Foolish Games
by Gloria B
Summary: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.
1. Foolish Games

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Foolish Games  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Jewel, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Foolish Games. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: 1x2, and 1x2x1x3x4x5 mentioning *quirks brow* yeah, I had fun with this one.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi, readers. I wrote Foolish Games a few years ago, and even if I have grown _quite_ a bit as a writer since I wrote this, it still remains one of my favorites. When I compiled Foolish Games, I decided to play with a new style of narrative. New for me, anyway. What evolved was a story of about fifteen chapters where every chapter would be inspired by the lyrics of a song and written in first person by a different character. So, in a sense, we maneuver through the story while being able to hear different perceptions. It was the first time, as a fanfiction writer, that I ventured away from fandom clichés and took risks. If it seemed bizarre, or scary, or too deep, I went for it. All things considered, as a whole story, there are a few things that I know now that I should have changed to make it a better work. However, it remains dear to me because it marks a turning point in my skills as a writer. I continue to grow, which is why I continue to post and to write. I hope you enjoy Foolish Games as much and more as I did writing it. And thank you very much for reading.

This chapter is written from Heero's POV, and the song is Foolish Games, by Jewel.

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter One

**Foolish Games**

_...You took your coat off…_

…_and stood in the rain..._

Duo came running into the office we shared here at the Preventer Office in New York City dripping rainwater everywhere. I raised my brows at him and he shrugged, a nearly mile-wide grin threatening to split his face.

"It's raining," I comment.

Duo paused right before plopping down into his chair behind the desk on the other side of the office, wearing that slightly incredulous look he bore so easily. Trying, but failing, to disguise the residual malice from our argument last night. "You know, Heero? I hadn't noticed."

With that, my some-times lover fell into his chair with an audible sigh and a squelching noise.

_...You're always crazy like that..._

Duo had moved here to New York a year before I had. Because we had worked together before, during the colony wars, Noin thought that it would only make sense for us to pair up and run the Preventer Base here in the city that never sleeps. Surprisingly, it was bland enough work and barely held our interests.

Eventually, Duo and I had decided to move into the same apartment. To save money, obviously. However, our boredom sometimes got the better of us.

I had nearly lost count of the variety of women that Duo brought home every night. Sometimes we shared them, sometimes at the same time, sometimes one of us merely watched. It became a strange sort of game. And eventually we became bored with that too.

And, honestly, I don't remember who initiated it first. I do remember Duo coming home by himself more regularly. I remember getting drunk together every night of the week for about a month. Then, eventually, we began sleeping together.

It wasn't sex, not at first. We'd wake up, staring at each other, thinking about it, but being too afraid to make the move.

I remember thinking, 'Well, why the hell not?' But there were plenty of reasons. Too many. And I remember them all now.

For one, we worked together. If Une ever found out...I don't even want to think about. This is the only job available that I'm actually good at. I mean, I could be a computer specialist somewhere, but I think I'd lose my mind if I didn't have something to blow up every once and while. If Une fired me, I don't know what I'd do. And for me, not knowing what's next is the scariest thing I can think of.

Secondly, it's Duo.

He's my best friend, my comrade in arms, my confidante. I've stolen from him, bled with him, fought with him, relied on him, asked him for help when I thought I couldn't do it myself. I've nearly died with him.

There are things we know about each other that no one should. Things that aren't glorious or heroic, even though that's the pretty picture people like to draw of us former gundam pilots. Things that are whispered in the night before a battle you don't expect to survive. Things that are screamed when you're trying to hold a friend's intestines in their belly but no matter how hard you push it's not enough to save them. Things that are said in silence. Communication that needs no words. And knowing what each other's fear tastes like.

Lovers are supposed help you forget, not make you remember.

And it's _Duo_.

The one I'd always had trouble looking at--because if I stared too long, my eyes would burn. The one who smiled so easily. The one who could befriend people with a crook of his finger. The one who respected Death and regarded Life with wonder.

The one who had everything I didn't.

The one who was everything I wasn't.

_...and I watched from my window..._

_...It always felt I was outside..._

_...looking in upon you..._

The one who laughed when I frowned, whose voice could pull the faintest of smiles from my lips, whose mind was quick and clever and always going a mile a minute.

The one with eyes the color of amethyst. Some describe his eyes as violet, and it angers me. His eyes are brilliant shades of every color imaginable, refracting light regardless of how dim it is, that can only be described as transparent quartz in the lovely, somewhat dark, shade of amethyst. Shifting, in constant motion, the darkest brilliance imaginable.

And, God, his hair. Before the times where we shared a bed in our tiny apartment, I had only been able to touch it once. I'd been wrapping Duo's shoulder. We were fifteen and the war was alive and bloody all around us. It was a mission gone terribly wrong and Duo was gritting his teeth as I pushed his shoulder joints back into place. After the initial crack, Duo had gasped and his body sagged against mine as he fought against the pain. And the tail end of his beautiful, chestnut, and always unruly braid brushed my forearm as I tried to keep Duo upright.

I'll never forget that moment. I'm not sure I ever will. It was sublimely surreal, marveling at the thousands of hues that were encapsulated in the hair of Duo's braid while a series of landmines were going off thirty feet from us.

And after all this, I've never figured him out. Duo Maxwell, former pilot of the gundam Deathscythe, former Sweeper, former street rat, and the most beautiful man I have ever seen, I think, will always be an enigma to me.

_...You're always the mysterious one… _

…_with dark eyes and careless hair..._

Surprisingly, we were sober the first time. Duo called it 'Grade A Fucking.' I didn't know what to call it. It was amazing...and terrifying. How long could this possibly last?

For some reason, this seemed to settle us into a state of normalcy. The women became fewer and fewer now that we had found we could be sexually satisfied with each other. Sometimes former pilots and comrades Trowa Barton, Quatre Rabbaba Winner, and Chang Wufei came to visit. And sometimes they joined in on the activities. This would always make Duo very happy. His eyes would brighten and look almost feverish. But then they'd leave and go back to their normal lives and Duo's eyes would darken again.

And so this continued for six months and I thought, maybe, this could last forever. But I was wrong and it was foolish for me to think otherwise.

Duo began bringing women home again a week ago.

And then, in what seems the first time since the colony wars, we began to argue.

Over stupid things, really. About curfews and needing sleep and about all the noise Duo was making with his women in the next room. About the dishes, about the laundry, about how Duo is ALWAYS late for work and it looks unprofessional. About the TV, and how there's always too much salt in the mashed potatoes, and about the damn hair I always find in the drain of our bathtub and not even knowing if it's Duo's or one of the tramps that parade through my home on a nightly basis.

And we fight over the need to fight.

That one was last night. He had barked the question after he promptly excused his guest and told her to go home after we immediately started arguing over...over...I can't even remember. It's not like me to forget. And I was so angry. And we went back and forth, trying to justify why we're right and the other is wrong and I can't help thinking how stupid this all is.

We are grown adults, and yet, we acted more mature when we were fifteen and fighting for our lives on a battlefield.

And I remember why I didn't want to sleep with Duo in the first place. It complicates things.

And Duo said it shouldn't.

I sighed and, with one last look over my laptop at the drenched Duo, I went back to my work.

~*~

"Are you going tonight?" It was an innocent enough question but Duo glared at me anyway.

He looked downright sexy. Jeans riding low over his slender hips, a black shirt beneath a black button-down that had no buttons buttoned, and his braid loose, allowing long tendrils of hair to escape and whisper against his cheek and shadow those beautiful, angry eyes.

_...You're fashionably sensitive_

_But too cool to care..._

A dozen Preventer employees had conspired and were throwing a party tonight at the Unit. Two weeks ago, Duo and I had been looking forward to it. Now it seems like another reason to fight.

I stood unperturbed under his withering glare. "It was just a question, Duo."

"I forget when I had to run everything by you, Heero," Duo snapped at me.

And I forget when his nitpickings actually began to hurt my feelings. God, I hate it when he talks to me like this.

"Well," I say slowly, trying to keep my temper in check. "I was asking because we'd save gas if we carpooled."

His eyes softened a bit but he looked away. "I'm bringing a date tonight, Heero."

Strangely, I didn't lose my temper. I believe I would've yesterday. Or maybe the day before. But today...I'm just too tired to argue. And what for?

That's when it happened. My head became very heavy and all my thoughts quieted. My body went very still and I felt numb. Truly numb. I opened my mouth to say something, and then I closed it. My mouth was dry and something was burning behind my eyes. I rubbed the back of my neck before turning and walking into my room.

I stood there. That's it. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. It's a wonder that the body remembers to breathe on its own. And I knew I was feeling a hurt rage I had never known before. And my body was refusing it. I swallowed, pushing the anger aside, and tried to think.

I turned when I heard a soft knock at my door.

Duo stood there in all his stark beauty. His features hidden in the shadows because the hallway was lit and my room wasn't. And, I swear, those eyes were fairly glowing in the growing twilight.

We stood like that, staring at one another, for a long time. A silence falling thick between.

"Look," Duo said, startling me with his voice. "It's raining out. Maybe I'll stay in tonight."

_...You stood in my doorway..._

_...with nothing to say..._

_...besides some comment on the weather_...

I still said nothing. I watched him watch me. We used to play this game all the time when we were fifteen. I would pretend to be this uptight, stonehearted asshole, and Duo would do or say things, sometimes very bizarre things, and then stand still and watch me for a reaction. At first it had angered me. I felt like his little experiment. Then, I decided to confide in him, as friends do, and offer him my respect, as comrades do, and he no longer felt the need to pester me anymore. At least, not all the time.

And now, of all times, he's actually taking the time to watch me, to notice what's going on with me. I made my face a placid mask. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting. Heero Yuy doesn't get his feelings hurt.

_...In case you failed to notice_

_In case you failed see..._

But the burning behind my eyes became so intense I had to blink. Suddenly, hot water began leaking past my furiously blinking lids. I touched my cheek and caught a drop of water as it rolled down my cheek.

_...this is my heart..._

_...bleeding before you..._

Fuck.

I'm crying.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I turned my face away but Duo caught my chin with three of his slender fingers. I don't remember when Duo had gotten so close and I can't help thinking how shameful this is to be crying and having no clue why as my eyes dragged themselves up to Duo's. Those amethyst eyes searched and searched mine before he lowered his mouth to mine.

Instantly, I felt the rush of anger flood back into my senses. With a growl, I grabbed his upper arms and threw him onto my bed.

Those fearless haunting eyes gaze back up at me and I find no answers there. Only more questions. And I hope Duo understands what I need right now.

_...This is me down on my knees..._

I crawled on top of him and he pushed me off. He rolled on top of me and hooks his legs around my hips. Then I'm up and tearing his shirt off and biting his shoulder and gods I don't know how quickly we managed to get naked but we're wrestling for the upper hand now.

Always this dance. Always this battle for the top. Always. Except there was no tenderness here. We're still fighting, still arguing, and I still feel like we're dancing around what it is that we're really arguing about. I rake my nails down his back and my arousal twitches as I hear him hiss. I grab his hair and he slaps my hand away. We're rolling and I'm on top now. He uses both hands to grab the back of my head and crushes his lips to mine. I bite his lower lip and taste blood. Then spots are dancing in my gaze because he's punched me in the jaw and now he's on top and, Christ, he's giving me head. He's grabbing my balls a little too roughly and grazing his teeth a little too often and I'm close, I'm so close.

Then I growl and he's on his back and without preparing him I push in. He makes an angry noise in the back of his throat but he watches me and this scares me because I know he likes it. I keep thrusting until he's stretched and my balls are slapping his ass. I grab his dick and tug on it in time with my thrusts, and he's moaning now. With my other hand, I grab a fistful of his hair and brace myself above him as I move deeper and faster within him. And he's writhing and he's watching.

_...And these foolish games_

_Are tearing me apart..._

And, for the first time since we'd been sleeping together, we cum at the same time. I collapse above him and I know he's still staring at me. I know I must've hurt him so I get up and run warm water over a paper towel and come back. I kneel next his limp form and begin washing away the blood and semen.

"Leave it," he says and I want to cry again.

"Duo..."

"Leave it," he repeats, sitting up with a wince. He stares at me for a moment longer before getting off the bed and walking out of my room.

...and your thoughtless words...

...are breaking my heart...

I stare at nothing as I hear the sound of the showerhead coming on. And then later the sound of Duo going to bed. In his own bed.

And I don't understand what's happening between us.

All I know is that my chest hurts like hell and I don't like it.

_...you're breaking my heart..._

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of rain, and the smell of coffee and cigarettes. I wonder when it'll stop raining. It's been raining for days now.

I pull on a shirt and boxers and Duo is already eating a bowl of cereal when I join him at the breakfast table.

He looks at me and there is no malice there, only now his eyes are darkened with something more akin to sadness.

"Good morning," he murmurs.

_...You're always brilliant in the morning..._

_...smoking your cigarettes..._

_...and talking over coffee..._

I sit down and pour a cup coffee. "Is it?" I ask, and I know I'm merely provoking because I'm scared.

Duo frowns and begins to speak. Softly, ever so softly.

"I've never really thought of myself as smart guy," Duo says. "I mean, not really. Sure I'm street smart and a fair pilot, but there's nothin' special here. I'm a pretty face and good for a laugh, but I really think that the time when I was truly needed has already passed. I fought my war; I did my good deed, and now what? Where does that leave people like you and me? If I don't work for the Preventers, my scrap yard goes to shit, and I'm back on the street. And then what? Where does that leave me, Heero? Right here."

_...If the philosophies are not for your mood_

_Do you love Mozart?..._

"I don't know what the hell happened," he goes on saying, "But you and I...we've always had chemistry. Everyone thinks so. That's why the guys weren't surprised when they found out we were fucking."

I knew by 'guys' he meant Barton, Winner, and Chang.

"But, I always thought it'd be something, I don't know, special. I think we fell short somewhere, Heero. I don't want to end it this like this. Just thinking that you were a good lay.

"And don't think that's all. I mean, I tried. I had no idea where you were until you showed up here two years ago. I thought we were great as friends, you know. Fuck, man, I didn't want to screw that up. But I can't have anything good without screwing it up. So I fucked us up too, Heero."

_...and you'd speak of your loved ones_

_...as I clumsily strummed my guitar..._

He laughed a hollow laugh and shook his head. "I really fucked us up."

_...Well, excuse me!_

I narrowed my eyes, the anger and pain boiling up in my chest again. "So where does that leave us?" I bit out.

_...guess I've mistaken you for somebody else..._

He was quiet a moment, looking somewhere past me. And when he looked back at me, his once beautiful iridescent eyes were now a dusty shade of grayish-purple.

"Nowhere," he whispered.

_...somebody who gave a damn..._

"But what if--" I stammered out, an unexpected wave of panic crawling up my throat and making it raw.

Duo shook his head, stopping my protest in its tracks.

_...somebody more like myself..._

And he is watching me again. And now I'm so angry I can't speak the thoughts thundering through my head. And I feel like he's testing me and don't know what the right answer is. And my fingernails are biting into the flesh of my palms.

_...And these foolish games..._

And he's still watching me and no words are forthcoming and I'm trembling but I don't know what to _do_.

_...Are tearing me..._

He's going to leave me. The sudden thought seizes me and I felt more frozen than before. And, God, I'm watching him do it and I don't know how to stop him, or what say, or even if I should...

_...tearing me..._

I put my head in my hands and clutch at my hair. My eyes are tightly shut I'm trying to remember if Dr. J had any advice for this sort of thing...

_...You're tearing me apart..._

"So," he says softly, rising to his feet. "I'll see you on Monday."

He says it with such finality all I can do is raise my head to stare at him.

_...And your thoughtless words..._

And I could feel my whole world crashing down around me. And I've never felt so fucking helpless.

_...Are breaking my heart..._

I can't make him stay, I realize as I watch him put on his coat and grab his car keys. Duo Maxwell was always the one person I couldn't make do anything.

Duo Maxwell, my shining, laughing, beautiful friend. My best friend. And I'm trying, frantically, to remember the last time I saw him truly smile, or heard him truly laugh without those hard white lines of tension stretching around his mouth.

I'm trying to figure out what went _wrong_. What the hell did I do?

And I hear the door close. Suddenly, I'm up and running to the window. I watch him take off his jacket and throw it into the car, the rain falling in sheets around him.

He looks up and we're staring at one another through the rain and the window.

And then he gets in his car and drives away.

Then, that damn hot water leaks past my eyes again and I'm sobbing and I can't stop it.

_...You took your coat off..._

_...And stood in the rain..._

_...You're always crazy like that..._


	2. Body Crumbles

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Body Crumbles  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Dry Cell, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Body Crumbles. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: 1x2x1x3x4x5 mentioning.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Duo's POV, and the song is Body Crumbles, by Dry Cell

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Two

**Body Crumbles**

_...Finally, recovered..._

I shake off the feeling of being followed; knowing that if there is anyone there it's just an agent Une sent to track me for my safety. I'll have to lose him, eventually. If I can feel him following me than he's too dangerous to have around.

I turn the corner and quietly slip past the guard at the gate of the military aeronautical base. My mouth twitches into an almost half-smile. I run this base and having to sneak in feels odd to me.

I wait in the shadows as the guard shift changes, checking my watch. Right on time. Good.

_...The mood is right..._

As they chat away about the accursed rain and the flood warnings, I sneak away and slip into the bunker that holds the jet that Une had reserved for me. Of course, it'll cause some commotion when I take off. But Une reassured me she'd quiet it immediately. She's already taken the jet off of record. That leaves a little problem of being cleared to dock on L2, but Une also said she'd take care of that before I got there.

I pause, hearing a bit of commotion to my left, and slink back into the shadows as a sentry walks through the bunker. Annoying thing about all this is that Heero and I have been running this place like a well-oiled machine for nearly three years now. It's no easy feat, sneaking around this place.

I take this time to think, guiltily, about Heero. God, this shit fucking tears me up.

Une never actually said I _had _to sever ties with Heero for this mission to work, but, Une, being, Une, had insinuated it in such a way that I honestly couldn't see a way around it. How she found out about us, I'll never know.

I keep telling myself that all this is for the best. That this mission'll work and I'll get out alive and I'll be able to open up that orphanage I've been planning with Hilde for years now...

That Heero will understand when all this is said and done.

I keep telling myself, over and over, and each time it tastes like an acrid lie in my mouth.

I take in a deep breath and move forward as I watch the sentry move on. I slip into the jet and fasten myself into the cockpit. I begin flipping switches and powering up, my movements automatic and almost robotic. I don't think there is a thing I can't fly. And this is only a space jet. The tricky part is going to be getting it off the runway before the base blockades it or shoots it out of the sky. Une better be on her game.

I sigh and catch myself rolling my eyes as the alarm goes off and a dozen lights brighten and flash, looking garish and almost surreal. I've done this a dozen times when I was a kid on Oz bases. At least the reaction time is better now. I smile again, proud of my men.

_...Looking up into a neon sky..._

I navigate the jet onto the run way and wait as the hydraulic thrusters gather energy.

Against my will, a tingling of excitement begins to course through my veins and the heaviness in mind seems to clear up. My hands twitch over the panels, eager to guide this hunk of metal off the ground.

Three years behind a damn desk...of course I'd jump at a chance like this. I was never meant for deskwork.

_...The child in me takes over..._

The jet begins to rumble and the base is hailing me and helicopters begin to swarm in my path, and all this is merely feeding my exhilaration.

The jet's ready and I push forward. With a sudden lurch, the jet takes off and I'm thrown back into my seat by sheer velocity and I'm going faster and faster, up and up, and I thank the Creator for making gravity because if there wasn't any there wouldn't be this feeling of pressing towards freedom.

Freedom.

_...It's been too long…_

…_Since the last time that I tried to fly..._

And, with a shout, I'm free. I've outrun them and there's no catching me now. And I watch, over the next hour, the velocity pressing me in, as the atmosphere of the Earth is peeled back in layers and then there's nothing but the cold blanket of space and the billions of twinkling, indifferent stars and the ugly, pitted face of the moon. And my moment of freedom seems to escape me because I'm reminded of what I felt as I broke Heero's heart.

_...Finally, I find…_

…_When I lose control..._

And, all over again, I feel like I am falling, and my chest constricts, and the control panels swim in my gaze, and all I can see are those shimmering, perfect blue staring at me with hurt and rage.

_...Inside…_

…_My body crumbles..._

I shake my head and shiver off the dizziness that attacked me. I try not to think that it's natural when a human shoots into space and experiences the vertigo that the sudden lack of gravity causes was what I was feeling. I try to convince myself that I really DO feel bad and that it was affecting me physically.

_...It's like therapy…_

…_For my broken soul..._

But, that too, tastes like a lie in my mouth.

_...Inside…_

…_My body crumbles..._

I shift in my seat, trying to get into a more comfortable position, my sore backside serving as a constant reminder of the punishment I deserved--and yearned for--more than most people realize.

Honestly, I can't think of a single moment where I hadn't wanted Heero Yuy.

Ever since I first met him, at fifteen, shooting him twice to save that Relena girl, I've wanted him. He has this uncanny innocence about him, even when he's reeking out violent justice.

A justice I craved.

Purity like that is rare...and, of course, I managed to taint it.

Things I'm capable of, things I've done...I should've fucking known better.

I couldn't help myself, though. You really can't look at Heero Yuy and not be enraptured by the motherfucker. There was a time where I actually pitied Relena, who spent years enthralled to Heero Yuy, hero of the realm, savior of the world, yaddy-yatta.

She's long-since abandoned her pining and they're friends now, which, oddly, made me a little sad at the time. Having no competition for Heero's attention--and the constant education of what NOT to do--I felt kinda lost.

So, I settled for his friendship and we lost touch over the years.

I lived with Hilde for a time and we ran the scrap yard for an uneventful year before I realized I wanted something more.

I began making plans to start an orphanage on L2. There hasn't been one since Maxwell Church and it pisses me off. There are so many kids, good kids, running around that colony, homeless and without families to protect and feed them, doing anything and EVERYTHING to survive. It's an ugly life. I should know, I used to live it. If it hadn't been for Solo picking me up with the Sweepers, I'd probably be some coke-fiend, call-boy misfit with the rest of 'em.

But I didn't have enough money.

So, I signed on with the Preventers to make some extra dough. A year later, promotion after instant fucking promotion, based on a reputation I had made for myself when I fought in the colony wars as a goddamn teenager, Heero shows up at my Unit and starts working with me.

_...Only, this moment…_

…_Just to get away..._

We did everything together--we even ended up living together--and it felt like the good 'ol days, right?

Right?

Wrong.

With each passing week, I felt I was slipping farther and farther away from my goal. Even though I was saving money like a madman, it never quite cut it. My visits to L2 became fewer and fewer and Hilde is practically running the yard be herself now, even though she cheerfully sends me monthly reviews.

I really love that girl. She's never once complained. Though, sometimes I wish she would. You know, to rekindle my motivation for coming back.

But I was with Heero and it felt like a dream come true...but I wanted it all.

And I wanted _out_.

_...From this trajemistic, everyday..._

I don't know why I never told Heero about the orphanage I wanted to set up. I don't know why I didn't think he'd support me. I don't even know if I wanted him to.

I do know he probably won't NOW.

So, I drowned myself in liquor and women and was the faithful little soldier-boy Preventer and I felt like I was asphyxiating and I couldn't breathe...

And then something close to a miracle happened!

Heero began sleeping with the women I was bringing home all the time! Most times it was orgies...and sometimes we'd even watch each other!

Eureka!

It was like something out of a wet dream.

I felt like I just hit a gold mine.

Was it a game?

I don't know.

It felt like one, though. And I felt like I was playing with fire.

But, as pathetic as it sounds, that's when I feel most alive.

_...Know if I don't question…_

…_And I never doubt..._

There's something dangerously erotic about Heero naked and sweaty and passionate and moving over another human body in pure insatiable lust.

Knowing that he could break a body in half if he needed to but seeing those deadly hands move over yielding flesh with tenderness and hunger, sensing that he can feel my eyes on him as he moves, seeing it excite him as he devours the body beneath him, the heat spreading through my body as he raises those perfect, deep blue eyes to mine as he comes...it's fucking unreal, man.

Pun, or no pun, its fucking unreal.

And then I realized I wanted no supple body between us, no yielding flesh barring our touches...I wanted to taste him without a feminine breath whispering in my ear, to hold him to my chest as he came without a woman screaming her own pleasure between us...

I wanted him for myself.

All these rekindled desires flanked me, quickened my blood, and sent my heart racing at the mere sight of him, making me feverish and half-mad with lust.

Fuck, man, I had thought it was just a stupid teenage crush. But now, as a man, I still want him.

God, I wanted him.

And my stupid, lonely misery swamped me again.

I stopped taking women home from the bar every night and we took to swimming in booze on a nightly, celibate basis.

Then I grew some balls, swallowed my fear and my pride, and climbed into his bed.

For many nights, we just held each other. Strange, huh? Heero Yuy..._cuddling_. Yeah, I know, so I grew more and more apprehensive with every night we lay trembling with pent-up desire and every day at work where the tension grew so thick between us you could cut it with a knife.

And then I realized he wanted me too.

_...Everything'll be okay..._

Well, you know, that's not an entirely abnormal thing. I've been blessed--or cursed--with a very attractive physical make up and the eyes of men and women alike seem to follow me wherever I go.

But, fuck, man, it's _Heero!_

I've fought in two wars with this guy. He could kill me if he wanted to.

And, God save me, that's why I wanted him. I spent my young adult life making love to Death in a way that really needs no explaining. Heero is the one person who could give me the justice I craved...and with an innocence and purity that no other being could possible muster.

_...Finally, I find..._

_...When I lose control..._

_...Inside..._

_...My body crumbles..._

And he did. Yes, he did. He gave me all of him. And I took it. Being the selfish, tainted devil I am, I took it.

I devoured him whole.

And then we would get visits.

At first, it was just Trowa. He'd pass through town and look us up. We'd offer him the invitation and he obliged with that careless, quiet grace that I had bedded him for years ago.

I feel a laugh escape past my throat as I sit here in the cockpit remembering.

Yes, Trowa and I had been lovers once. In fact, I have slept with all four of my fellow Gundam pilots at one point or another. It was how I offered my comfort to them during the colony wars; with smiles and laughter and sweaty passion between the bed sheets.

I am an immoral creature, what can I say?

_...It's like therapy..._

_...For my broken soul..._

_...Inside..._

_...My body crumbles..._

During the wars, sex was an outlet. The four of us understood that, even Wufei, though nobody dared to touch Heero. Oh, I flirted with him mercilessly, but, though my friends would claim otherwise, I can be as patient as Death when I need to be.

And it paid off, didn't it?

I had my prize and I shared it with them. And, suddenly, I began hating myself for that too.

_...I don't know if..._

Now it wasn't women between us, it was my past lovers as well. My comrades, OUR comrades, screwing like bunnies just _because_.

And, as much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, Heero had been much more than a long sought-after prize to me. So much more. I was falling for him. And I felt like I was falling even farther from my goal.

_...I'll be alright..._

Suddenly, I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I was drowning again. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to give my heart to Heero, but I wouldn't dare. I wanted to start the orphanage, but I didn't have enough money. I felt an abyss open up beneath my feet and I was falling. And somewhere, someone was _laughing_ at me and I was lost and frightened and falling, falling, falling...

_...I don't know if..._

And I wanted OUT.

So I told Une. I told her about the orphanage and I told her I'd do anything to get the money. Even if I died, the money could be forwarded to Hilde. She'd know what to do.

I didn't tell her about Heero, but Une had known anyway. She gave me a mission three days later and made it explicitly clear that Heero was not to find out. I felt my blood run cold as I read the operation's details. I would have to go deep into the circles of L2 criminal warfare. I was to find out who was heading L2's underground child prostitution ring, assassinate David Gilson, the major drug lord of L2, and send Une all the names and locations of anyone affiliated. It would be a one-shot take out and the infiltration would take, at best, weeks.

I remember being so very, very angry when I took the job. I felt like I was on a self-righteous vendetta and that it was pure poetry that I would take a job like this to get the money for the orphanage. It was perfect. And the mission scared the hell out of me. But I took the job, proud to be the primary agent to wipe out the filthy, crime-ridden society that infected my home colony.

And then I had to figure out the situation with Heero.

_...Is it okay?..._

_...To be my friend?..._

Surprisingly--or not--the solution came to me pretty easily. We had based our relationship on sex and camaraderie, right? No biggie, right? So, I started bringing women home again. Warm, supple bodies with no names and no faces, clinging to my arm like the tramps they were; and Heero hated it.

It took only a week for our arguments to get so intense that I feared for the safety of the women I was parading through our home. Once, I had invited him to share our bed and, in a fit of rage, he shattered a beautiful cerulean vase against the living room wall. I had expected his disgust; I hadn't expected the intensity of his rage.

_...Do we always have to fight?..._

I should've, I suppose. You just don't reject the magnificent Heero Yuy.

But I did and I hate myself for it. Of course I hate myself for it. How couldn't I?

_...I don't know if..._

I shift in my chair again, remembering the night before.

I hadn't realized how deeply I was hurting him until I saw him crying. Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, _crying _his eyes out.

I felt wretched and despicable, but the deed was done and he despised me almost as much as I despised myself.

_...I'll be alright..._

Yeah, almost.

So, I let him have me. And I gloried in the feeling of my body suffering almost as much pain as my soul was.

Almost. Only almost.

And I provoked him and taunted him and our release was electric in its unison.

_...It's alright..._

And he shocked me again with his innocent tenderness.

Always that fucking innocence. What's it gonna take for you to really hate me, Heero?

_...Finally, I find… _

…_When I lose control..._

I didn't deserve it. I honestly don't think I ever will.

So I left him wondering and confused, showered, and fell asleep alone in my own bed.

In the morning, I made him coffee and explained what I could and before those pained, angry, perfect blue eyes could see through my sordid, miserable in-authenticity, I got in my car and left.

_...Inside…_

…_My body crumbles..._

So, now, as I stare at those cold, merciless stars, while my jet shoots through space, I feel dead and hollow inside and my regrets fill that painful, bottomless void, keeping me wretched and blah, blah, blah...I'm such a fucking victim.

What kind of creature am I? I wonder.

A miserable, wretched, self-righteous goddamn victim who kidded himself into thinking the world owed him something.

So, knowing that Heero is hurting, and needs help, and won't fucking ask for it, I lean forward in my chair, my fingers flying over the computer keys, and send Quatre an e-mail.

Then I steel myself and concentrate on what waits for me on L2. I know I'm going to suffer and make difficult decisions and probably hate myself even more--if that's even possible--alone in the knowledge that it'll all be worth it in the end.

_...It's like therapy..._

_...For my broken soul..._

Or will it?

Self-righteous misery.

I sigh and close my eyes, that last thought swimming through my brain.

This, I do deserve.

_...Inside..._

_...My body crumbles..._


	3. Come On Closer

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Come On Closer  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Jem, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Come On Closer. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: 1x4, 3x4.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! This is one of my favorite moments in this story. I really, really enjoy writing Quatre. Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Quatre's POV, and the song is Come On Closer, by Jem

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Three

**Come On Closer**

I run a hand through my tangled blonde hair and glance groggily at my sleeping lover. Trowa was only passing through town with Catherine and the circus for the week; he'd be gone in the morning.

It was 6 am, daylight beginning to creep through my bedroom window, and I am lying very still, willing time to slow. I love these perfect moments. Watching Trowa sleep, which is enchanting all by itself, but on a large bed with white sheets and large pillows, and Trowa finding my body to be a better cushion to rest his head on...

I smile and press a kiss to his forehead; brushing away the auburn-brown tendrils of hair that always seem to cover his eyes. He makes a low sound in his throat and shifts, his arm tightening around my waist, and I smirk because I know he's dreaming.

I'm staring at the perfect lines of Trowa's face, tracing them with a finger, when I hear my computer beep. Odd. I only receive direct e-mails from the Preventers for emergency use only. All other e-mails are forwarded to my secretaries, who sort and organize them, answering and deleting the less important ones, and sending the more important ones to my office for later review.

Grumbling to myself, I wiggle loose from Trowa's deadweight, sleeping embrace, hop from the bed and pad over to my computer. Instantly, Trowa is awake and alert, and I can feel him watching me even though he hasn't moved. I turn on my computer and click on the mail icon. It wasn't from the Preventers. It was a coded message and encrypted so that it would take hours for me to decode it. What the hell is going on that someone would take such care to protect a message?

Trowa is behind me and I hand him my laptop. He stares at the screen for a few seconds before his hands begin to fly over the computer keys. Periodically, he would mutter a curse, slow his typing and then, with renewed fury, pound at the keys of my laptop again.

In ten minutes, he was finished. He didn't hand back the laptop at first. He was reading and re-reading the message. I felt the confusion--and something else--rolling off of him like waves. I extended my hand and he handed me the laptop, keeping his eyes averted.

"It's from Duo," he says.

Duo?

I glance down at the computer screen in my lap. There, in stark black letters against a glaring white screen, was written: _'Q, H needs you right now. Only you. No one else. You'll know why soon. Please do this for me. I'll owe you one. ~D.'_

I look up at Trowa and he is staring off into something I can't see, a muscle working in his jaw. I know why Trowa does this. He doesn't look me in the eyes when he's feeling something because he's afraid I'll pull it out of him. He clings to it. He's addicted to it. I can respect that, I suppose.

I make to stand up but Trowa's hand shoots out and snags my wrist. He stares at me then and I feel it again. That _thing_, that 'something else', and it begins to overpower the confusion. I squint, opening myself up, trying to sort through the layers. There's something he wants out. Something he can't tell me. Something I need to know.

There's darkness. The smell of acrid water and manure and straw and the buzz of flies and a growl--that's a lion--and another growl...not a lion. And then it's receding and I leap after it and I feel the chaffing at my wrists and fiery pleasure coursing through me and then twin violet orbs are staring at me. Bright, feverish, and yet so very, very serious. Then those orbs set themselves into a heart-shaped face I knew too well, a face drawn and grave and unsmiling. And compassionate.

I blink and pull away. _Compassionate!_

I'm staring at Trowa and he looks back at me with those piercing green eyes that he usually covers up with his hair. I wait.

Then Trowa begins talking. "He found me. Of course you know that. When I regained my memory...I was so angry. Mostly at myself. I..." Trowa took in a deep breath and his face grew calm again. "Duo offered me something. He offered me forgiveness. And I didn't understand why he'd do that. I destroyed his gundam."

Trowa smiled a little bit. "He punished me for it. And then he forgave me."

I nod, understanding. "How are you going to find him?"

Trowa shrugged. "By looking for him," he answered simply.

I feel the corner of my mouth tug upwards in a wry smile. "So he codes it so you would decode it. Smart."

Trowa sends me a startled glance. "Are you okay with..."

I laugh and lead him back to bed. "Just don't kill him. Duo may think he has a lot to atone for, but he doesn't, not really. And right now, you're mine."

I feel him smile against my cheek, his breath warm and gliding. I feel his teeth graze over the vein in my neck and the shiver sent down my spine is electric.

And then his mouth and hands are all over me and I close my eyes and let him have me, his wicked tenderness soaking into me and pulling another smile from my lips. This, too, is a perfect moment I cherish.

~*~

The apartment Duo and Heero had shared was located on the ground level of a brick, inconspicuous building on 4th and Main in the heart of Manhattan. The commute from their apartment to the Preventer base they ran always seemed unreasonable to me...but many things about them do.

I knock on the door and it swings open. I hear Heero shouting in the back room. It's not like him to be so careless. I walk inside and shut the door behind me. I wander through the apartment, looking around me.

Everything was impeccable. Shiny and polished and smelling strongly of pine sol. Duo would have never stood for it. He's a firm believer that homes should look lived in and not like an art museum.

I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge. Tofu, ketchup, and beer. Nothing else.

I take deep breath and prepare myself to face Heero's wrath. I know he only rages to cover things up. And, strangely, Heero doesn't lose his temper often. Even though he seems dangerous and angry to a passing stranger, he's actually quite passive and very kindhearted. It's his nature.

I find him pacing in Duo's bedroom, his features tinged red with his fury, shouting into a cellular device.

"I am NOT unstable, Une," Heero snaps. "I want to know where Duo and my men transferred to. No, don't feed me that _bullshit_. He did NOT..."

Heero whirls around and points a gun at me, cocked and ready. I wait, watching him register who he's pointing a firearm at and put the pistol away. He resumes his pacing.

"I think you're lying," Heero says to Une through the cell. "What are you covering up, Une?!"

Suddenly, Heero turned bright red. "Fuck you, Une," he grates out before snapping the cell shut and throwing it across the room.

Heero runs a hand through his hair and I notice some discoloration on his jaw.

"What the hell do you want?" he snaps at me.

I ignore his question and walk up to him, taking his chin in my hand and tilt his face to one side to get a better look at the bluish-purple mark swelling on the golden skin of his jaw.

_...Come on closer..._

"Duo?" I ask, pointing to the bruise.

Heero scowls at me, sending daggers at me with his eyes.

I nod. "Do you know where he is?"

"IF I KNEW WHERE HE FUCKING WAS, DO YOU THINK I'D BE HERE RIGHT NOW?!!!!!" Heero explodes at me.

I wince, despite myself. Wrong question.

_...I wanna show you..._

"Men are missing from your Unit?" I ask, trying a different route.

"Not missing. _Transferred_." Heero looked blearily at me. "Une said Duo transferred them before he left himself. Une thinks he left the Unit because he left me. She said it's unprofessional for us to run a base together now anyway. I'm sorry for screaming at you."

I nod. See? It's his nature.

_...What I'd like to do..._

I take his hand and lead him out of Duo's room and into the guest room. I sit him on the bed. Then I leave him for a moment to pour him a glass of water. I return and hand it to him. He drinks it down in three gulps.

_...You sit back now..._

And I wait.

"I don't get it, though," Heero says finally. "An unmarked jet left my airspace the day after he left me. We have no previous record of it and the men who were transferred were the ones working that shift."

I furrowed my brow, thinking. "Sounds like Preventer intrigue, to me," I say finally, using my best cultivated British accent.

He looked up at me appreciatively, not quite smiling.

At this point, I couldn't give a shit about where Duo is or what web of lies Une is spinning. Right now, I'm not really looking at the one person who recognized my ability to manage the Zero system or plan a winning battle strategy in a split second. I'm not looking at the guy who saved the world, _twice_, from absolute anarchy and chaos. I'm not even really looking at the Perfect Soldier.

I'm looking at Heero Yuy, comrade, friend, lover, perfectly flawed and with an ocean of pain swimming in those cobalt blue eyes. I smile kindly and touch his cheek, steadying myself against the flood of hurt and anger and confusion that flowed into me at that simple touch.

_...Just relax now..._

Heero snapped his head back, eyes wide and staring at me. I'd never opened myself up to him before. In the past, when the five of us would...gather together...it was just steamy lust, something to be done to sate our sexual appetites. I care for each of them in a very special way, but it has never been necessary for me to reach out to Heero like this before. I kick myself now, thinking maybe I should have. The pain Heero is feeling might be more bearable if I had.

It's hard, though. Harder than most people realize, being an empath.

I learned how to control it at whim during the war. I had to. I nearly drove myself insane because I lost control of it and the Zero system affected me so. Now, I can take it in and sort through it and disperse myself of it at will.

I smile at Heero again. Very gently, ever so gently, I touch his cheek again. "Trust me," I whisper.

_...I'll take care of you..._

Heero nods, his lips parted, his breath coming in short gasps, staring at me wide-eyed. I felt it bubbling up inside of him and my heart nearly broke as I watched the first tear slide down his proud cheek.

Merciful Allah, Heero Yuy..._crying_.

Something stirs inside of me. I am suddenly hungry for it. For his tears, his pain, his hurt, his rage, his sorrow, his despair...

_...Hot temptations…_

I bend down and kiss the tear from his cheek and nearly swoon at the attack of emotions that buffeted me. I look back up into Heero deep blue eyes and he nods. I straddle his lap, wrapping my legs around his hips. We pause; making sure our position was secure on the edge of the bed. Then I lower my head once more and drink sorrow from his lips.

Sweet, sweet nectar. A bottomless well of it flows into me as I dive into him, lips and tongue serving as the portals of touch that allowed the dam to start breaking.

_...Sweet temptations..._

It was a trickling, just a trickling of what was hidden in the depths of his soul and it teased me. I wanted more.

_...Infiltrating through..._

Heero tilts my head back, exposing my throat. He spreads warm kisses down the vulnerable vein and then back to the sensitive spot behind my ear. I arch my back. He remembers. The damn was breaking. I can hear the cracking thundering through my head. I think I may have whispered his name.

_...Sweet temptations..._

Whether I said it out loud or not, Heero hears it in his head and he pulls back suddenly. I know now that he was feeling it leave him. I wait, impatient despite my calm. His hands are still on me and I have to concentrate to not to loose myself in the emotions that were emanating from him. He has to want it to leave him. I cannot force it from him. He has to want it.

_...Hot temptations..._

Then his hands are on my hips, grinding me into him. I gasp as I see the anger resurface and blaze in his eyes. He bucks me against him once more before flinging me on back and pushing me up against the pillows. My heart leaps he as presses against me with his entire body, pulling his fingers roughly through my hair and moving his lips over mine. I am drowning in him and I totally surrender to it. He has chosen.

_...Coming over you..._

I am standing on the brink of something and he is pressing me, pressing, pressing...and, suddenly, I regain my wits and push him back, gasping for air. Too soon. Much too soon. I turn him over gently and urge him to prop himself up on his elbows with my eyes. He watches me as I unbutton his shirt, leaving it open but not taking it off. I unzip his pants to relieve the pressure growing there. My hands are trembling, but I am slow and careful. Heero deserves this and he deserves all of it.

_...We're gonna take it slow, babe..._

I kiss his lips, his eyelids, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead and when my lips are perfectly scorched with the anguish seeping from him, I move lower.

_...Do it my way..._

I can't possibly describe how this feels. It's agonizing and tantalizing. It's like breathing in an inhaler packed with a narcotic that bypasses your brain and goes straight to your heart. My blood begins pumping at exactly the same pace as Heero's and by the time my mouth reaches his well-toned abdomen, I know he is ready. I pull off his pants and boxers, tossing them to the side and look back at him. He is watching me and we regard one another with a severity that is usually odd during sexual acts however perfect for this moment.

_...Keep your eyes on me..._

I take him into my mouth and I hear a strangled sob catch in his throat. I nod inwardly and I have to concentrate on weaving through the lust and the passion to get back there. And it hits me again, as I work his cock with my lips and tongue, my hand fondling his testicles, the sorrow, the pain, and then a newer one, one that was buried and resurfacing, a primal force I hadn't reckoned on. Guilt.

His member is quivering when my mouth finally leaves him, standing straight against his belly, swollen and desperate. I drag my eyes back up to his and I wait.

_...Your reaction..._

And the anger springs back as I knew it would. Fury, rage, and guilt. Guilt so powerful it fuels everything else. And a part of me realizes the guilt has nothing to do with Duo.

And now we're glaring at one another and, gods save me, it's finally taken over.

..._Is what I want to see..._

And I'm on my back again and he's tearing my clothes off and so much of our skin is touching and I can't push it back and it's flooding me, coursing through me, and it feels like Heero is already inside of me.

_...Leave me potion..._

But he's not, he's on top of me, moving and touching and bringing me higher and higher...And he's preparing me with lube and FUCK his fingers are inside and they're stretching me and I'm on the brink again...

And now he's hovering outside my entrance, waiting for permission. I let him pull my legs over his shoulders and I nod before he pushes in and now I'm blind...

All I can see is colors...his fury is red, his anguish is like fire, his sorrow is a slate grey, and guilt, ah, guilt, how can black be so bright? How...and then there's purple. No, not quite purple...it's a myriad of colors, sparkling, spinning, iridescent and moving, shades of purple but one color...one color...amethyst maybe...

_...Your emotion..._

And then flashes and faces and explosions...I hear it ringing in my ears...some things I recognize...most things I don't...

_...Infiltrating through..._

I see New Edwards...the plane...I destroyed them...I destroyed them all...No, not I, Heero...I screwed up!...I totally screwed up...Relena...always believed...always believed...broken...always broken...a dog...a flower...a girl...dead, dead, dead...I did it...I did it all...and they sing my praises...they loved me for it...all of it...mission accepted...self-detonation...none of them would kill me...they called me a coward...he came back for me...he came back....why would he do that...I'm falling...falling, falling, falling...he screams my name...

_...Sweet temptations..._

Duo...amethyst...flash of perfectly white teeth...a perfectly sunny smile...that darkness that moves behind his eyes...Duo, Duo, Duo...he left me...he left me...why would he stay?...why?...why, why, why...Duo...he came back for me...not anymore...no more...won't come back...falling, falling, falling...he screams my name...

_...Hot temptations..._

"HEERO!!!"

And we come and I am torn from it.

I lie here, as Heero gasps next to me, and I sob. I cry and cry and I can't control it.

And then Heero touches my shoulder and pulls my head to rest on his chest. Calm washes over me and I know I completed it. Heero's breathing slows and I can't see his smile but I know it's there.

_...Now you're satisfied..._

"Thank you," he whispers.

I lift my head and smile weakly at him, the torrent of emotions I pulled from him roiling in my chest. His features are peaceful and he regards me with gratitude.

_...That twinkle in your eye..._

And his eyes droop and I watch him as he falls into a deep slumber.

_...Go to sleep for ten..._

I get up and put my clothes back on. My legs are weak and my head is swimming and the dizziness nearly overwhelms me. I steady myself on the bedpost and gaze fondly at the sleeping Heero Yuy as I wait for my head to clear.

_...Anticipating..._

I arrange the pillows around him and pull the covers up to his chin. I put on my socks and shoes. I stand in the middle of the room, staring at nothing.

..._How we'll be waiting..._

I can't think. All I can see are those images that are seared into my brain, all I can feel is that hurt and rage and pain and guilt. I am trembling with it.

_...For you to wake up and..._

The shaking becomes spastic and the dizziness attacks me again. I turn and run to the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet before I vomit. I retch and retch, sob and sob. I cry and vomit until there is nothing left. I can't keep this. Not this. Not this.

~*~

I sat there by the toilet for nearly an hour, feeling drained and weak. I wonder what Heero would do next. I wonder if he'll go looking for Duo...or just let it be. And for a split second I wonder, '_what the hell did I just do?'_

Heero may not want him anymore. Duo kept him close to that pain. That pain was what was distracting him from the guilt. It anchored him, kept him sane. And I just eased him of it. The guilt won't go away after one night of lovemaking with an empath. That kind of trauma is going to take years to fully sort through.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I sigh and run my hands over my face. I hope Trowa finds Duo. I have this feeling of something being misplace. That something isn't right. Maybe Duo could give us a little more clarity on what happened between them.

_...Hot temptations..._

_...Sweet temptations..._

_...Infiltrating through..._

_...Sweet temptations..._

_...Hot temptations..._

_...Coming over you..._


	4. Not the Doctor

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Not the Doctor  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Alanis Morissette, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Come On Closer. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: 3x2  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! This segment gets a teensy bit intense, so make sure you read and understand the warnings before proceeding. Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Trowa's POV, and the song is Not the Doctor, by Alanis Morissette

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Four

**Not the Doctor**

I thank the attendant and shoulder my backpack, walking from the docking port. I arrived here on the L2 space colony nearly two hours ago. Docking ports are usually crowded, but this was ridiculous. I wonder if there is a holiday coming up soon. Oh yeah, that Easter thing.

I roll my eyes and wonder if Duo is celebrating Easter this year. He usually celebrates every holiday anyone could possible think of. Last year, we had Easter dinner at their house. Probably not going to happen this year.

I turn left at Sequoia Ave. and then right again on Main Street. I walk four blocks until I come to the strip mall. I stare at it for a moment and then decide to stop for a club sandwich or something of that nature. I really don't have a clue whether or not Duo will be up here in space. Externally, it didn't seem probable. But, no matter how much Duo hated this colony, he still thought of it as his home.

And a lost boy always runs home.

_...I don't want to be the filler…_

…_If the void is solely yours..._

And there is no sense in starving myself while I traverse on a whim.

I get in line at the deli and look over the meat selections. I narrow my eyes when I feel a presence stop suddenly behind me. I can practically smell his fear. I stare at the reflection of the glass that was serving as a window to the icebox and moved slightly to the left.

I'm not sure who was more surprised when I turn around to stare him. Duo, dressed strangely in black suit slacks, white shirt with the collar unbuttoned, and a black suit jacket, with his hair in a lowered ponytail instead of the braid he usually wore it in, stood stock still, eyes wide, his mouth partially open in pure terror.

_...I don't want to be your glass of sealed malt whiskey…_

…_Hidden in the bottom drawer..._

What the hell did he think I would do?

He shook himself and almost turns away. He actually looks like he is about to take off before he thinks better of it and walks towards me instead. His stance is wary but his stride is quick and precise, bringing a hand up to wave at me and plastering a smile on his face.

_...I don't want to be the bandage…_

…_If the wound is not mine..._

I've seen him do that before. I don't like it when he smiles falsely at me. After all we've been through together; the least he could do is smile genuinely at me or not at all.

I settle my features into their usual calm as he closes the distance between us. I politely step out of line and greet him with a curt nod.

"Imagine seeing you here," I say coolly.

He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it before anything comes out. His eyes dart around nervously and I see his smile slip. He tries to recover it, fails, and lets it drop.

He grabs my elbow with trembling fingers and I allow him to lead me into a private corner.

"What are you doing here?" he asks in a low voice.

"What are _you _doing here?" I counter calmly.

_...Lend me some fresh air..._

His eyes finally come to rest on my face, which he regards with annoyance. "I live here, Tro," he snaps. "Or have you forgotten?"

He's dancing around the truth. He never lies, but he can dance his ass off when he wants to.

And I forgot my dancing shoes.

I promptly punch him in the face.

~*~

_...I don't want to be adored… _

…_for what I merely represent to you..._

It doesn't take long for me to carry Duo's body to a cab, explaining to the driver that he was drunk, and then into the motel room where I shutter the windows and turn off the lights.

I test the strength of the ceiling fan with my own weight before I cuff Duo's wrists and hang him from it. I ripp up the sheets of one of the beds and use a strip to cover Duo's closed lids and place a stool under Duo's feet so that he doesn't suffocate. I leave his clothes on except for his socks and shoes.

_...I don't want to be your babysitter…_

…_You're a very big boy now..._

I sit in the chair by the front door and admire my handiwork.

I'm not really an artist, but I don't think you have to be one when the material you're working with is Duo Maxwell.

He hangs there like a fallen angel. The daylight seeping through the cracks in the shutters illuminate his cherub's face. His full mouth darkens with blood and is swollen from the punch I delivered to knock him out. His incredibly long chestnut hair falls around his face, hiding his closed lids and streaming down his back, held in any semblance of order with his black hair tie.

_...I don't want to be your mother…_

…_I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months..._

The bottom hem of his white button down barely covers his bellybutton because his arms are raised so high, exposing his well-toned abdomen. The V of his pelvic muscles disappear into his black slacks and I wonder again why he was dressed like that.

He would never wear a business suit on L2. He wouldn't feel comfortable. Jeans and a tee or an outfit made of leather; that's pretty much Duo's wardrobe.

Duo didn't even wear a suit when Relena married that French diplomat two years ago.

_...Show me the back door..._

I pull my chair closer so I can look up into Duo's face. The dark circles under his eyes are new. At least, as of a month ago when I saw him last.

I can never decide if time in between seeing Duo is too much or to little. Don't get me wrong, I am quite positive that I love this man. But it's a strange kind of love. At least, in terms of what I know of the concept.

We'd always fuck before missions in the first colony war. In fact, I think we were the first two to begin the trend between the five of us. No, I'm positive. Duo was the one to whisper in Quatre's ear that I'd wanted him. I'm not sure if I would have ever approached him on my own. And, I suppose, the rest is history.

_...Visiting hours are nine to five…_

…_But If I show up at ten, past six..._

However, I don't think I actually _liked_ Duo, though, until after I destroyed his gundam.

I smile, remembering. He made me pay for that. He really did. And then he forgave me and held me until my subsequent sobbing passed through my system.

Honestly, to this day, I couldn't give a shit about his damn gundam. That was never the point and, at the time, Duo knew this better than I did.

_...Well, I already know that you'll find some way… _

…_to sneak me in that door..._

He punished me for everything and anything I've ever done in my lengthy young adult life. Things that I blamed myself for that, in retrospect, weren't really as awful as I made them out to be. People I've hurt and killed and ignored and blamed and stolen from...there's freedom in it. There's pleasure in the pain of it. Love in the hate. A relief like the sigh of an angel as you sit there and let your lover bandage you up afterwards.

The most special part of it, I think, is the desperation in the _trust_ you feel as you stop remembering whether you should beg your lover to continue or stop. When you just surrender to it and you let it wash over you. And then you're floating. And then there's peace.

I had such terrible nightmares before that night.

_...Find the empty bottle…_

…_With the holes along the bottom…_

…_You see?..._

I never thought I'd be able to repay him until now. However, I'm not sure it'll work the same way. I have this nagging feeling that Duo is so much more skilled at the dark side of pleasure than most people that...I may try to return the favor, trying to get him out of whatever shit he has put himself into, but just end up hurting him physically.

_...It's too much to ask for and…_

…_I am not the doctor..._

I'm trying not to think of how angry Heero is going to be if he finds out about this. He's been looking for Duo for about two weeks now and for me to find him so easily is something to ponder. But maybe not now. Not in this moment.

I try not to think of how badly I want him to wake up and look at me with fear and respect. I don't think I could bear it. This is why I blindfolded him.

_...I don't want to be the sweeper of… _

…_the eggshells that you walk upon..._

I try not to think of how often I've wanted to conquer him like this and how odd it is that I'm actually doing this as a favor to Heero. Heero doesn't understand why Duo does the things he does, acts the way he acts. For the most part, he is a mystery to me too. But I do know Duo hates himself. For reasons I think only I'd be able to understand, he really feels soiled around shining people like Heero Yuy, much like the way I used to feel around Quatre. And no one has ever tried to offer this ministry to Duo before. I spoke to Quatre about it once and he said he didn't think it was a good idea. Duo had been tortured too often by Oz and the Alliance during the colony wars. Quatre didn't think Duo's ever gotten over that. I argued that torture at enemy hands and torture at the hands of love and compassion is something altogether different. It had been the end of the discussion. Quatre did not understand and, being as how I really didn't either, I had let the matter drop.

_...I don't want to be your other half… _

…_I believe that one and one make two..._

I don't know. I really don't know.

I just know feels right.

And Heero told me once to follow my feelings.

Duo makes a noise in the back of his throat. I become very still, watching with bated breath.

Duo shifts, the blanket of unconsciousness slipping from him. He lifts his head and tries to capture the tail end of the blindfold with his mouth. He can't reach it.

_...I don't want to be your food or… _

…_the light from the fridge on your face at midnight..._

I can't help myself. I smile.

_...Hey, what're you hungry for?.._

Duo tugs with his arms, trying to free himself from the bonds that hang him from the ceiling. He tugs and tugs, the metal of the handcuffs biting into the tender flesh and bone of his wrists.

Then he goes very still. "Hello?" he calls out. And I note the fear in his voice. I don't answer.

"Listen," he says. "I told you you'd have the money by Tuesday. I know for a fucking fact it's no where near Tuesday. Why are you gettin' premature on me?"

I say nothing. I don't even move.

"Fine," he says, desperation making the tenor in his voice higher than usual even though he was trying to control the situation. "You need it sooner, I'll get it sooner. This really isn't the way to ask, though."

He pauses, listening. I wait. He waits. I can taste his panic. God, this is surreal.

After a few moments, he begins to struggle frantically against his bonds. He's thrashing and cursing and then the panic that had been boiling up inside of him spills out and he is screaming now. "Answer me, fucker! I can hear you breathing! I have powerful friends, you'll fucking die for this..."

_...I don't want to be the glue… _

…_that holds your pieces together..._

And his screaming becomes a roar and he's struggling so violently that I eye the ceiling fan. It may not hold if Duo continues on like this. And I'm staring at his wrists. They're covered in blood and cut flesh and Duo is moving so violently it looks like he's trying to break his own wrists to get free. And then I remember there has to be trust for this to work.

"Duo."

Suddenly he stops and he's listening again. His body is quivering and I watch the blood drip from his wrists and down his forearms. He must've severed the veins. The realization that he could bleed to death while hanging there excites me and I don't pause to wonder why. I'm up and out of the chair and circling him.

And then his head snaps up and I can see he finally recognizes my voice because of his wicked smile. Finally a true smile. Barely a stretch of lips, his mouth partially open, his sharp, perfectly white teeth flashing dangerously, and I'm glad again that he's tied up. I'm still afraid of him. Always have been. He could devour my soul and damn me to hell if he wanted to. He knows me that well. And now he's bleeding to death, hanging from a ceiling fan, grinning at me with that lustful malice that is always behind his eyes. Always. And I'm hard for it.

_...I don't want to be your idol… _

…_see this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights..._

"Fuck _YOU_, Trowa," he murmurs, barely concealed laughter rolling behind every word. "Lemme down. I'm not in the mood."

"No." I know he's testing me. He won't let me minister to him unless he knows I can take the heat. "_Signale_?"

The _signale_ is the word Duo will utter when he REALLY wants me to stop. It has to be a word that has nothing to do with the act so it is recognized immediately.

Duo shakes his head in the amusement. "You know, it might have been useful to go over ground rules before you punched me in the face, asshole. Let me down."

"_Signale_?" I repeat.

Flash of sharp white teeth again and I wonder if he is pure evil and we just think he's a good guy because he's _pretty_. He's never pretended to be otherwise. He called himself Shinigami during the wars and we didn't believe him. Maybe he was telling the truth. He did say he never lies.

_...I don't want to be lived through… _

…_by precarious occasion, please..._

He's chuckling now and I notice the small puddle of blood gathering under his feet. He managed to kick the stool when he was thrashing about but his toes touch the carpet so he's okay.

"And what do you plan to do to me?" he asks softly, the laughter in his voice becoming annoying. And I know he's trying to annoy me. Like I said, Duo is a professional at the dark side of pleasure.

"_Signale_?" I repeat again, leveling my voice and keeping it distant and nearly disinterested.

_...roll down the window..._

Something sags in Duo's shoulders and his head slumps again. "I won't need one," he mutters. "At this point, I'd let you kill me before saying the _signale_."

"Which is?"

_...Visiting hours are nine to five…_

…_But If I show up at ten, past six..._

Duo is quiet for a moment, the smile gone from his beautiful features. He's ready, I can feel it, I can practically taste the bitterness welling up in him, the self-hate...and I pause in front of him, letting him feel my breath on his cheek. He lifts his head, craning his neck, and manages to murmur the _signale_ into my mouth. I bite his lower lip before pulling away.

Orphan. Odd. Well, the _signale_ is the _signale_.

_...Well, I already know you'll find some way… _

…_to sneak me in that door..._

I pull out my pocket knife. I grin because I use it for everything. I sterilized it before coming here but I wonder if I'll ever use it again. I circle behind him, slashing at his clothes every once and a while, not quite hitting his skin and Duo is quiet and waiting.

I pull at his ponytail and he gasps. "No," he breathes in disbelief. "Trowa..." I lift it and let him feel the cool metal against his neck. Duo would go mad if I cut his hair. "No, Trowa," Duo whispers as he begins to struggle. I put the knife to his hair and he opens his mouth in a big 'O' and begins to say it. "Or-" And I cut the hair band around his ponytail and watch his hair fall in sheets around his body, so free and loose and thick and so very, very soft. I move behind him, pressing my body against his and place my chin on his shoulder. I trace his cheek with the tip of my knife leisurely and watch the small little red lines well up with blood.

_...Find the empty bottle…_

…_With the holes along the bottom, you see?..._

"I thought you said you'd let me kill you before saying the _signale_," I remind him matter-of-factly. "Within two minutes I had you saying it."

He turns his face toward mine, following my voice, and laughs shamelessly. "Anything but the hair," he says.

_...It's too much to ask for and…_

…_I am not the doctor..._

I push away from him and relish in his hiss as his swinging body adds to the pain of his bleeding wrists. I cut at his clothes some more, watch as scrap after scrap of cloth sheds itself from his body.

"What's with the suit?" I ask calmly as I work around my subject. Michelangelo once said, _'I took a block of marble and chipped away everything that was NOT David.'_ I think about this as turn his odd clothing into rags.

Duo does not answer. I know he is thinking. I also know I'm not really going to get answers out of him. He wouldn't even talk when Oz soldiers tortured him. Sadly, that's why we always threw him into holding cells for insurance when we were infiltrating a base or something. We knew Duo would never talk and we knew he'd always escape. And we knew he'd forgive us for it later.

Or did we?

_...I don't want to live on Sunday…_

…_when my motto is last week..._

Has he really forgiven us? Or are we assuming?

I step back and do a once over on Duo's form. He is gloriously nude except for a few scraps hanging from his arms and legs here and there. Blood is trickling from his wrists, down his arms, down the flat planes of his stomach and the curve of his sides, and down the muscles of his legs and dripping from his toes. Long, long lines of red. He was so beautiful. So very, very beautiful. His hair flows around him and nearly covers his body where his clothes no longer do.

I pause, wondering if he's passed out from blood loss. He hasn't moved for a long time. No, he's moving his head up, looking in the general direction of where he thought I'd most likely be.

"So," he says. "How long have you dreamed of this? How long have you sat patient at Quatre's side, waiting for the opportunity to punish me at the mighty Heero Yuy's bidding?"

His sarcasm angers me, his mocking reference to Quatre pisses me off, his teasing confuses me, but I punch him in the gut anyway, wondering who was really in charge of this game. Him or me? Obviously him, I muse as he grunts and breathes heavily and nips playfully at my goddamn _ear_ with his teeth!

"I see your masochistic streak has won out, Duo," I say as I step away from him.

And he smiles again. Not wicked this time. Sad. A pathetically sad smile and I know I am in way over my head.

I become frustrated because I don't know what Duo needs. I don't know why he is here...and I can't wrap my head around why he would just disappear without consulting his friends first.

"It wasn't your fault," I say, the words spilling from my mouth before I can think them through.

The smile disappears and his body trembles. I frown. Where did he just go with what I said? I remember him telling me once that he did a lot of things he regretted as a kid. He wouldn't specify, but I know it still bothers him.

I said it again. "It wasn't your fault."

A sob catches in his throat and he turns his face away. I furrow my brows and think. I've been beating the crap out of him for about an hour and the first sob is from, 'it wasn't your fault'? Maybe I have Duo all backwards.

_...I don't want to be responsible… _

…_for your fractured heart and its wounded beat..._

I inch closer to him, the sickly, sweet smell of his blood acrid in my nose. "It wasn't your fault," I repeat. "Say it."

Tears are streaming down his face and he shakes his head. "You don't understand, Tro..."

I slap him. "Do I need to? Say it."

"I consented," he sobs. "I was so hungry, Tro. I took money from 'em. I don't want Heero to know; promise me you won't tell Heero..."

Oh, my God.

I blink and try to sort through what he's telling me. I have to do this quickly. He's bleeding to death.

I take a guess and say: "A child doesn't have the right to consent."

And his sobbing is violent now. Dear God, I guessed right. Duo must've sold himself for food money when he was running the streets of L2 as a kid. No wonder his relationships are all strange and primarily physical; Duo has no idea what love looks like outside of sex.

_...I don't want to be the substitute… _

…_for the smoke you've been inhaling..._

"Fuck you, Trowa," he rasps at me when I put my hands on either side of his face.

"It wasn't your fault," I say. "Say it."

"It wasn't your fault," he mimics and I backhand him.

"Goddammit, Duo," I growl. "All this fucking _bullshit_ you blame yourself for is making you and everyone you care about miserable. Stop being self-righteous about this."

I pause as I see him grimace. He knows. He knows his behavior hurts Heero. He knows it but it just feeds the dragon of his self-loathing and he leans into it. It's like he's addicted to it.

_...Why do you thank me?..._

…_What do you thank me for?..._

I begin kissing his face, softly, ever so softly, his nose, his eyes, his brow, his mouth, his cheeks, all the while murmuring to him and watching as the kind words hit him like blows. "You're beautiful, and fun, and caring, and sweet, and strong, and pure. You're the best friend anyone could have, Duo. You ARE loveable, and you DO matter, and your friends WILL miss you if you die, so fucking say it wasn't your fault so I can let you the fuck _down_!!"

His sobbing has resumed. He doesn't believe a word I just said. I don't know what to do. I'm not a fucking doctor and I sure as hell am not a therapist. I have no idea what to do.

I do know that I'd rather watch him bleed to death than let him down and watch him self-destruct around everyone I care about and run around miserable for the rest of his life. Odd, I'd kill him out of love. Seems almost like a religious cameo, I muse as I unwrap his blindfold and let those searing violet eyes gaze on me through tears and blood.

"Say it," I murmur.

_...Visiting hours are nine to five…_

…_But If I show up at ten, past six..._

And he does. And after the first, "It wasn't my fault," it was torrent of them. A thousands confessions of innocence streaming out of him and it was almost like Duo had been trying to convince himself he was dirty and impure.

Quickly, I unlock the cuffs around his wrists and he falls heavily against me. I lay him down on the bed and tie tourniquets tightly over his bleeding arms and hands. I pull out the bags of fluid and blood I had been keeping in the fridge in case all this had gotten out of hand--and I think it may have--and take out sterile needles and turn the motel room into a makeshift hospital.

_...Well, I already know you'll find some way… _

…_to sneak me in that door..._

After clean blood is flowing back into him, I wash him down. His crying continues as I clean him, his violet eyes watching me gently wash away all the blood and sweat that had gathered on his limbs. Then, I wipe down the furniture and scrub the carpet. The blood stain will always be there, but it didn't have to look like it was fresh.

Duo is still awake when I was finish and I crawl into bed next to him. He is watching me with a mingled sense of fear and wonder, the tears flowing from his eyes seemingly endless. I hold him close to me and whisper how wonderful he is and how glad I am that he's alive, over and over. I stroke his hair, hair I would never really cut in a million years, and rock him to sleep.

_...Find the empty bottle…_

…_With the holes along the bottom..._

I know there is more for Duo to deal with. This kind of stuff doesn't go away in one night. But I did what I could and I feel closer to him now. Maybe someone can help him heal where I simply re-opened the wound.

Maybe...

_...You see?..._

I fall asleep breathing in Duo's scent and wake up the following morning breathing in Duo's scent from the pillow he'd slept on the night before.

Duo is no where to be found...and if I told you I looked for him, it'd be a lie.

_...It's too much to ask for and..._

Duo would come back when he's ready.

Or not.

How should I know? I'm no doctor.

_...I am not the doctor..._


	5. Politick

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Politick  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Coldplay, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Politick. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: 5x6  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! This chapter has a refreshing splash of humor. It was fun to write something where Wufei isn't the asshole, but he is used to help everyone breathe a little easier. I remain grounded in my opinion that should Wufei have grown to be a man, he would have had the most wicked sense of humor. Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Wufei's POV, and the song is Politick, by Coldplay

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Five

**Politick**

Solitare.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually do like it better being alone. I seem to be a lot happier around people. Especially my friends.

I'm practicing kendo on the roof of my flat, like I do every morning before I go to work, and, like every other morning, I take this time to think. I think about philosophy, I think about the wars and my part in them, I think about peace, and I think about my friends.

_...Look at us..._

_...from outer space..._

I think I would probably go mad out here if Sally didn't work at the same base. Our Unit is in a random and very reclusive spot in the Tsing Penn pass. It's beautiful, but it's in the middle of no where. Noin thought I'd like the recluse. Hell, _I_ thought I'd like the recluse; but I don't, not really.

I mean, it's nice sometimes. Especially when I'm studying philosophy or Haiku. After a while, though, it can become dreadfully _boring_.

Sally feels it too. We've made a religious habit of flying into town every weekend to enjoy the fast-pace nightlife of the city, and into Hong Kong once a month, and every six months we take a vacation.

I never thought it would be possible to be this bored.

Our location is perfect for reconnaissance missions, though. I must say, we do get the more exciting missions. Still, the downtime is torture.

_...everyone..._

_...must find a place..._

I put my things away and take a shower. Afterwards, I clothe, pull on my Preventer jacket and my boots, climb into my jeep, and take off down the dirt path, beginning the two hour trek to the Unit base that I commute every single day.

I nod to the soldier who waves me in at the gate, drive down the airstrip, and park in Bunker Four. I'm not sure why I insist on parking my jeep in the bunkers and not the parking lot. It just seems odd for a former gundam pilot to have to park his car in a parking lot.

_...give me time... _

_...and give me space..._

I grab my briefcase and my duffle bag and take Corridor E to the elevator, and then up four stories and to the right and I'm in my office.

Sally smiles at me from behind her desk. Despite myself, I grin and sit in my chair.

"Anything new?" I ask.

Sally's smile widens and I see a mischievous twinkle in her bright blue eyes. I thought about asking her to marry me once. Why not, right? I decided against it, though. We've always had more fun as friends. And, everyone knows, this woman's gotten me out of my shit more than once. If it wasn't for her giving me a third chance at a normal life after the Mariemeia disaster, I'd probably be in jail right now for treason.

It's strange, the single adult life. I have so many lovers, it's unreal. Even Milliardo climbs into my bed when he's at odds with Noin. I grin, thinking of the platinum blonde. I don't know what moves him to fly all the way to China every time he gets into an argument with Noin. They're a strange couple, to be sure. Noin visits Sally more often than would seem professional and I wonder if that's what she's grinning about now.

_...give me real..._

_...don't give me fake..._

I raise a brow. "Well?"

"We've got a rat," she murmurs, trying to hide the glee in her voice.

I nod, smirking at her excitement. She looks for the entire world like a lioness on the hunt. "Rat?" I ask, pressing for clarity.

She coughs, ice blue eyes darting around the office. She jumps up and closes the office door, dropping a file on my desk.

I pick up the file and begin thumbing through the paperwork. I concentrate on a sub file that had a short summary of a convicted felon from L2. I frown, staring at the man's picture. He looked an awful lot like the gentleman that waves me into the gate at my Unit every morning.

I close the file and toss it on my desk. "Oh, you mean a mole."

Sally waves her hands imperiously at me. "Whatever. What do you wanna do with him?"

I laugh, seeing the child-like excitement bubbling up. We really do get that bored at this base. "Why haven't you arrested him yet?"

Sally's mouth quirks as if she doesn't understand the question. She looks at the file and then back at me. I sigh and pick the folder back up. Sally watches me with her arms crossed impatiently as I read through the rest of the file.

"Oh," I say when I had finished.

_...Give me strength... _

_...to deserve control..._

The man was affiliated with a powerful crime lord from the outer space colonies that we were currently in the workings of staking out.

Sally peeks through the blinds of our office window. "Do you remember the outline for Operation Orphan?"

I lean back into my chair. "Yes. I wrote it. It was nil because the mission was too dangerous for a lone agent and more than one agent would blow the cover. It was scrapped because Une wouldn't let me do it and she couldn't think of anyone she could trust that she'd be willing to lose if the operation went bad."

Sally nodded. "That guy was sent here to get a peek at the operations details."

"Why? The operation was scrapped."

Sally shakes her head at me, the cheerfulness gone, replaced by a solemn air that makes her look like royalty.

I frown. "Operation's a go?"

Sally nods. "Nobody said you weren't quick."

I roll my eyes at her and lean forward, concerned again. "Who the hell did she send?"

Sally shrugs, a slightly helpless look playing across her features. "I don't know. I wasn't exactly privy to all that information."

I nod. She was bored and probably tied the connection when she found the mole. Or maybe she was just doing her job.

I rub the back of my neck. "That mission was too dangerous. Why did she send an agent out anyway?"

And then I am angry. "And how the hell does she come off thinking that another soldier's life is less important than mine?!!!"

Sally grimaces. She knew that had to be coming.

I fume about that for the rest of the day. How dare she? What the hell? AND she knows I'm bored out of my fucking mind!

At five, I climb back into my jeep, scowl at the mole at the gate, and drive home.

_...give me heart... _

_...and give me soul..._

I unlock my front door and toss my jacket on the couch. I hang up the keys and the whirl around, my pistol pointed at the intruder.

A flash of white teeth and I'm grinning back. "Another fight with Noin?" I ask.

Milliardo rolls his eyes. "I think we're starting to fight on purpose now."

I switch on the hallway light. "You could call ahead, you know. Like normal people."

He grabs my arm and pulls me against him. "We're not like normal people," he whispers before kissing me.

Ah, well.

_...give me time… _

…_give us a kiss..._

Later, as he lays next to me, gloriously naked, propped up against the pillows, and reading a book, I tell him about the mole. And then I tell him about Operation O.

He puts his book down and looks at me seriously. "Orphan is active?"

I nod and watch him chew on the inside of his cheek.

"There's not many people who could pull off that mission," he says. "Do they have the agent's rehabilitation program set-up?"

"They should," I say. "It was part of the operation. I'm not sure, though."

"Une could get in a lot of trouble if it goes bad."

"Because the agent died?" I snort. "Or because it'll look bad on her damn resume?"

_...tell me of the politick..._

Milliardo laughs softly and picks his book back up.

"Is there any way to find out who the agent is?" I ask.

"I'm sure there is," he says, turning a page.

_...And open up your eyes..._

_...open up your eyes..._

I settle back into the pillows, thinking. Sally wanted to keep the mole unawares so it didn't endanger the agent in the field. We both know how serious that operation is. The plan was to take out the underground crime circles on L2 in one go. It seemed improbable, but I found a way that it could work. I really don't like the idea of some hapless soldier carrying out a crazy, insanely dangerous mission that I thought up on a whim. Especially without my notification.

_...open up your eyes..._

_...open up your eyes..._

I'll contact Une in the morning.

I fold my arms behind my head and think myself to sleep.

In the morning, I leave Milliardo sleeping in my bed, knowing he'd be gone when I got home. I drive to my Unit, scowl at the mole again, and park in Bunker Four.

I walk into my office, two minutes late, to find Sally pacing our office like a caged tiger and wringing her hands like a worried mother.

I close the door and leaned against it. She pauses to look over at me and opens her mouth to say something; and then closed it.

I raise a brow at her. "Spit it out," I say.

"I checked your e-mail. I know you haven't in weeks, so I did, and I found a message from Winner."

"From Winner?" I ask worriedly. "What's wrong?"

_...give me one..._

_...'cause one is best..._

"Duo's missing."

I froze half way to my desk. "What do you mean, _'Duo's missing'_?!" I demand.

"The message said that he and Heero had had an argument and left. He's been gone for six weeks."

"No contact?" I am confused. Duo and Heero arguing isn't exactly a national crisis. They're in love. That's what lovers do.

_...in confusion... _

_...call for deaths..._

"Trowa found him on L2. He says he's a wreck." Sally is pacing again, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Wreck?"

"Dressed like a businessman, lost a lot of weight...Trowa thinks he's using again."

My shoulders slumped. Oh, no. Duo had been addicted to everything under the sun before he started training for Operation M. We had found traces of methamphetamines in his blood after the war. He had said he used it to stay awake on missions. He had to be clean before working for the Preventers and he had been tested every two weeks for a few years so the Preventers were sure he'd been staying clean. It hadn't seemed very difficult for Duo and everything had been dealt with very quietly.

It's been years since he's used. I honestly don't think that an 'argument' would drive him back to it. Duo always said that it was the worst circle of hell.

_...give me peace... _

_...of mind to trust..._

Sally is staring at me.

"What?" I demand. "I'm thinking, stop staring."

She frowns and looks away. "Well, while you're thinking," she says, taking a seat behind her desk. "Remember, Operation Orphan went into effect six weeks ago."

A chill passes over me. There's no way...

"You don't think she'd actually send..."

Sally meets my eyes. "I do," she says.

_...don't forget the rest of us..._

I lose my temper. It momentarily blinds me and, with wrathful shout, I shove the modem and the piles of clutter and paper off of my desk. I cannot believe that bitch would actually send DUO of all fucking people! This mission is NOT for someone like DUO! If it doesn't kill him, it'll drive him MAD!!!!

What the goddamn fuck is she thinking?!!

_...give me strength... _

_...to deserve control..._

I take in a deep breath. And why the fuck would he _TAKE_ the damn mission in the first place?

He's an orphan who fucking sold his body for food when he was living on the streets of L2 15 years ago AND he's a recovering drug addict! What the _hell_ was HE thinking?

And then a thought seizes me and I find it very, very hard to breathe. I wrote this mission. I wrote the mission that is destroying Duo Maxwell, my annoying and clever comrade, good friend, and sometimes lover. I wrote it. Dear gods, I've killed him.

I put my head in my hands and groan. I'd so much rather be bored right now.

_...give me heart... _

_...and give me soul..._

"I've already arranged for a helicopter to pick you up in an hour," Sally says. "It'll take you to where a jet is standing by, which will take you directly to New York."

I stand slowly to my feet, my fingertips resting on the polished surface of my desk, my head bowed.

Sally stands up and walks over to me. She grasps my shoulders and asks me to look up at her. I do.

"This is not your fault," she says. She knows I won't believe her, but I'm thankful for her kind words anyway.

I kiss her full on the mouth before leaving the office and heading down to Bunker Four. I drive away from the pick up point and stop at the gate where I promptly break the mole's neck and drop his criminal file on his chest.

_...use the heel... _

_...to crack the fist..._

Then I drive back to the pick up point and wait for the helicopter to land. I duck inside the bird and it takes off. We land at the airstrip where the jet is and I jump out. I jog over to the jet and take the little stairway two steps at a time. I don't seem to register the shock of Milliardo sitting there, looking stricken, and waiting for me.

"Please tell me you didn't know about this," I growl.

"I didn't," he says, shaking his platinum head. "Sally called your house after you left, looking for you. She told me and said to meet you here."

..._Tell me of the politick..._

I nod and sit next to him. The jet hums and rumbles and takes off.

We are in the sub-stratosphere before Milliardo speaks again.

_...Open up your eyes..._

_...open up your eyes..._

"I...don't really know Maxwell all that well," he says, softly. "We've never had a proper conversation, I don't think. But I do know how much you care about him and how important he is to you five."

I look at him blearily. I'm in no mood for his cultivated speeches and sugared condolences.

He touches my cheek tentatively. "I'll do what I can. We'll get him out alive, I promise you."

I blink. Tenderness was never really a part of our relationship. Wry humor, sexual need, and playfulness just about summed it up. Tenderness, never. Until now.

I'm blinking back tears and I lay my head on his shoulder.

_...open up your eyes..._

_...just open up your eyes..._

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Zechs," I murmur.

"I don't," he responds.

I don't want to think about how Heero is going to react to this. But I do anyway. I don't want to think of how miserable Duo is right now. But I do anyway. I especially don't want to think about how hard it's going to be to NOT kill Une when I see her next. But I do.

And I don't want to think about how L2 will never be a safe colony if we blow Duo's cover with a rescue mission. But I do. And I despise my own thoughts.

_...Look, give me life over..._

_...life over..._

_...life over this..._

I shut my eyes and pray to whatever ancestor was listening for Duo's safety.

You know? I really thought this dramatic bullshit was over. Really _over_. Heero told me to believe in the world we live in today. But this world is still a cruel place. I tried to understand. I really fucking tried. And I believed.

And now _this_ shit.

_...I..._

The blood in my veins starts to churn again and I try to hold my rage at bay. Operation Orphan is about to get a swift kick in the ass...or, at least, that's how Duo would say it.

_...Give me life over..._

_...life over... _

_...life over this..._


	6. Taking Over Me

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Taking Over Me  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Evanescence, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Taking Over Me. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: HxN, H+2  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Hilde's POV, and the song is Taking Over Me, by Evanescence

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Six

**Taking Over Me**

_...You don't remember me... _

_...but I..._

_...remember you..._

"You're getting lost in this monster of yours, Duo!" I'm screaming at him. I can't remember the last time I've yelled at him like this. I think it may have been during the 1st colony war, in space, in the cockpit of a mobile suit, because I didn't know where his allegiances lay. God, it feels like that all over again.

He's been acting like a deranged asshole since he showed back up here on L2 six weeks ago. He said he was working on getting the money for the orphanage. I don't believe him. How can I?

He used to say that he never lies. I used to believe that. He had never given me a reason to believe otherwise. But, now, it's like I don't know him at all.

He's mocking me now and tossing that accursed ponytail over his shoulder. What happened to the braid he always kept it in?

His body is thin and frail, black circles smudging those dull purple eyes that used to be so bright with life and merriment. His mouth had transformed from generous, full, and smiling to a constantly scowling, hard line. His full cheeks had turned sunken and his shimmering hair is now dingy and frayed with split ends and I can't possibly fathom, of all things, why he'd let his hair go like that. His hair used to be his most prized possession.

"Goddammit, Duo, don't you dare fucking walk away from me!"

He turns his glower on me and I have to fight not wince.

"What the fuck do you want, Hilde?" he asks and I want to spit at him. He's a terrible shadow of what he used to be. He's used up, and I tell him so.

"Fuck you, Hilde," he says, cornering me against the kitchen counter. I refuse to be afraid of him...but I think I may be lying to myself. "I don't owe you anything."

"What about all those kids you were preaching about saving?" I shoot back, jutting my chin obstinately at him. "How the fuck do you think you're going to save money for the orphanage if you keep spending all your goddamn money on drugs?!!"

He chuckles softly; rubbing his arm where I knew the sleeve of his shirt covered the countless abscesses marring his skin. "_Oh, yea of so little faith_."

I rear my head, my anger makes me tremble. "Don't you dare fucking use that religious psycho babble bullshit on me," I shout. "Especially when you're fucking using!"

I know he's hurting. I hear his wretched sobs coming from the bathroom at night when I lie in bed, trying not to hate him.

_...I lie awake and try so hard... _

_...not to think of you..._

But I do. We used to be so close. Best friends. He's like family to me. But he refuses to tell me what's going on with him. He won't let me in.

I hate him for keeping me in the dark. I hate him for giving up when he had worked so hard to get and stay clean. I hate him for selling out on his dream, those kids we've worked so hard to help, and most of all, himself. And, God help me, I hate Heero for whatever he did to drive him back to the life Duo used to hate so much.

_...But who can decide... _

_...what they dream..._

_...and dream I do..._

And I hate myself for not knowing what to do…for feeling so goddamn helpless.

And, after all this...I still want to believe in him. I'm clinging to the hope that he'll wake up and realize that he has at least one person who's rooting for him.

Me.

_...I believe in you..._

"Hilde," he whispers, suddenly looking spent and forlorn. "I'm trying...I know you can't trust me right now...and I really don't want you to...but, at least...have faith."

I push him away from me. "Tell me what's going on, Duo!" I say.

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't?"

He tries to smile, but it's like he no longer has control over those muscles in his face...it turns into something more like a grimace. "Perhaps a little of both."

I know he's telling the truth. It's so hard not to believe him. "Why?"

He hesitates and then decides to remain silent.

And I'm angry again. "What the fuck, Duo?!!," I shout. "We used to be able to talk about everything! What's going on?!!"

"It has nothing to do with you," he says distantly.

"The fuck it doesn't," I yell. "You show up here every night, in the _middle_ of the night, fucking high as a kite, most times with blood all over you, in MY house--"

"It has nothing to do with you!" he shouts.

"Well, it fucking SHOULD, Duo!" I scream. "You're my best friend, goddammit! It SHOULD--"

"You're not that fucking spectacular, Hilde," he shouts hurtfully, cutting me off again. "The world doesn't revolve around you."

My mouth clamps shut, unbidden tears pricking at my eyes. I cannot believe he's talking to me like this. What the hell did I do?

I spit at him. "I don't want to talk to you until the Duo I love comes back."

He looks stunned, wiping my spittle off his cheek. He glares at me dangerously and my heart skips a beat. Dear God...

He pushes me against the kitchen counter and shakes me. "You don't like this part of me, huh Hilde?" he snarls.

I stare at him wide eyed. I have no idea what he's going to do. God, he's scaring me.

"This has always been here," he whispers darkly, tapping his chest with a finger. "Always. You claim to love me, but you lie. When you love someone, you love all of them. Not just the parts that you like, you selfish bitch."

"This is not you, Duo. You think it is, but it's not."

The corners of his mouth curl up into an ugly smile. "You think so?"

I muster the strength to glare at him. "I think you're fake."

Suddenly, his hand comes up and stops inches away from my face. He's staring at his hand with shock and disbelief and he abruptly lets me go.

"See?" I whisper. "This isn't you. Duo Maxwell doesn't hit women."

_...I'll give up everything... _

_...just to find you..._

He's still staring at his hand. I stand there waiting. C'mon, Duo. Come back to me.

He tears his eyes away from his hand and slumps his shoulders. "Oh, God, Hilde..."

I move toward him tentatively, reaching out with a hand. He pushes my arm away from him and backs away further.

"Don't..." I say before realizing it.

"I shouldn't've dragged you into this, Hilde. I'm so sorry."

He's picking up his jacket. I start to panic. If he leaves...I may not see him again.

"We can figure this out together," I say urgently. "Like the good ol' days."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry," he repeats.

_...I have to be with you..._

"Duo?"

"What?" There was no malice in his answer. He just sounded extremely beaten. This _thing_...it's consuming him.

"You can rely on me," I say. "You can trust me."

He shakes his head again, eyes downcast. He's ashamed. His anger and hurtful words were just trying to cover that up, I realize.

"That kinda thing has to go both ways," he says. "I can offer you neither."

"Duo, please."

He looks up at me. I gasp because he looks like a ghost. He looks dead and hollow beneath his eyes.

"I've got nothin' for ya, Hilde," he says. "All I'm doing is putting you in danger."

He laughs. It was dry, dead sound, like the rustling of autumn leaves. "And I called _you_ selfish."

Suddenly, the tears I'd been trying to hold back start falling. It's a torrent of them and Duo watches them slide down my cheeks for a moment.

_...To live..._

_...to breathe..._

_...you're taking over me..._

He's searching for something to say. I despise him and love him and, fuck, it hurts so badly.

"It hurts to love you, Duo," I sob. "You know that?"

"I didn't," he whispers. "I do now."

"What the hell makes you think you have to do this alone?" I say through my tears. "You have people who love you, people you can trust..."

He smiles gently and he'll never know how much joy that pure expression brings me in this moment. "Like you?"

"Of course, like me," I say angrily. "Have you ever doubted that?"

_...Have you forgotten all I know..._

_...and all we had..._

He runs his hands through his hair before walking towards me. He takes my hand and puts it to his face. I open my hand and he leans his face into my palm, closing his eyes briefly.

My damn tears are still falling as I watch him. I don't know what to say. I know the true Duo is still there. I know there's still hope.

He takes my hand again and places a feather-light kiss on it. Then he takes my head and pulls it down so he can place another kiss on my forehead.

"I've never doubted," he whispers. "Never."

_...You saw me mourning my love for you... _

_...and you touched my hand..._

_...I knew you loved me then..._

"But that's exactly why," he continues softly. "That's exactly why."

"You don't have to baby me, Duo."

"There are bigger things happening right now than you and me," he says insistently. "You have to believe me."

I close my eyes and say nothing.

_...I believe in you..._

I don't open my eyes when he pulls away, or when he puts on his jacket, or when he laces his shoes. I don't open my eyes when he opens the front door. I don't want to believe he's leaving. I want to believe he'll come back...and that hope just won't seem plausible if I watch him go.

"Don't look for me," he says before shutting the door behind him.

He'll come back, I tell myself. He'll come back.

And then I'm on my knees and crying so hard that I am retching. He had _better_ come back.

_...I'll give up everything... _

_...just to find you..._

Day after day passes and still no word from Duo. It's been nearly a week since our argument and nothing.

I cleaned the house probably about fourteen times. I go to the scrap yard everyday and sit in the office. I pore over paperwork and try not to think of him.

It's so hard, though. Every nook and cranny of my life has Duo written all over it. The scrap yard, my house, even this accursed colony.

Nick, my boyfriend, who actually lives on L3, called me on the fifth day. I couldn't help myself, I burst into tears. He asked if I needed him to come visit and I said yes.

_...I have to be with you..._

Nick is the fun, smiling, caring sort...but he pales in comparison to the sunshine Duo could create on a rainy day. I don't think I stopped weeping the entire day that Nick arrived.

I couldn't tell him, of course. Nick knows Duo...but, it just wouldn't be appropriate. And Nick might do something crazy if he found out that Duo was the cause of my tears.

And I don't want to think about what Duo could do to Nick if Nick attacked him.

So, I let Nick hold me and whisper sweet nothings into my hair and I never want to leave the safe haven of his innocent arms.

_...To live... _

_...to breathe..._

_...you're taking over me..._

At night, I can't sleep. I try, every night, but I fail miserably. I'm worried sick about Duo.

I pad to the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I stare at my reflection and see the shadows behind my eyes. I blink and remember the shadows I saw in Duo's eyes day after day. Moving, whispering, and so very, very secret.

I've known the wicked pleasure of battle lust. I know the exhilaration before a fight, my hands twitching with excitement. And I know the terrible guilt that sinks into the pit of my soul when I miss those days.

And I know, deep inside, Duo feels it too.

_...I look in the mirror... _

_...and see your face... _

_...if I look deep enough..._

I know the nightmares. I have them too. I know the nervous skip of my heart when I hear loud, unexpected noises. I know the hopelessness.

And I know the anger of having to struggle to live even though we fought so hard in that damn war. I know the rage at the injustice of it. I know the indignation.

And I know the hurt pride when civilians pity us for it.

I know it.

I know what it's like to hate my past. I didn't have the easiest childhood either.

I know it. But I choose to be happy. I choose not to dwell on it. I choose to live on.

But I'm so afraid that I'm leaving Duo behind in this. But it's like he wants to be left behind.

_...So many things inside the dark..._

_...just like you..._

Goddammit, I don't know what to do. It's been too long since I'd last seen Duo. Way too long.

And I know what I'll have to do.

_...You're taking over..._

I bite my lip. I really don't want to. But, lately, I've been thinking that this whole extremely bizarre thing with Duo is above anything that either Heero or I could possibly have done.

I really don't like the idea of running to Heero for help. I've never had to before. I've never wanted to even speak to him. Duo left me for him once, after all.

I sigh; it's not really his fault. Not really. But it's like an incessant need to blame somebody for the pain in my heart every time I think about that.

He left me for him, during the Mariemeia incident. And, even after all of that, Heero still didn't get the clue. I roll my eyes. Duo came back to live with me afterwards, but it was clear he was still in love with the Perfect Soldier.

I don't really hold a grudge. Not really. I wouldn't have met Nick if it hadn't turned out that way. And I'm grateful for that. But it took years for Duo to stop looking like a lovesick puppy. And right when I thought Duo was getting over him...Heero fucking moves in with him in New York.

I shake my head. I really don't get those two. I really don't.

But right now, Duo needs help...and I'm starting to think I'm in over my head.

_...I believe in you..._

So, I swallow my pride and walk into my home office where my computer is. I spend the next four hours trying to get Heero Yuy on the vidphone.

Finally I do and Heero blinks at me in surprise.

"Hilde?" he asks.

"The one and only," I say. God, this is awkward.

_...I'll give up everything... _

_...just to find you..._

An uncomfortable silence follows. I swallow, trying to think of something clever to say.

"I'm contacting you about Duo," I manage. Not exactly clever, but…okay.

"Duo?!" Heero straightens suddenly, his blue eyes blazing with concern. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

I let out the breath I'd been holding. He really does care about Duo. I had wondered...

"Well?" Heero demanded.

I shake my head. "No, he's not okay and I have no idea where he is."

I watch Heero's features turn ashen and sick with worry as I tell about Duo's mysterious behavior and his worsening addiction. I tell him about the late nights, and his private sobbing, and his insistent secrets. I tell him about his anger and bitterness and about the blood I find on his clothes. I tell him about our last fight, word for word, and about how it's been six days since I've seen him.

Then I ask him: "What the hell happened between you two?"

Heero blinks. "Nothing that would merit that."

"Tell me."

Heero tells me about the women and the booze and the sex and the orgies between the gundam pilots ( I had to stop myself from smiling when he said that--what I would have done to be a fly on THAT wall...) and the arguments and their last night together and what Duo said to him before he left.

I arch my brows, totally confused. "I think we're missing something, Heero."

"I agree," Heero says and I note the slight tremor in his voice. "I didn't know things were so bad up there."

"Yeah, well, you didn't work real hard to find out, did you?" I say angrily. "You never do, when it comes to Duo."

Heero blinks, his eyes wide with his confusion. "He left me...I didn't know I was supposed to go after him..."

"What are you, stupid?" I ask, incredulously. I know I'm being harsh, but, honestly, it feels good. "He's been in love with you for years! And what do you do about it? You wait five years and then start your relationship based on aimless sex! And now he's up here and I know you know he's using again because Trowa was up here a few weeks ago! And you sit there with your thumb up your ass while he's up here killing himself!"

He opens his mouth and shuts it. "I..."

I shake my head and sigh. "I don't think he's using again because of you. I really don't. It's too extreme for that...but, even if you're just a friend to him, you should be playing a more active role in helping him, Heero. And that goes for all four of you."

I watched his eyes darken in anger and I was glad we were so far apart from one another. Not many people live through pissing Heero off.

"Trowa didn't KNOW he was using again," Heero growls, "he just thought it was a possibility because he didn't know why Duo was acting the way he was. No one KNEW how bad it was except YOU. And YOU waited six weeks before contacting anyone for help. Don't think we aren't worried sick about Duo. Duo isn't the type to accept help if he doesn't want it. You'd know that if you really knew him."

I don't think I've ever heard him say that much at one time, _ever_...but I didn't pause to marvel at it. I slammed my fist on my desk and began shouting at him. I shouted at him about Duo leaving me for him. I shouted at him about him rejecting Duo's affections. I shouted at him for using Duo for sex. And I shouted at him for not helping Duo with the orphanage. And then my throat was raw and I quieted. I realize, guiltily, that we were pointing fingers at each other because neither one of us wanted to take responsibility.

_...We have to be with you..._

Heero swallows. "He never said anything about an orphanage," he whispers. "Not once."

I can't speak. Now, I really feel bad.

"He never said anything about wanting me after the wars," he continues. "I would've done anything for him. You have to believe me."

I close my eyes and feel my heart break all over again. I believe him. Goddammit.

_...To live... _

_...to breathe..._

_...you're taking over me..._

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't have many resources up here, Heero," I say softly. "But I'll keep a weather eye while we figure something out."

Heero nodded. "I'm on my way to the Sanq Kingdom. Une's there...and now she has something to do with this. I just know it."

It's my turn to blink. "You think Une has something to do with this?" I ask in a startled voice. "You think it's a Preventer mission?"

Heero doesn't answer at first. Then: "It had better not be."

I feel a chill escape down my spine as I hear the dangerous tone. Leave it to Duo to fall for a guy this fucking dangerous.

_...You're taking over me..._

**To be continued...**


	7. Always

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Always  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Saliva, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Always. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: none specifically. 3+4, I guess  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Heero's POV, and the song is Always, by Saliva

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Seven

**Always**

_...I hear... _

_...a voice say, "Don't be so blind."..._

My head is spinning and I see Hilde's face on the vidphone swim in my gaze. My hands are trembling and I shake my head against the dizziness. I can't remember the last time I've slept but I do know it's been at least two days since I've eaten.

I had no idea things were so bad. Duo had spent so long staying clean, I refused to believe Barton when he said he thought he was using again. I was so angry at Barton for seeing Duo without letting me know he'd found him first.

I had never heard about this orphanage thing. It stung that Duo wouldn't share this dream with me. Why didn't he tell me?

And I had no idea that he was in love with me.

_...It's telling me all these things... _

_...that you would probably hide..._

Call me crazy, but you'd think after all these years that's a little secret he'd let me in on.

He's got a funny way of showing it, I think angrily. Why would he act like it ended at sex if it didn't? Why wouldn't he tell me everything? Why would he leave me? Is this what love is supposed to look like?

_...Am I... _

_...your one and only desire..._

If it is... I shake my head sadly, not knowing what to even think.

He's always been there for me. Since the very beginning. The pang of guilt in my chest feels like fire and I swallow it right along with my pride. He sure was. Even when I treated him like shit. Even after I stole his gundam parts and stole his name. Even after I cracked his ribs during the Mariemaia incident. After all these years...and I did what, exactly, for him?

Why didn't he leave me sooner?

_...Am I the reason you breathe..._

_...Or am I the reason you cry..._

I've always wanted him, that's no secret. I've wanted to be around him, laugh with him, fight with him, smell him, taste him...do I love him? Is that why I miss him so goddamn much?

I cannot believe I've been so careless. I put my head in my hands and groan. Fuck me...

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

Always. That's what he'd say to me if I asked if I could count on him for anything. I don't know why I'd ask him things like that but he'd smile and say, "Always, Heero. Of course."

I clench and unclench my fingers. There'd be time to figure out my feelings for him later. I have to figure out how to reach him.

"Hilde," I say, looking up at the vidphone. "Duo works at the Preventer Base on L2, right?"

She gave me the most bewildered look I've ever seen.

"What?"

"He's at the Unit on L2, right?" I repeat forcefully.

"Of course, not," Hilde stammers out. "He wouldn't be using if he was."

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

I felt the blood drain from my face. I had assumed...Une said she transferred him to another base. When Trowa found him on L2, I had assumed, like we all had, that he was working at the L2 Unit.

She lied to me.

That sodding, goddamn bitch lied to me. My fingers curl into fists. I feel my blood begin to boil and the anger rise up in my chest. The jet disappearing from my base, the transferred soldiers, the lie, Duo using again...

Une's behind this, I fucking know it.

What the hell did she think would be more important that Duo's life?!

_...I just can't live without you..._

I have to get to the bottom of this.

"Keep your eyes open, Hilde," I command. "I'll be in touch."

She nods before she turns off the vidphone.

I stand and look around our empty apartment. At least, that's what it felt like without Duo here. Dear God, has it already been six weeks?

It's been way too long. Way too long. I grab a duffle bag and shove in it the few things I'll need on my trip to the Sanq Kingdom; a toothbrush, shampoo, socks, a pair of jeans, a shirt, boxers, 2 pistols and a hunting knife...

Everything in this place reminds me of Duo. Everything.

Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't I ask?

_...I love you, I hate you... _

_...I can't get around you..._

I have to get out of here. I'll go to Winner's first. He lives in France. I'll tell him and Trowa and they'll come with me. I don't know what Duo's involved in...But it may take a lot to get him out.

No time. No time.

I can't get Duo's smiling face out of my head.

_...I breathe you, I taste you..._

_...I can't live without you..._

I'm dizzy again and I shake myself from it. I shoulder my bag and walk down the hallway. I've been here too long. Hilde's right, I've been sitting on my ass while Duo's in space killing himself.

What the hell kind of friend am I? I was so angry with him. He'd stung my pride and confused the hell out of me when he left. Why didn't he tell me?

No time.

_...I just can't take anymore..._

_...Of this life of solitude..._

Is it over? Really over? Would he be doing this without me if he still loved me? Would he have kept the orphanage a secret if he loved me? Did I miss my chance?

I'm done with this. I'm done.

My hands are on the door knob. I turn it and pull it open and the dazzling sunlight blinds me. It's long since stopped raining but I've had no desire to see the sky.

No time.

I'll kill Une for being a sadistic cunt and then I'll go get Duo. I'm coming, Duo. I'm sorry, Duo.

_...I'm guessin' I'm out the door..._

_...And now I'm done with you..._

No time.

_...Done with you..._

It's fourteen hours later and my lightheadedness has worsened. I can barely see straight.

I'm in France, in the receiving room of the Winner Estate, waiting for Winner and Barton to come down to me.

The door opens and they're there. Winner is concerned. Trowa is staring.

"Allah! What the hell happened to you, Heero?"

I'm swaying on my feet but I can still answer him. So I do. "Nothing. Duo is dying. I have to kill Une first. Come with me, I'll show you proof. Then I'll kill Une. Then we'll go save Duo."

"Duo doesn't want anyone saving him, Heero." That was Barton. Fuck you, Barton. You asshole, you left him up there. "He's making his own choices right now. There's nothing we can do. What's this have to do with Une?"

"SHE FUCKING ORDERED HIM UP THERE!!!" I explode. "SHE LIED!!"

Winner stumbles back, his hand clutching at the fabric of his shirt above his heart. Barton put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"He believes he's telling the truth," I hear Winner whisper to Barton.

"Of course he does," Barton answers. "But that doesn't mean he's right."

_...I feel like... _

_...you don't want me around..._

"Why are you talking like I'm not here," I demand. "I'm right here!"

"When was the last time you ate, Heero?" Winner asks. Damn him. Damn him straight to hell. Duo is dying he wants to offer me _tea_ and _cookies_.

"Come with me," I repeat. "I'll show you proof. I can get it, I swear."

"Alright, Heero," Winner says, nodding to me. "Let's wait for Wufei. He called a few minutes ago. He says he's been looking for you. We'll regroup, and then we'll go. Meanwhile, I want you to eat something...and maybe sleep a little."

"_Sleep_?!!!" No, no, no...They're not listening. No time. No fucking time. I'm so dizzy.

I pick up my duffle bag and storm from the room. I'm out the door and down the steps and in the back of the cab that drove me here before they could stop me.

They can't stop me. No one ever could.

_...I guess I'll pack all my things..._

_...I guess I'll see you around..._

I can't see straight. The trees are racing by my window. Colors are blurring. I can hear him laughing. I smile. I'm coming, I promise.

I blackout.

_...It's all been... _

_...bottled up until now..._

I wake the instant the cab stops in front of the iron gate of the Sanq Kingdom.

How long was I out? Two hours? Three?

However long it was, I'm thinking a little clearer. I jump out of the cab and stand in front of the gate. I'm trying to remember why I'm here as the cab pulls away.

Oh, yes. To kill Une.

To be honest, I've wanted to for a very long time. I don't know a soul who hasn't. She got away with a lot of shit because of her alleged split personality. Not this time.

Not this time.

_...As I walk out your door..._

_...All I can hear is the sound..._

I punch in the security code and the gate swings open. I'm walking and the dizziness hits me again.

Goddamit, I thought it was gone. Maybe I should've eaten something at Winner's.

Too late now.

_...of 'always'..._

I'll make it; I coach myself as I storm across the green, perfectly clipped lawn.

My long strides take me through the miles-long garden and around the huge lake.

I turn east and head to the Preventer Headquarters Wing.

She'll be there. I know it.

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

I can see his face floating in my mind. His amethyst eyes are laughing at me.

And I wonder why I'm acting like he's already dead.

_...Always..._

_...Always..._

He's not. I can't even think that.

No time. I have to get in space. It'll take days to reach him. _Days_.

No time. No time. No time.

Why the hell did I wait so long?

Why am I acting like a madman?

What the HELL has gotten into me?!

I stop, mid-stride, and see that I'm at the large, red double doors of the Preventer Wing.

_...I just can't live without you..._

I take a deep breath. I can't do this like this. I have to do this levelheaded. If I ever went into a battle like this, J would never have given me a gundam.

I have to think.

I take another deep breath, filling my lungs with cold, crisp, and blessedly fresh air, and I let it out slowly.

Do I love him?

Do I?

_...I love you, I hate you... _

_...I can't get around you..._

_...I breathe you, I taste you..._

_...I can't live without you..._

I push open the doors and walk slowly to the front desk.

I look at the secretary and she blushes prettily.

"Hello, Mister Yuy," she says. "It's been a long time."

"Une," I say.

"Oh," she stammers, and types quickly into the computer in front of her. "She is in Conference Room 3F. It says she's actually expecting you."

I blink at her. "Expecting me?"

_...I just can't take anymore..._

_...Of this life of solitude..._

"Yes," she confirms nervously. "She sent out a request for your presence and for the attendance of zero-three, zero-four, and zero-five last night."

"Did she?" I muse aloud.

The frightened woman who blushed so kindly at me minutes ago nods vigorously.

I grunt, and I leave her staring in my wake.

I swear, Une, you had better have some fucking answers for me.

_...I love you, I hate you..._

_...I can't live without you..._

I wait patiently at the elevator and, when it arrives, I walk through the opening doors and press the level three button.

The elevator takes me to level three and before I know it I'm in front of Conference Room 3F. I pull out a gun and push in the clip. I stare it for a moment, wondering at the heaviness and familiarity of it.

I open the door and walk inside.

Une, sitting in one of the plush leather seats, uncrosses her long legs and stands up.

"Agent Yuy," she says, and I want to spit at her. "Be welcome."

She asks me to take a sit and I refuse. She nods and says to have it my way. She takes a seat once more and gazes at me.

"Well?" I demands angrily.

She raises a brow inquisitively.

"Get on with it, then," I say. "What the hell are you waiting for?"

No time.

_...I wrapped my hand around your heart..._

"The others," she says smoothly. "I didn't call this meeting just for you." Fuck you, Une.

I scowl at her. "I noticed the message didn't require zero-two's presence." I'm bluffing. I never actually read the message.

She nods solemnly, her hard brown eyes dark and somber.

_...Why would you tear my world apart?_

"Goddamn you, Une," I say, surprised at the softness of my voice. "Why did you lie to me?"

"It wasn't to protect you," she says softly. "You have to believe me. It was to protect _him_."

I rub my hands over my face. "What the hell did you think I was going to do?"

_...Always..._

She smiles gently at me, eyeing the pistol at my side. "Oh, I don't know...Blow my head off, maybe? Screw up the entire operation by heading to space on some crazy, love-blinded rescue mission? Am I getting close?"

I glare at her, my predictability shaming me into silence.

"I never liked the idea of you two working together, but I couldn't bring myself to tear you two apart." She sighs and looks at her hands. "I want you to know, he came to me, Heero. I don't know what happened between you two, but he wanted out. He wanted what I gave him. He actually asked for it."

I'm staring at her but I'm not seeing her. I'm seeing how badly I fucked up what could've been. Maybe if we had talked more...maybe if we had been more honest with each other...maybe...

"He needed money for some orphanage he was trying to put together on L2," she continues. "I offered him a--"

"A death-mission," I finish for her. "You offered him a _death-mission_ for the money he needed for an ORPHANGE?!!"

She pauses, a muscle twitching in her jaw. She looks at her hands again.

_...I see... _

_...the blood all over your hands..._

"Its survival probability wasn't high...but there _was_ a percentage. There was a chance he'd make out alive."

I feel my blood run cold. Oh no... "Don't tell me he's--"

"No, no, he's alive," she pauses again. "But just barely."

I'm clenching and unclenching my fingers. I can't speak, I'm so angry with her.

"This is an extremely sensitive mission, Heero," she says, leaning forward in her chair suddenly. "The assassination took weeks, and the information he needed to gather, even longer, and if we blow his cover now, it will all be for nothing and children will still be prostituted on that goddamn colony and people will still kill each other and shoot heroine and starve to death and none of them will ever have a chance at life!"

I nod. "At the expense of Duo Maxwell."

_...Does it make you feel... _

_...more like a man?_

"He accepted the job, Heero!" she retorts, her voice rising to a shout. "What the hell did you think he fought for during the colony wars? You really think he gave a damn about the Earth Sphere? You really think he gave a shit? NO! He wanted to see things different on his home colony, Heero. He wanted things different so that the next generation of children didn't have to grow up the way he had! He flew Deathscythe with a vendetta none of you understand, and you claim to be his friends! And when all was said and done, and peace rang free over the Earth Sphere Unified Nation, Duo goes home and L2 is still L2: filthy, poor, and crime-ridden."

I'm trying to hear her. I'm trying to listen. But I can't stop thinking that she sent Duo on a death-mission for money. That's illegal for a reason.

_...Was it all... _

_...just a part of your plan?_

"At least he still has a dream worth fighting for, Heero," she says. "And he's fighting for it. Right now, he's fighting for it. And all you want to do is run up there and blow his cover. I see it all over your face, Heero."

I'm looking at the floor and it swaying back and forth. My dizzy-spells are back full-force and I'm trying to steady myself.

"You'll get him killed if you blow his cover, Heero," I hear her saying. "You have to plan the retrieval with us."

I feel the gun slipping from hand and I tighten my fingers. I'm trembling as I unlock the safety mechanism and raise my arm.

_...The pistol's shaking in my hand..._

_...And all I hear is the sound..._

"At this point, I could care less if you kill me or not, Heero," she is saying. "I'm just asking you to think. Think about what you're doing."

She's right. I'll kill him if I blow his cover. He must be that deep. Why didn't I figure it out? Something's got me blinded. I'm not thinking straight.

I can't even see straight. Duo...

_...of I love you, I hate you..._

_...I can't get around you..._

_...I breathe you, I taste you..._

_...I can't live without you..._

I'm swaying and someone's talking behind me.

"Put the gun down, Heero," he is saying. Who is that? I turn to see but I lose my balance. I'm falling. I'm falling again. Always falling. Always.

The gun fires when I land but the bullet hits nothing. A foot kicks the gun away and I try to stand. Everything's dancing. Even the floor. Duo always loved to dance.

Always.

_...I just can't take anymore..._

_...Of this life of solitude..._

I'm crawling, trying to get to my feet...but I don't know where they are. Duo would be laughing at me right now...if he were here. He always finds what I do funny. He's always laughing at me. Even when I don't think it's funny.

_...I pick myself off the floor..._

_...And now I'm done with you..._

Someone hits me on the back of my head and a burst of pain erupts behind my eyes. I can't see but I know I'm falling again.

Always falling.

_...always..._

_...always..._

**To be continued...**


	8. Famous Monster

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Famous Monster  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Saliva, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Famous Monster. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: none specifically. 3+4, mentioned  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Une's POV, and the song is Famous Monster, by Saliva

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

P.P.S. Also, sorry for not updating sooner. I became unforgivably lazy.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Eight

**Famous Monster**

_...Dear Heavenly Father..._

_...Please forgive us..._

_...For we know not what we do..._

I lean forward in my chair, elbows on the polished, mahogany surface of the table in the boardroom, here in Conference Room 3F, and rub circles into my temples with my manicured fingertips. Retired Agents Barton and Winner and Agents Chang, Po, Noin, and Wind had arrived minutes ago and were now trying to make Agent Yuy as comfortable as possible while handcuffing his unconscious form to a chair.

Chang had arrived just before Yuy was going to send a bullet my way for sending his lover on the death-mission, Operation Orphan, and had delivered a nicely executed non-lethal blow to the side of Yuy's head, rendering him unconscious. He was followed shortly after by the rest of the lot.

I sigh inwardly. I'm not sure all of that would've made much of a difference either way. Agent Yuy had obviously been blacking out from delirium.

I reach over to the intercom and press the button that would buzz my personal secretary Lina Tills.

"Lina," I murmur, "I need a discreet medical unit up here in the next five minutes. Tell them I want water, nutritional bars, and vitamins."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Five minutes," I repeat.

"Ma'am."

I lean back and press the bridge of my nose with two fingers and close my eyes.

I hear rustling and a few casual murmurs and then the squeaking of chairs being sat in; and then nothing.

Then I hear the unmistakable cultivated drawl of the one and only Lightning Count. "I'm just dying to know what you two were talking about."

_...Look at your life..._

_...Look at the way you slip and slide..._

I open my eyes and look at him around the fingers still pressing the bridge of my nose.

He is gazing expectantly at me with those piercing, pale blue eyes of his.

Lover to my lover, once enemy to my once enemy, enemies once and allies again, Milliardo Peacecraft, you're a handsome devil. Treize admitted it freely, I had conceded grudgingly. It was so very difficult to compete with that particular beauty for Treize's affections. And after all of that, he chose Chang.

My eyes swivel to the Chinese man. He's a proud one, Chang. High golden features, smooth black hair, stern full lips, that perfect condescending smile...I can't really blame Treize for his wandering eyes. That boy had the spirit to match his beauty. Treize couldn't resist him; and neither, apparently, could Zechs--or Milliardo--or Wind--or whatever the hell he's calling himself these days.

Noin didn't seem to mind overmuch, I observe. The lovely Lucrezia was leaning ever so slightly towards Agent Po. I have to fight to hide my grin. It baffles me how they can all sleep together like nervous bunnies and not expect a dramatic tragedy like this to eventually unfold. It would be terribly naive of them to think their untainted happiness would last forever.

They are war veterans. Such is the way of things. Agent Maxwell never felt it necessary to delude himself. He is very familiar with the ugly side of peace, after all.

I drop my fingers and stare plainly at Winner and Barton. They both had had a life to return to after the wars.

Winner returned to his company as head CEO and uncontested heir to the Winner Foundation, a multi-billion dollar legacy his father had left behind. I raise a brow, thinking of the pacifist, former gundam pilot aristocrat. He's a lovely little paradox, that one. Multi-talented, though physically weaker than the other four former gundam pilots, he held his own with grace, an easy smile, clever wits, and major connections. He's a pretty one too, but I wouldn't go as far as calling him delicate. He can be hard as nails when he wants to be. I hear he had it out once with Dorothy Catalonia. She had succumbed to tears before the end of it. Imagine that.

And Barton. I think of Mariemeia when I look at him. She's a teenager now, lively and obstinate. Barton isn't really a Barton, so he isn't really related to my adopted-daughter. He stole that name from her uncle after he was killed. Interesting thought really...and now we are all on the same side. One big happy family.

He's what I like to call a dangerous beauty. Stoic as a mountain, eyes alive and watching like a wild animal's, slender movements of grace and fluidity, quick and lethal, seen and not seen, somebody and nobody, everywhere and nowhere, and perfectly trapped behind the image he's fought so hard to project. I know what that feels like. I really do.

All in all, they're a comely couple. I think their magnetism comes, not from their looks, but from the power they wield together. When I think of that power, I think of what Trieze and I used to be and I shudder.

_...Look at your time..._

_...Look at the ones you've left behind..._

Then, remembering Zechs' previous question, I turn my gaze to the still, sleeping, limp form of the magnificent Heero Yuy.

Oh, that boy used to infuriate me during the colony wars. Always thwarting me, no matter what, even when I thought I had him, he was playing me. Ruthless, that one. And quite impossibly innocent.

You'd think he's a madman if you didn't know him. But, no, he's just a bit gruff, and betimes a bit rash.

After all, it's not the first time he's tried to kill me.

I allow my gaze to sweep over his sleeping features. So relaxed, he almost doesn't look real. His face is usually tight with restrained emotions that leak through the endless portals of his gorgeous cobalt blue eyes. Ah, me, a color so true it makes you want to weep at the purity of it. When he's all dressed in dressed for one of Relena's formal ESUN balls, I swear, he looks like a knight right out of a fairy story. Quiet, fierce, and always maintaining the appearance that he's just tumbled out of bed.

This time I can't hide my smile and Zechs coughs impatiently.

Just then, the medical unit knocks on the door and I call them in.

_...Look at your eyes..._

_...The hollow black circles of your plight..._

A medical officer puts a bit of chemical on a sterilized pad and places it under Yuy's nose. He wakes instantly and favors the medical officer with a glare of pure bewilderment. Another officer feeds him three vitamins and aids him to wash it down with a bottle of water. Before leaving, they place nutritional snack bars on the table alongside two more bottles of water.

Heero stares at the food impatiently. I watch him with amusement. I know he can break the steel of the handcuffs binding his arms behind him but I think he is assessing whether it would do more harm than good to do so.

I think he realizes how odd his behavior from earlier may have seemed.

He raises his eyes to mine and I laugh outright at the aggravation writ in those fiery cobalt blue eyes. He's come to his senses. He needs sleep still, but he'll be fine for an hour or so.

I motion to Zechs to unlock the handcuffs. "He won't really be needing those. Besides, I think he may be hungry."

_...But you can get by..._

_...Oh, and killing you might take one more life..._

And now it's time. The moment I've been avoiding for weeks now has become, inevitably, unavoidable. I have to tell them about Agent Maxwell.

I open my mouth to speak but Chang interrupts me.

"Une, please tell you didn't send Maxwell on Operation Orphan."

I glance at him and he begins cursing in Chinese. "Are you mad?" he manages finally.

"You should know, before you go making assessments about my judge of character," I say, "that he was very much successful."

Chang was stunned into silence for a moment and then his features brightened with pride. "No shit..."

"However," I continue. "He's in grave danger...and he's very sick."

"Une." That was Barton. "You have exactly one-hundred and twenty seconds to explain."

"He's deep in the underground. How, exactly, he got there, I'm not sure. But he's in...And he's in so deep that after he assassinated David Gilson" --whistles from around the table-- "he says he's being promoted."

"Promoted?" Chang asks.

I shrug. "Those are his words, but he's scared to death of the ceremony. As it turns out, the gentleman who heads the major prostitution rings in the colonies is the deceased Gilson's uncle."

"An outsider just ousted a made man--and a family man, no less," Sally says grimly. "That's not good."

"You said he's sick?" Quatre inquires.

"No," I say. "I said he's very sick."

"How do you know he's scared?" Heero whispers without looking up. "How do you _know_?"

I hesitate, then grab my laptop, open the file Duo sent me yesterday, and pull open the recorded correspondence I had with him over the vidphone. I rewound it and pushed play before pushing it towards them.

It's really not safe to keep that sort of thing on file, but I couldn't delete it before showing his friends. Nobody's that heartless.

Not even me.

_...Because you're a famous monster..._

_...You do whatever they offer..._

Agent Maxwell, worn, tattered, and drawn, flicks his eyes around nervously before leaning towards the vidphone screen. "_Une_?" his voice whispers. "_Can you hear me_?"

"_I can_," my recorded voice answers. "_Why are you contacting me like this...you know this is a breach of-_-"

"_Shut up and listen for a sec_," Maxwell's recorded voice cuts off mine. I don't need to see the screen, I know what's there. I'm quite positive that that correspondence will be permanently etched into my memory until my last breath.

"_I need you to get me outta here_," his voice continues.

I did not respond at first. Then: "_You know I can't do that, Duo. Not yet_."

I rarely call the Agents by their first names...however; I've found myself growing very fond of that particular braided pilot. He's a true soldier. He's still fighting for the dream...a dream that seems to have gotten lost in translation. The dream for true peace. For a place where everyone has a second chance...not just the rich and politically empowered. Everyone.

I hear an abrupt noise coming from the laptop and remember this is when Maxwell slams his fist down. "_You're not understanding me, Une. They saw me with Trowa. They know! I know they do..._"

"_Is that paranoia, or a fact_?"

"_I...I don't know. I know they saw me with Trowa. They asked me about him. I told 'em I owed him money...they've got like a hundred eyes on me, Une. They've...they've instructed me to go to this club...In celebration of my victory. They said it's a promotion. It's bullshit...I ousted a made man...it's no promotion, it's an execution_."

"_Gilson_?"

Duo nods before speaking again. "_His uncle's going to be there...everyone's going to be there. Everyone on that goddamn list._"

I pause before speaking. "_Are you sure_?"

Duo nods again, looking around nervously. "_I think it's a trap. It's too goddamn convenient. And I think Gilson's uncle is out for blood, Une_."

"_You'll have to tough it out, Duo. I'll plan your retrieval as fast as I can_."

"_Une_," his voice cracks and his eyes well up with tears. "_I'm getting worse_."

I remember narrowing my eyes at him. "_Worse_?"

He pulls up his sleeve and the twenty or so abscesses on his arm are blood-red and the vein is bulging. Dark lines branch out from the abscesses and snake up and down his arm, reaching as high as his shoulder and chest and as far down to his wrist. Blood poisoning. Goddammit.

Hisses sound from around the table, but they remain quiet, watching.

The tears are falling freely now. "_One more hit, maybe two, and then I'm done. I'll OD, I know it_."

His head droops and his tears splash on the vidphone. "_This mission is killing me, Une. I knew it might...but not like this. Not like this._"

I don't say anything. I remember feeling my heart break for him. I remember hating myself for sending him up there.

"_The worst part, Une_," he whispers. "_Is that I still want it. I can't eat, I can't sleep...I can barely think about anything that doesn't revolve around getting more_."

He looks up into the vidphone, his eyes haunted with his addiction. "_I'll ask for it, Une. And I don't want to think of what I'll do to get it...you have to get me out of here...I'll only do more harm than good at this point.._."

"_I'll see what I can do, Duo_," I murmur. "_I promise_."

I remember his shoulders slumping. "_Une_?" His voice is hoarse and thick with emotion.

"_Yes_?"

"_Do me a favor, will ya_?"

"_Of course_."

"_Tell...tell Heero I love him...and...and I'm so fucking sorry_." He's sobbing now and my heart aches all over again. "_And...and...tell Q and Tro and...and Wufei...to be happy...no matter what it takes...they deserve that much_..."

"_I will_."

"_Thanks_..." He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, trying to get himself back into some semblance of order. "_And...well, I know you don't know her very well but...tell Hilde...I did my best...and...and to...name a kid after me, you know?...that'd be pretty cool._..."

I touch my cheek and realize I am crying.

I remember nodding to him, unable to speak, and watching him muster up one of his infamous sunny smiles. It was no where near as radiant as it usually was, but it looked like the dawning of a new day to me.

"_Alright_," he says, sniffling a little. "_Enough with all the emotional shit. I'll see you around, Une. Kay_?"

I nodded again and he turned off the vidphone.

_...You tie a noose..._

_...around your neck..._

_...and they throw you over..._

I pull back the laptop and open the file that had the contact information spreadsheet that I had asked him to gather. This is what I thought was going to get him killed. Not the assassination and certainly not the narcotics. I was so very wrong, it seems.

"This is every affiliate and the locations thereof of crime reeking throughout L2. Not only does it allow us to be able to take out the crime lords of L2 in one blow but also the surrounding colonies of L1 and L3. It only took him six weeks to gather this information. What was the original estimated time for this, Chang?" I look pointedly at the Chinese man while pushing the laptop forward.

I'd never seen Chang look so pale. He stares at me for a few more seconds before shaking himself and registering my question.

"Four to six months," he murmurs.

Winner pulls the laptop towards him and studies the information. "This is the entire web? All of it?"

I nod and watch him run his hands through his hair.

"Trap or not," Barton says, "I think we should stage the stake-out at the time and date of that party."

"It's nearly impossible to plan that kind of--"

"No it's not," Quatre interrupts me matter-of-factly and he promptly stares me down. See? Hard as nails.

"Fine," I say. "I want it on my desk by seventeen hundred hours."

"Kid?" That was Chang. "What kid?"

I give him a puzzled look.

"He said he wanted Hilde to name a kid after him," Chang specifies. "Is Hilde pregnant?"

"No." Yuy had been oddly quiet until now. "Orphanage."

"Orphanage?"

"Needed money for the orphanage."

It was dead silent.

And the shit, officially, hits the fan.

_...You're a famous monster..._

Noin comes to her feet abruptly. "You offered Maxwell _money_ to take a death-mission?!!" she shouts at me.

I nod. Here we go...

"Did it ever occur to you that the Preventer Unit would have been more than happy to sponsor that orphanage?!!" Noin rages.

I blink. Actually, it hadn't. But I don't say so. I don't say anything.

"Duo wanted to fight for it," Barton murmurs to himself. "He doesn't like asking for money." He is a clever one.

Winner shakes his head. I knew he'd take it the hardest. Winner had plenty of money and Maxwell never mentioned the idea to him. Winner would probably blame himself for Maxwell not asking for his assistance. It's his way.

"Unbelievable," Winner whispers.

_...Look at your mind..._

_...Look at the strength you never found..._

"Chang," Yuy growls. "How is it that you know so much about this operation?"

"I wrote it," Chang answers.

Round and round and round again, I muse to myself.

"Then why aren't you up there?"

"Because the death estimate was too high," I answer for him. "Chang is a valuable agent."

"AND DUO MAXWELL ISN'T?!!" I had expected that from Yuy, not from Chang.

I gaze at the Chinese man, who had risen to his feet, shaking with anger.

"Well, obviously it was the right choice," I say. "Maxwell is successful and he is, at the moment, alive."

"That operation was scrapped the moment it was written, Une," Sally interjects, forcefully pulling Chang back into his seat. "Why did you re-open it?"

"How can I pass up the opportunity to take out crime in the colonies in one blow?" I'm sitting up straight, defiant in my righteousness. "It was for the best. I did nothing wrong."

_...You lean on your pride..._

_...The only thing that would never let you down..._

"You offered him money, Une," Zechs murmurs. "You went too far."

I stare at him. No, goddammit! Don't bring the 'law' into this. I've run my course, my legacy is set, let me die honorably. Let me die as a soldier. Not in a goddamn prison cell.

I can fool everyone but myself. I know I've been a bit mad since Trieze died. I've wanted nothing less than to join him as his consort on the other side. It's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted. Finally, I found a way to set it into motion. A death so glorious, I'll be read about for ages. Ages! Gunned down by the Magnificent Heero Yuy for sending his lover on a mission to the colonies. It's romantic, no? And, as irony would have it, it's the God of Death himself who made this possible for me. My hat's off to you, dear boy.

But now, as I watch Heero sitting calmly in his leather chair, staring at nothing, Agent Po keeping a reminding pressure on Chang's arm, Barton and Winner already working out the logistics of the stake-out/medevac, glancing up at the commotion from time to time, and that accursed couple, Zechs and Noin, shouting about law and injustice...I know I'm probably just going to jail. Goddammit.

_...Look at the signs..._

_...Look at the way they stop and stare..._

"I'm going to have you court-martialed," Zechs continues. "You are henceforth banned from the grounds of the Sanq Kingdom and stripped of your title."

Zechs rises to his feet and leans forward, placing his fingertips on the polished surface of the table. "And, so help me God, if Agent Maxwell dies, I will make it my personal responsibility to make sure you get Death Row for Murder One."

I swallow. Well, it's not exactly what I had in mind...but I suppose it will do.

Noin touches Zechs' elbow and whispers something into his ear. He nods and looks back at me, straightening. "And Mariemeia Kushrenada will take up residence here at the Sanq Kingdom until further notice. You will have no contact with her without my expressed permission."

I feel my eyes widen. "No!" I breathe. "You can't do that..." But I knew he could. And he would. I should have thought this one through. Some things really are worse than death. I drop my head in my hands, despair clumping in my throat.

_...They're watching you die..._

_...And when you're gone..._

_...It's like you weren't even there..._

Zechs turns to regard the others in the room. His eyes lingered on Chang for a moment before sweeping over the rest of them. "This is not entirely Une's fault. Duo made a choice. And so did all of you. I hope you all take this time to notice what should be different in future between the five of you so that this sort of thing never happens again." He pauses. "You have every resource at your disposal. Contact me when you're finished with the mission detail."

Zechs turns to me and motions for me to stand. I stand and walk towards him. He instructs me to write down all passwords and codes to my files. I comply and, when I am finished, he takes me by the arm and leads me out of the room.

_...Because you're a famous monster..._

_...You do whatever they offer..._

Outside the closed door, Zechs turns me roughly and pushes me against the wall. He clutches at his hair. "What the hell is _wrong _with you, Une?! You just lost everything."

I shrug. "It's what Trieze would have done."

Zechs nods sarcastically. "Yeah, and he's _dead_, Une."

"I know." I stare into his frosty blue eyes, urging him to understand.

Zechs shakes his silvery head. "Trieze...he had ideals. Most of which were...commendable, but the methods he used were not." He pauses. "Trieze died on purpose. He knew his point had gotten across and the need to be the victor was never really the point for him. He won out anyway, even in his death."

Zechs grabs my chin and stares down into my eyes. "But he did nothing for his own selfish reasons. He valued human life; even if it was just one life. He never asked anyone to die for _him_, he asked them to die for his _ideals_, his _vision_."

He released my chin and shook his head again. "When you sent Duo up there, you weren't doing it for the colonies, even though I believe _he_ was. You were doing it for you, for your own agenda...Trieze would never have done that. Think about _that_, the next time you send a human life into the abyss in Trieze Kushrenada's name."

He motions for a guard and instructs him to take me to holding cell thirty-nine and to await orders from there. The guard nods and grasps my arm, leading me away. I stare at Zechs over my shoulder as the guard leads me down the corridor, thinking about what he said.

_...You tie a noose..._

_...around your neck..._

_...and they throw you over..._

Perhaps he's right. It's hard to distinguish right and wrong anymore. It was so much easier during the war. It was all a means to an end. It's not that way during peace.

Even if it is an ugly peace.

_...You're a famous monster..._

I try not to think of how dirty and disgraceful the holding cell is going to be. I try not think of how embarrassed I will feel as news of my being court-martialed hits the newspapers.

So much for my glorious death.

_...Famous Monster..._

I try not to think that Mariemeia might grow up hating me. If I really offended Trieze's ideals that badly, Mariemeia will know...and she will disapprove.

And she is the only piece of Trieze I have left.

_...Famous Monster..._

I try not to think of how badly this all turned out, even if the mission was successful. Maxwell is a bright soul. He deserves to live. I shouldn't have sent him.

He's dying now, because of me.

_...Famous Monster..._

And I try not to think of how I don't really feel that bad at all.

And I wonder if I really am Colonel Une and have been all along.

Does loose hair and a soft skirt change a person...or just make them look different?

_...Famous Monster..._

**To be continued...**


	9. Six Cycle Carousel

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Six Cycle Carousel  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Lifehouse, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Six Cycle Carousel. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: none specifically. 3+4, mentioned  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Quatre's POV, and the song is Six Cycle Carousel, by Lifehouse

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

P.P.S. Also, sorry for not updating sooner. I became unforgivably lazy. Quick updates to follow as suitable apology for laziness.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Nine

**Six Cycle Carousel**

_...the shame on your face..._

_...might kinda look like mine..._

_...if it had a home would it be my eyes?..._

I cannot believe Duo would rather go on a suicide mission than ask his _friends_ for the money for the damn orphanage. I just can't wrap my head around it. Why would he do that? Didn't he know that we'd all be...

That we'd all be...

Trowa snaps his fingers in front of my distant eyes. I blink and I look up at him.

He's gazing at me with those stern green eyes of his.

_...would you believe me..._

_...if I said I'm tired of this?..._

The four of us, joined by Sally and Noin, are going over stats and files and paperwork, trying to figure out the fastest way to complete Operation Orphan so we can get Duo out of there. Zechs is outside the room, handling Une. And now Trowa is snapping his fingers at me like I'm some kind of distracted child.

I am distracted, I am no child. And Trowa hasn't been totally honest with me.

_...oh, here we go now..._

_...one more time..._

When he returned from L2, he wouldn't touch me and barely spoke to me. He didn't want me to know what happened between them. I know Trowa doesn't think I can handle the violent pleasures the two of them sometimes share, but there are a lot of things he never thought I could handle but I did, but I do.

I don't know if he thinks I would think any less of him or maybe he just wanted to hold on to that piece of Duo while Duo was doing whatever he was doing. I was somewhat hurt, but I don't like forcing people, so I left it alone. Now, I know I should've been more adamant with Trowa. I understand these things better than he does and for him to keep it all inside of his head, tumbling it around and analyzing it, was a dangerous and selfish thing to do.

_...'cause I tried..._

_...to cloud your steps..._

_...I tried..._

_...to chase you down..._

We might have had more insight to the danger Duo put himself in if Trowa shared whatever happened between them with me.

"Let's get this done," Trowa murmurs and I glare at him.

"What happened on L2, Trowa?" Heero and Wufei look up at my sudden outburst.

Trowa stares at me but I can't read what's behind his eyes. I reach out for him and he flinches away.

_...I tried..._

_...to see how low I could get... _

_...down to the ground..._

I slam my fist on the table. "Trowa! I need to know what happened. I can't read Duo through the fucking vidphone, but I could...I could read him through your memory of him. He's dying, Trowa. I swear to God, I'll force it from you if I have to."

Trowa's eyes widen and he sits there stock-still. I've only forced it once before and have never told anyone about it. That's how I found out about Sandrock from Professor. It left him in pain and sick for days. I could kill someone with it if I wanted to.

"It would hurt you," I say in a softer tone. "Badly. But I won't have to, if you let me."

Heero stands to his feet, anger rolling off of him in waves. Trowa had seen Duo and now it looked like Trowa was going to refuse to share any information that might help him. Obviously, Heero wouldn't like that.

Suddenly, I feel the resistance slip away from Trowa.

"Sit down, Heero," I say as Trowa reaches out for me. He laces his right hand with my left and, with his other hand, takes hold of the back of my neck, pulling my forehead over to touch his.

_...And I tried..._

_...to earn my way..._

_...I tried... _

_...to tame this mind..._

"Allah!" The images beat at me. In the back of my conscious mind, I register Trowa tightening his grip on me and everyone else in the room rising to their feet with worry and concern, adding to the emotions coursing through me. Blood, merciful Allah, why would there be so much blood? He's hanging there. Sobbing, a wretched sound. Buffeting, his confession roaring in my ears. So much pain. So much. Why did you never tell us? Hate, revenge, hate, hate, hate. I'm soiled. I'm dirty. Filthy. Tainted. Impure. Unworthy, unworthy, unworthy. You don't understand. None of you ever did. Blackness bright behind my eyes. The blindfold is off. No, don't tell me that. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this. No, it was my fault. It was. I asked for it. I was so hungry. So fucking hungry. I had to. Had to, had to, had to. Solo was sick. I had to. Had to. No, I won't say it. Why would you say I'm beautiful? Why would you say that? I'm not. Ugly inside. So ugly. Nobody sees it. Blinded by my smile. All of you, blinded. Fooled. I won't say it. His hands were grimy, I was so scared. I had to, had to, had to. It hurt. It hurt so bad. All of you would hate me if I told you. You'd hate me if you knew. You've all touched me. You've all shared it. I tainted you with it. Why would you say I'm loveable? No, no, no. I won't say it. I won't...

A child doesn't have the right to consent.

What the hell am I fighting for if I don't believe that? What the fuck is the point? Maybe...maybe... Is it true? Is it true? Maybe he's right. Maybe he's right. It wasn't my fault. It hurts to say it. Maybe he's right. It hurts to say it. A child doesn't have the right to consent. I didn't have the right to consent. It wasn't my fault. I'm so sorry. So, so, sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into this.

Don't love me, Trowa. Don't be kind. I can't bear it. Not kindness. Heero did that to me. I couldn't bear it. Don't love me...

I pull away with a violent push. I am up and out of my chair and staggering away. I look around me frantically, the nausea crawling up my throat. I grab the wastebasket and vomit until my insides are raw.

_...You better believe that..._

_...I have tried..._

_...to be this..._

Trowa's arm is around my shoulders, murmuring comforting words into my hair. Heero is shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The others are staring wide-eyed.

"Now you see why I didn't want to tell you--"

"You should've told me immediately!" I shout at him, punching him in the chest. "He's desperate!"

_...If I send it..._

_...It goes on and on..._

_...Over and over and over again..._

Trowa is silent, gazing at something fascinating on his shoe. I move passed him and sit back down at the table. I look over at Wufei and Heero.

"Duo prostituted himself as a child," I say as evenly as I can. "For money, for food. He believes he cannot be close to anyone--he feels dirty because of it."

Heero sat down slowly, staring at me in shock, his fingers curling into fists. Wufei nods.

I, startled, turn to gape at the Chinese man. "You knew," I accuse.

Wufei nods again, looking around the room helplessly. "I read his file," he explains softly. "I had assumed you all did. It came up on the psych evaluation. Dr. Rosenleigh didn't feel Duo was in any way chemically imbalanced, so she passed him as mentally fit, despite his childhood trauma."

_...Keep spinning around..._

_...I know it won't stop..._

_...Till I step down..._

_...From this for good..._

I am quiet for a moment, thinking. "Heero...did he act strangely before leaving?"

"Not really," Heero says honestly. "He seemed withdrawn a few weeks prior, but...it seemed he was only acting distant towards me."

I nod, remembering what I had pulled out of him weeks ago. "I think Duo may have always had these internal conversations, but, before, he hadn't let them bother him."

I chew on my lip before continuing. "Duo felt he had to go somewhere very dark in order to successfully complete this mission. That is why all these feelings are coming up for him in such an extreme way...and Duo using again only intensifies his feelings of being dirty and unworthy."

_...I never thought I'd end up here..._

_...never..._

_...thought I'd be standing where I am..._

I turn to Wufei again. "Does Operation Orphan have a follow-up program for the in-field agent?"

"It should," Wufei says. "I wrote that it would be necessary for rehabilitation in the event of the agent's survival."

"Make sure something is set up for Duo," I say. "He'll not only need rehabilitation, but also all medical expenses paid for and, possibly, a psychologist."

"He's not crazy," Heero says stubbornly.

"I know," I say. "But Duo doesn't."

Heero swallows and looks away. My heart aches for him.

"I'll handle it," Wufei says.

_...I guess I kinda thought..._

_...it'd be easier than this... _

_...I guess I was wrong..._

I nod, still gazing at Heero, before turning back to Une's computer. Taking in a deep breath, I return to planning the stakeout. Logistically, this is massive. I think it may be the biggest infill the Preventer Unit has ever attempted. Every Preventer Unit is on high alert; however, the details of the operation will be sensitively privileged information until afterwards. One officer per Unit will be personally charged with detaining every mole within the Unit at the exact time the operation commences. In this way, the spies will have no knowledge of what we're planning on L2, L3, and L1. Separate Teams will be sent to each colony. Team A will be sent to L1, Team B, to L2, and Team C, to L3. The Operation will be timed so that Teams A, B, and C will begin the operation in parallel time frames. Smaller teams will remain here on Earth to carry out similar actions with the few scattered contacts that were on the planet, according to Duo's information.

This will all take place in three days. Field agents from Teams A, B, and C are to move in quietly, remove civilians, and detain anyone who does not resist...everyone else is collateral damage. I make no pretenses that there won't be casualties. I would prefer there won't be, but, with an operation of this scale, to say there won't be would be naive.

I finish typing and print out copies for everyone present after forwarding the plans to Zechs, who has yet to return. The room remains silent as they review what I have planned out.

_...now..._

_...one more time..._

"Holes," Heero mutters.

I nodded. Of course there were. That's why I have them review it.

Sally and Noin lean in as well as we chat and converse in low tones over the polishing of the huge mission we are planning on.

It's almost funny to me how naturally this all still comes to me. I haven't worked for the Preventers in years, yet, when Trowa and I catch wind of one of our friends in danger, here we are. The loyal little soldiers.

_...'cause I tried..._

_...to cloud your steps..._

_...I tried..._

_...to chase you down..._

After we finished we went over what Wufei had planned for Duo's rehabilitation. The tension was thick in the air and we did it quickly and quietly; not wanting to brood on the possibility that Duo wouldn't survive. I couldn't get the picture of Duo's arm out of my head. Even if Duo survived this ordeal, I knew for a fact his arm wouldn't. Right now, I firmly believed that the worst danger Duo is in is not from the enemies he's surrounded himself with, or the drugs he's been pumping into his body to prove that he's a loyal client to them...it's the blood poisoning that was sneaking up his arm and towards his chest. If the infection reaches his heart, he would die. The irony of that hit me as wretched and profusely unfair. Blood poisoning. Of all things.

Consenting to what Wufei had organized, we busy ourselves with making phone calls and setting up jets to take the Teams to space.

That's when Hilde called.

Heero picks up his phone, seeing who is calling, and immediately answers.

_...I tried..._

_...to see how low I could get..._

_...down to the ground..._

"Yuy speaking," Heero says. "Hold, please. I'll put you on the vidphone."

Heero plugs his phone into Une's laptop and, within moments, a bewildered Hilde appears on the screen.

"Hi, guys," she says, nervously flicking her eyes around the room at us. "Umm...I just received a large sum of money into my account from the Preventer Unit. What...what's going on?"

"It's for the orphanage," Heero says.

Hilde's eyes darken with anger. "So, it _was_ a mission."

Heero nods.

_...And I tried... _

_...to earn my way..._

_...I tried..._

_...to tame this mind..._

Noin shifts uncomfortably. "I think you should send it back, hon."

All eyes turn to Noin. She smiles grimly. "If Hilde and Duo accept this money transaction, they'll be held as accomplices. We'll send back the exact amount as something sponsored by the Unit...but it's not a good idea to have that money in your account right now."

Hilde nods. "That makes sense. I'll do it now."

_...You better believe that..._

_...I have tried..._

_...to be this..._

"Hilde," Heero interjects. "We're coming up there to get Duo."

Hilde is quiet for a moment. "Thank you."

"Would you like to help?" Heero asks.

"I would," Hilde responds. "I very much would. What do you need me to do?"

_...Six cycle carousel..._

_...This is a... _

_...six cycle carousel..._

I give her a few assignments before she clicks off the vidphone. A part of me wants to smile. If Duo only knew how much we really cared for him, as evident with the way we are coming together today, there'd be no way in hell he'd be up there throwing his life away. Another part of me knew I couldn't begrudge him of this mission. He really believes he's up there making a difference. He really believes in this mission.

_...Six cycle carousel..._

_...This is a... _

_...six cycle carousel..._

Zechs comes back into the room moments later, holding the operation's detail in his hand.

He wears a tired look and drops the file on the table. "What'll we call it?"

Silence greets his question from around the room. It seems like an odd thing to say.

_...If I send it..._

_...It goes on and on..._

_...Over and over and over again..._

Zechs scowls. "You have to realize that Agent Maxwell is doing something huge right now!"

Sally nods. "The crime rate's going to drop dramatically around the globe. We won't get 'em all, of course. But it will quiet them down for a few decades if we pull this bad boy off."

"Think about that for a second," Zechs insists quietly. "The effects of this are going to be _global_."

Zechs points to the operation's file. "Duo Maxwell has proved to be a dedicated soldier for peace. Honor him."

_...Keep spinning around..._

_...I know it won't stop..._

_...Till I step down..._

_...From this for good..._

We gaze at one another. During the wars, we cared for each other, but we understood that, in war, people die. We respected one another's wish for space in case that might have been necessary. What's happened since then? Why does it feel different now? Why do we all feel so fucking bad and angry because of this situation? Is it because we all stopped fighting for the vision of true peace? All of us except Duo?

I nod. "Keep the dream alive," I say. "This mission is called Operation Maxwell."

_...Six cycle carousel..._

_...This is a... _

_...six cycle carousel..._

Murmurs of agreement sound from around the room and we all rise to our feet. We've been in that room for close to eight hours. We have two days until we'll need to leave for space. Of course, the four of us are heading Team B, so we'll need to get our rest. I tell them as much and invite them to stay at the Winner Estate that is located two hours away. They all concede and follow me to my car.

Noin and Sally opt to stay at the Sanq Kingdom with Zechs. Noin felt it was necessary to inform Relena on what's going on. I wonder what good it will do. Relena really didn't know Duo all that well, but she _is_ the Prime Foreign Minister. But does she really have to know? Can't we just send her a report?

A part of me realizes, in this moment, how sacred the five of us held the space between us. How special it was to all of us. No wonder we reacted the way we did when we found out one of us was in danger. This too, is sacred.

I sigh inwardly and watch Wufei approach Zechs from where I leant against the black metal of the limo. They whisper to one another and I see Zechs glance at Noin once, who gazes at them calmly from next to Sally. Odd little quadrate, I think. Zechs reaches out and brushes his fingers under Wufei's chin, murmuring something. He bends down to kiss the Chinese man but abruptly thinks better of it and pats Wufei on the shoulder instead.

I watch Wufei's spine go rigid as we see Zechs slowly turn away and walk back to the red double doors of the Preventer Headquarters Wing, followed by Sally and Noin.

_...Six cycle carousel..._

_...This is a... _

_...six cycle carousel..._

Wufei turns and when our eyes meet I feel a surge of bittersweet humor wafting up from him. I smile gently and wave him into the car. He obliges and I step in after him.

The four of stare at one another, thinking and hesitant. I close my eyes and set up a mental blockade. Their emotions are their own. I can allow them this one privacy.

It was a long, quiet ride home.

_...Six cycle carousel..._

_...This is a... _

_...six cycle carousel..._

**After Note**: Years ago, when I wrote this, I remember really, really needing to use a neutral party to narrate other character's responses, and decided on Quatre because I felt his personality would be the easiest to perceive through in this scene. I don't regret that now, but I reread this and wonder if I should have elaborated more on what Quatre thought of everyone, of the past years and where he felt they should all go from here. I think Quatre Winner would have a solid grasp on that. Oh well, I live and learn. Thanks again, for letting me re-post this so many years later, and giving feedback!


	10. The Great Divide

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: The Great Divide  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Victory Twin, nor do I own the lyrics of the song The Great Divide. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: Um, 1x3x4x5. Yes, orgy time.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Trowa's POV, and the song is The Great Divide, by Victory Twin

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

P.P.S. After rereading this and getting it ready for re-post, I now feel utterly compelled to warn again for OOC and sickly, fluffy sap. That being said, enjoy.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Ten

**The Great Divide**

_...I regret to inform everyone at the moment..._

_...I'm unable to answer your call and my calling..._

_...I'm either retiring my life or breathing in..._

To say I feel like shit right now would be an understatement. Quatre hasn't spoken to me since he pulled on the memory of what happened between Duo and I on L2. What he saw...I'm not sure. I had the feeling that he was looking for something specific when he pressed into my mind. And then...it felt like I wasn't touching him at all. It felt like the presence in front of me was Duo all over again.

God, I miss him.

And the anger in Quatre's eyes when he pulled away made me feel like an asshole. I probably deserve that. I don't like this distance between us...but I didn't want him to think differently of me, knowing what the relationship between Duo and I sometimes looks like.

I love Quatre. I really do. It took me years to figure that out. But, of course, Quatre knew before I even did. I guess that's the plus side of being with an empath. Though, sometimes, I think that Quatre's powers go beyond that...and that there's a darker side to them. In fact, I know there is. He almost killed me with it once.

People whisper that it was the ZERO system controlling him...but I don't think so. I think it was that darker, more powerful side of his psyche controlling him _and_ Wing ZERO. He definitely has more control over it now...but the knowledge that he can choose to use it...and was going to use it on _me_, scares the shit out of me.

_...But if I had to choose between the two I refuse..._

_...It rolled and I can't comprehend..._

This is exactly why I don't like getting too close to anyone. I hate this feeling of being unsure. I used to always feel unsure and confused around Quatre, but he had been patient with me and soothed me until I had surrendered to him and my feelings for him. Now, I don't know what's going to happen. And I hate this feeling of my heart breaking every time I look at him. Knowing that he knows how sorry I am and how cold and merciless he is by refusing to even look back at me is killing me. Fuck, it's ripping me apart.

I wonder if this is what Duo felt like every time he wanted to open up to us and didn't know how. I wonder if this is how he felt before he left Heero. I wonder if this is how he felt when I had him hanging from the ceiling fan.

And I know it probably is.

_...Only met in the middle..._

_...Of a bullet and a riddle..._

_...Under pressure but..._

_...I never pretend..._

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly and uneventfully. We pulled up to Quatre's mansion and followed the attendants to our guest rooms. We rested and, in the morning, ate breakfast in silence. Later, around five in the afternoon, Heero and I were in the study. I was reading and Heero was staring out the window when Wufei and Quatre entered the room.

Quatre walked right up to me and laced his fingers with mine. I felt warmth spread through my body and I didn't want to trust the spark of hope that sprang in my mind. He tugged gently and I rose to my feet. I glanced over and saw that Wufei had pulled Heero up as well. Heero and I exchanged a confused glance before we allowed them to lead us from the room.

We walked down a few halls and up a flight of stairs, then down into the West Wing where we entered a large guest room with a massive bed. The heavy, gilded curtains were drawn and the room was dark save for the few candles that had been lit around the room.

We stood there and stared at one another after Wufei shut the door behind us. I wanted to cry. It felt safe here. And I felt my heart breaking all over again.

_...Tie me up..._

_...Hold me down..._

_...Just to keep me here..._

Quatre pressed gently on my hand and I looked up at him. All I saw was tenderness there. No anger, no hate, just a pure love that was gentle and kind and strangely fiery all at the same time.

"No matter what happens tomorrow," Quatre said softly, his aquamarine eyes shimmering with emotions I had no names for. "We will always have this."

Heero tensed and Wufei moved against him, wrapping his arms around the haunted Japanese pilot. "For Duo," Wufei murmured to him.

Heero relaxed into his embrace and Wufei slowly began to undress him. Quatre watched, marveling at the exquisite beauty of it. Bittersweet love embraced in candlelight.

For Duo Maxwell. In celebration of his life, not in mourning of this tragedy, I allowed Quatre to pull my sweater over my head while I unbuttoned his shirt. Time passed slowly and the art of undressing one another was over too quickly.

_...Every year..._

_...I get buried alive..._

We wept as we tumbled into bed. We wept as we shared kisses and long embraces. We wept as we touched. And we wept as we remembered that all this, Duo taught us. Every caress, every gentle smile, every gasp of pleasure, everything had Duo's name on it. None of it would be possible if it wasn't for the beautiful braided man we fought with, and argued with, and laughed with.

I thought of the Christmas the five of us shared in the safe house three blocks away from an Oz base when I entered Quatre. We had forgotten it was Christmas until Duo surprised us each with a gift. We were dirty and hungry and cold, but Duo still managed to remember that it was the season of giving. Heero had received a necklace with a silver angel pendant hanging from a silver chain. Wufei had received a book called Death Poems with Haiku literature throughout the pages. Quatre had received a leather-bound daily planner. I had received a small painting of players' masks. I still have it today.

I remember feeling sad that Duo would care so much for us and we hadn't done the same. I remember how happy he was just to see our faces when we opened our gifts. And I wept.

_...As for blood or emotion..._

_...I cried an ocean..._

I felt kisses of forgiveness on my neck and I turned slightly to see the tear-stained face of Heero Yuy. I kissed his mouth and our tongues tangled softly as he entered me. Wufei was moaning his pleasure beneath Quatre and I wept some more at the beauty of it.

Had we forgotten? Had we forgotten that if it wasn't for Duo opening the door of possibilities between us, we would never have this? There wouldn't be tenderness and compassion between us. Had we forgotten it wouldn't have been possible?

We remember now.

_...If anything we're gonna find..._

_...That we couldn't die..._

We'll always have this and I vowed to never forget again.

I thought of Duo on L2 as we climaxed, one by one, and I knew we all did. I thought of how far away he was and how happy he would be if he knew how we were honoring him tonight.

We'd get through this. Together, we'll get through this.

_...Across the great divide..._

We lay there afterwards, basking in the warmth of one another, quiet as our tears dried on our faces. I thought of the past six weeks and I could kick myself for waiting so long to take Duo's disappearance seriously.

A part of me thought I had, but I know I could've done more.

When I had been with Duo on L2, I had been so confused I had no idea what to do. I wonder, though, if I had acted any differently, if it would have been better, or, in fact, worse for Duo.

And I wondered if everything fell out exactly as it was supposed to.

_...It's killing me daily..._

_...Just for the record..._

_...It landed for the sheep..._

_...I don't want to be the Shepard..._

If we had acted sooner would Hilde and Heero ever have spoken? If I had let Quatre pull it out of me the moment I had gotten back, would Duo be alive right now?

If anything would have been different, would we be here, honoring Duo in this way? Would we have this special moment?

Well, would we?

_...Stress by the dozen..._

_...I'm the only to check it out..._

I turned to Quatre and I looked into his calming gaze. He was reading me, I could feel it. He reached out and touched my cheek. I don't know, his mind whispered into mine. Does it matter?

I don't know. Does it?

It might, his eyes responded sadly. Then again, it might not.

I sighed and chewed on my lower lip. I'm so scared that we're going to lose Duo.

I am too, his mind whispered back and suddenly it struck me as odd that we were communicating silently. But we need to believe that Duo's going to make it. We have to fight for what he's fighting for. I don't see any other way.

"I didn't know you could speak telepathically," I whispered aloud to him.

He smiled. "I don't think its telepathy," he said. "I could be wrong though. I see images, not words. Colors mostly. I don't know much about telepathy."

I shrugged. I don't think that mattered right now either.

_...I put the bottle down..._

_...I couldn't throttle out..._

"Events are neutral," Wufei whispered suddenly. "It's what we make up about them that we have to contend with."

I raised a brow and realized Quatre was touching his wrist.

Heero glanced at the three of us, a lazy annoyance sparking his cobalt blue eyes. "That spooky mind game thing...cut it out."

A laugh rumbled out of Quatre and he turned and buried his face into Heero shoulder. Suddenly, Heero was quivering with silent laughter and he poked at Quatre blonde head. "I said cut it out, Winner," he said with barely restrained mirth.

I smiled at the exchange and relaxed into the lighthearted atmosphere that had settled over the four of us.

_...Tie me up..._

_...Hold me down..._

_...Just to keep me here..._

I don't know how Wufei and Quatre thought this up, but what the four of us created over the past hour was like medicine.

That past few weeks had worked us to our wit's end. Or, maybe, we worked ourselves to our wit's end. Maybe what Wufei had said was true. Events are neutral...and nothing is terrible unless we make it so. And, God save us, we did. All five of us.

_...Every year..._

_...I get buried alive..._

There is nothing so terrible that a little grief won't make worse. And there is nothing so good that a little grief won't make better. That is what we created today and I tell them as much.

I watched them nod in agreement and we fell silent again.

_...As for blood or emotion..._

_...I cried an ocean..._

And there will always be five of us. Always, no matter what happens tomorrow. The colony wars couldn't tear us apart and neither will this, goddammit.

_...If anything we're gonna find..._

_...That we couldn't die..._

My resolve was strengthened when Quatre touched me again, smiled his dazzling smile, and nodded.

"We will always have this," he whispered and I smiled back.

_...Across the great divide..._

It amazes me when I look at teenagers these days and see how young they are. And I remember how young we all were when we started the journey as Gundam pilots. We were already aged with war and fighting and grooming for the missions to come, but we were all still terribly young...and innocent despite ourselves.

We were still teenagers when the world recognized us as heroes and offered us jobs at the Preventer Unit. At first, only Wufei signed on. Then Duo and Heero followed. I had had enough of war and fighting, I had been on the battlefield for longer than I could remember. All I wanted to do was go back to the circus, back to the family I had found for myself there. Quatre had his responsibilities at the Winner Foundation, even though he stayed involved with some of political movements enforced from the ESUN department at the Sanq Kingdom.

_...We were born..._

_...Made of stone..._

_...Separated from the goal..._

But...we all drifted apart somehow. I had thought we were close...but, based on results, not nearly as close as I had thought.

We all managed to go in separate directions. And what direction that was, we weren't even certain. We just drifted. No wonder this all turned into such a clusterfuck. We needed to figure out how to make it better in the future. We can't afford to lose one of us this way.

_...And to play in a show..._

_...On a stage of flesh and bone..._

I smile to myself, thinking at how long it took for people to stop staring and hailing us as heroes. It baffles me that Duo managed to pull of an infill in the first place. He is, by far, the prettiest one of us. They were always trying to get him on video. He had to fight for his privacy more than Quatre even did. Well, Quatre had his bodyguards. And, of course, he had me.

It was an incredibly high pedestal and made us all feel awkward and uncomfortable. We never fought for fame. We didn't even think we'd survive the damn wars to begin with. It was kind of a shock when we were thrown back out in the world and we didn't have to wear a pistol on our hip anymore. It was peace. Really peace. And we were alive to enjoy it.

And we distracted ourselves with it.

Wrong? Was it wrong? I don't think so. Duo made a choice. No one could've made that choice for him. We could've been better friends to him, though.

_...And we sway..._

_...To and fro..._

_...So I'll give it back the throne_...

"We really have to aware," Wufei murmured, his low voice cutting though the silence. "Of what needs to be different...at least, for a little while."

He was sitting, his knees drawn up, and arms around his legs, staring into nothing. He looked magical that way. Gloriously nude, finely muscled, loose strands of fine, glossy black hair whispering across his cheeks, hugging his knees like a regal nymph. I wondered if he knew how beautiful he was.

"Like what?" It was a whisper from Heero. Gruff and emotional, the sounds barely escaping his throat.

_...Tie me up..._

_...Hold me down..._

_...Just to keep me here..._

"Well," Wufei answered softly. "I don't think it's good for Duo for us to support the belief he's made up about only finding love in sex."

Quatre sat up and stared at the Chinese man. They gazed at one another for a moment before Quatre looked away.

"Oh," Quatre whispered. "I see."

"We helped him gather evidence for that belief," Wufei continued. "Every time we didn't show how much we cared outside the bedroom."

He paused. "Notice that."

_...Every year..._

_...I get buried alive..._

I curled and uncurled my fingers. He's right. It's just like that Christmas so many years ago. He bought us presents...and we gave him the only gift we knew to give; the one between the sheets.

I put my head in my hands and groaned. No fucking wonder. We didn't bother to see that the only affection we were giving him was with sex--and all of us are guilty of that--and now we're wondering why he didn't trust us with his real feelings and his secret dreams. He had no evidence that we'd actually give a shit.

_...As for blood or emotion..._

_...I cried an ocean..._

"So," Wufei said after a moment. "Instead of beating ourselves up for it, we just...need to figure out a better way of treating Duo."

Silence greeted his statement and Wufei opted to continue. "Oh, don't get me wrong, Maxwell is a remarkable lay...but I think it's time to start respecting him and truly loving him. He's never going to love himself if even his friends treat him the same way."

Heero pulled himself up against the pillows and gazed at Wufei, questions burning in his eyes.

Wufei sighed. "Don't you get it, Heero? He loves you. He always has. And we've always known it. And we fucked it up for you two when we shared your bed. Some things really are that simple."

_...If anything we're gonna find..._

_...That I'm not dying..._

Quatre clasped Heero's hand. "I think what he's trying to say is, for your relationship to work, it'll have to be just the two of you. At least for a little while. You two get to have a fighting chance."

Cobalt blue eyes shimmered with barely restrained emotion. "Do you think we really have a chance?"

"Yes."

A sob caught in his throat and Heero buried his head in his hand. We watched as he sobbed. Quatre purposely did not touch him. The fear Heero was feeling right now was his own.

_...Tie me up..._

_...hold me down..._

_...just to keep me here..._

"And that goes for you two, as well," Wufei said, pointedly looking at Quatre and I. "You two get a fighting chance too."

Quatre and I exchanged a long glance. I couldn't read what was behind his eyes but I knew I felt no uncertainty between us. He reached out and laced his fingers with mine and I pulled him against me. With a pleasant sigh, he rested his head against my chest and I smiled.

Maybe everything does turn out exactly the way it is supposed to.

_...Tie me up..._

_...hold me down..._

_...just to keep me here..._

"What about you?" I ask Wufei. The exchange between Zechs and him was lost on no one.

Wufei smiled helplessly. "I don't know. We'll see."

_...Tie me up..._

_...hold me down..._

_...just keep me here..._

Heero's sobs had quieted and Wufei was pulling his fingers absently through his hair. We were all quiet, thinking or just feeling, I'm not sure.

We were all thinking of tomorrow and what it might mean to us all. Things left unsaid will be left in this room. Moments desired will be left here as well...at least until further notice. We all get a chance for a good life. We've earned it.

And so has Duo.

And, this too is _sacred_.

_...'Cause if anything..._

_...We're gonna find..._

_...That we couldn't die..._

The candles burned lower and their breathing slowed to an even pace. I felt my eyes droop lower. It was a special thing we created tonight. Duo would be proud, I think.

And, we will always have this.

_...Across the great divide..._

**To be continued...**

**After Note: **When I first posted this on the ML, the best review I ever got for this chapter was "Honoring Duo with an orgy? *snorts* Alright, I'll take it." I do realize how absurdly OOC this chapter is, and on the repost, I really wanted to either re-write it, or just skip it--but no matter how much I cringe coming back to this fic, I promised myself I wouldn't mess with it and chalk it up to a learning experience. Despite the weird sappiness, I hope you enjoyed it--and I promise it gets tons better beginning next chapter!


	11. Long Hard Road Outta Hell

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Long Hard Road Outta Hell  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Marilyn Manson, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Long Hard Road Outta Hell. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: Um, 1x3x4x5. Yes, orgy time.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Duo's POV, and the song is Long Hard Road Outta Hell, by Marilyn Manson

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies. Also, PLEASE refresh yourself with the warnings of this story. It gets a little uncomfortable in this chapter. Consider yourself cautioned.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Eleven

**Long Hard Road Outta Hell**

_...I want to fly into your sun..._

_...I want things that make me numb..._

_...I want to live like a Jesus Christ..._

_...Like a saint, goddamn, with suicide..._

The strobe lights flashing in this dingy club are making my eyes water. Well, maybe not dingy. The club is actually pretty nice--at least for an establishment run by a bunch of dirt bag criminals.

I squint, peering through the dancing bodies that surround me. It's dark and the music is pounding so loud that the walls are quivering with each new beat. I don't want to be here.

I turn, suddenly losing the courage I spent hours to muster to come here. I push through moving, sweaty bodies and reach the bar. Bartender looks at me and I swear silently. I know him. Name's Max or Matt or Marty or something. One of the thugs that is a constant customer for Femder's child prostitution ring. Fucking prick.

I force a grin. "Martini," I order. "Up. Big."

"No problem," Fucking Prick answers. He leans over to the heroine fiend next to him and whispers something into her ear. She eyes me warily and disappears into the kitchen behind the bar. Seconds later, I have my martini and am draining it.

I really don't want to be here.

Someone bumps into me and my left arm screams with pain. I lost all feeling in the fingertips of my left arm a couple days ago. They turned a strange bluish color and the rest of my arm is ablaze with red and purple. I clutch at it, breathing hard, trying to fight the nausea that burst against my throat and the pain that shoots up my arm to swell in my chest. I blink, seeing stars, and steady myself against the bar.

"Hey, Trapper, you okay, man?" Fucking Prick leans over the bar and takes the empty martini glass from my shaking hand.

"Yeah, I'm good." Or will be soon, I add silently. Whatever these assholes coated the needles they supplied me with is going to kill me soon. And then it won't hurt anymore.

William Trapper. That's the name I go by here. They kinda gave it to me. I called myself Orphan when I first started doing business here...but, apparently, there was a favorite customer who died a few months ago who went by that name. I picked it up because I picked up his business that started to go under after he died. They were grateful for that. But it's just business. I'm just income to them. And they already have a replacement customer at the ready. I learned that when I figured out they were giving me dirty needles. They don't know I know, though. Or, they might. I don't know. Point is, I'm just income.

Or, at least, I was. It's different now that I am responsible for Gilson's death. I took over Trapper's surplus...I don't know what's going to happen now that Gilson's gone. Believe me, there is no way that they're just going to hand over Gilson's business to me. He was a made man. There are rules about that kind of thing. But that's the crap they're trying to feed me. And that's why I am here tonight.

I orchestrated it to make it look like an accident. We were in the middle of a business transaction and the man I hired to shoot Gilson attacked and I shot at the attacker. I had made sure the bullets I put in my gun were able to rip through walls before the meet. So, of course, the bullet passed through the hired man and through Gilson's heart, who was behind him. I have no guilt about killing the man I hired. He was another scumbag who contracts with Femder. Goddamn fucking pricks.

They'll get theirs. The whole lot of 'em. I may not be alive to see it, but they'll get theirs. Une promised me that much.

Interesting that Femder would want to meet me. One of his own customers tried to kill his nephew. I wonder what people are making up about _that_. He may be in danger himself so he's working double time to pin it on me. Somebody has to go under when a made man dies.

A tall, muscular, scarred, sinfully _ugly_ man approaches me. I don't recognize him. He scowls at me for a moment, trying to intimidate me. I gaze back it him calmly, waiting. He beckons at me and I follow him back through the dancing mob of strung out idiots.

We approach a roped in private section near the back of the club. Habitually, my eyes dart around, taking in the environment. Black walls concealing black doors that lead to hidden rooms and halls. This building is actually considered the unofficial headquarters for the criminal anarchy that infects L2 and its neighboring colonies. I know for a fact it's not just a club. But few people do. It's one of the best-kept secrets in space. And I found out. So now the Preventers know and this whole place is going to go down as soon as they can plan the stake-out.

Five tables, leather chairs, a sofa with plush pillows. Femder was there and so were two other men. Four women. I blink. One of them I thought I recognized but I couldn't place where I've seen her before. Ricky was there too. Ricky had "befriended" me when I first started working here. But I make no plays at believing Ricky didn't know that my needles were poisoned.

I nod to him and he nods back, his black eyes cool and uninvolved.

Femder gestures to a chair and I take a seat.

So it begins.

Femder is a strange looking man. He reminds me more of a bird than a human. Large, pointed, and crooked nose, small beady eyes, long neck, hunched back, thin as a stick. I wondered, if he turned sideways and stuck out his tongue, if he'd look like a zipper. Thinking of that, I muster up the strength to smile indulgently at him as I lean back into the soft leather.

"I want to thank you for trying to save the life of my nephew," Femder says. His voice was deceptively soft and quite charming, an English lilt to his words. I guess he's had a lot of practice at mastering that--with all the time he must spend cooing young children into taking their clothes off. I want to rip his heart out and make him eat it...but I swallow my disgust and force an expression of sympathy.

"My deepest condolences." I don't specify on purpose. I still maintain the vigil of never lying. It's been interesting--waltzing around truths and half-truths for six weeks straight.

Femder leans forward, resting his knobby elbows on his knobby knees, beady grey eyes boring into mine. "I have a gift for you," he continues softly. "To express my gratitude for your undying loyalty."

I raise a brow, standing to my feet to receive this 'gift'. 'Undying loyalty'? What kind of crap is that? I turn slightly as one of the hidden black doors open and two figures approach. I blink, trying to make them out in the darkness. One was an old, old man. I swear, he looked like Grandfather Time. And gripping his gnarled hand was a beautiful little girl with shining black curls and bright, frightened pale blue eyes.

"Meet Mary," Femder whispers, the humor in his voice unmistakable this time.

My heart jumped into my throat and my lips part in disbelief.

_...Oh, Mary..._

_...Mary..._

_...To be the saint..._

_...is oh, so scary..._

I look back at Femder and school my features into something that may have resembled light-heartedness. "No, thanks, man," I say with a quick smile. "I really appreciate it though."

Femder's eyes look up into mine and the darkness behind them sends chills down my spine. "Is she not beautiful enough for you?"

"Oh, no, she's beautiful," I say quickly. "It's just...kids don't really do it for me."

Femder smiles and sits back. "No, I suppose they wouldn't."

I blink, trying to comprehend his response to me.

Femder chews on the inside of his cheek, looking me up and down. "I thought you'd be shorter, Preventer Maxwell. But, I suppose, you _have_ grown since the colony wars."

I froze. Fuck me...

_...Oh, Mary..._

_...Mary..._

_...To be the saint..._

_...I'm oh so scared..._

A corner of his mouth pulls upwards and forms his thin lips into a crooked smile. "Yes, I know who you are."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How? My eyes swivel back to the woman I thought I recognized and she waves, leering at me from beneath her dark lashes. Then it hits me. Petty Officer Lilman. A mole. Worked at my base. Goddamit.

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

My mind races. How the hell am I going to get myself out of this one? I drag my eyes back to Femder who is staring at me with cold malice.

"It was difficult, to say the least," Femder murmurs. "You are very good at what you do."

"Thanks," I grumble.

"If it wasn't for your little clown friend, we may never have found you out."

Little clown friend? Trowa? What the fuck?

"Ricky followed you when your friend came to visit," Femder continues. "It was a bizarre event, according to him--" Femder jabs a crooked finger at Ricky who is glaring openly at me now "--but nothing to be too concerned about."

"But then I recognized him," Ricky interrupts. "I had seen him on L3 when the gundam had fought the Oz suits during the colony war. I _saw_ him. And I'm thinking, 'what the hell is Trapper doing hanging out with an ex-gundam pilot'?"

"_Thinking_?" I drawl sarcastically. "Doesn't really become you, Ricky."

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

Ricky jumps forward but the other man next to him holds him back. I smile tauntingly at him. I know I was going to die in a matter of minutes. Might as well go down having fun with it.

"It took some searching," Femder continues softly. "But we found that this wasn't the first time you've been sighted in a gundam pilot's presence. And then we found some old footage of you being captured because you got caught with one yourself." He taps the arm of his chair and leans forward again. "On this very colony no less."

His eyes are gleaming now and I feel a rock of dread settle in my stomach. "So what happened to the gundam pilot with no name? There were three of you who borrowed names and took each others and then--" Femder snaps his fingers "--trails end."

Femder smiles fondly at the woman who impersonated Petty Officer Lilman at my Unit. "And then Nellie here recognized you shortly after the so-called 'accident' with Gilson."

_...And now I'm set forever..._

_...To forever hurt like this..._

Femder rises to his feet and walks up to me. He doesn't stop until we were nose to beak nose, glaring at one another with barely an inch and half between us. His breath, smelling of onions and garlic, rasps against my cheek and I fight the swell of nausea that attacks me.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Preventer Agent Captain Duo Maxwell of Unit 46."

He walks past me and stoops to run a hand through Mary's dark curls, smiling gently at her. She trembles like a frightened rabbit under his touch and I force my self not to look into her eyes. I know what's coming next.

Ricky pulls the clip of his gun and points it at Mary's temple. She whimpers in fear as Femder turns to face me again. "Take her or, so help me, I will make you watch her die."

_...And now I'm set forever..._

_...To forever hurt like this..._

I look at her then, really look at her, see myself in those large, pale blue eyes. A child doesn't have the right to consent. It would be rape. I'd rather her die than have to live a life like mine. I close my eyes and steel myself, feeling the presence of Deathscythe whisper through my mind.

Death will take its due.

I have enough demons. I don't need to go to hell for rape too.

"No," I say.

Femder raises a thin brow. "Pardon?"

"You heard me the first time, asshole," I say angrily. "No."

_...It's a long way out of hell..._

_...I've got nothin' else left to sell..._

_...I lived fast to die fast too..._

_...Not many times to do this for you..._

Femder smiles and places a hand on Ricky's arm, forcing him to lower the gun. I'm surprised all over again. I hadn't realized I was calling his bluff. And I wonder what else Femder has in mind.

Femder circles around me. "I heard some call you Death's Avatar during the war. I am not surprised our little gamble didn't work."

What a sick fuck. He knows I won't survive another day or so. He fucking knows. But he wants to watch me torture myself with this young girl. Sick fucking _prick_.

I look around, trying to formulate a plan to kill these bastards before the infection in my blood reaches my heart. "So, you dirtied my needles?" I say, trying to stall.

Femder roll his eyes. "Yes, of course. In fact..." Femder's eyes widen with mirth as he thinks of something. "There are many things about you that are a lie, Preventer Maxwell," he says quietly, lifting up the sleeve covering my left arm and pointing at the infected abscesses there. "But this isn't one of them."

Heat floods my face and I turn away, ashamed of my addiction. It's so hard. Many people don't understand what it's like being hooked. It's a masochism that is...is..._undeniable_. It takes hold of you and doesn't let go. And it eventually caught up to my own mortality. I'm going to kick the Grim Reaper in the balls for trying to have a sense of humor. This shit is _not_ funny.

I did sign up for this mission willingly, though. I knew the risks.

Femder reaches into his pocket and retrieves a small plastic bag filled with a pure white powdery substance. He waves it in my face.

I gasp and my knees nearly gave out. My whole body sings for it. I haven't had a hit in days because I was trying to stay alive as long as possible. One more hit, and it would be over. I'd OD for sure. My heart would fail and I wouldn't hurt anymore. I felt Deathscythe whisper through my mind again, trying to give me strength.

Death will take its due.

Not like this. Goddamit, not like this.

"You can suffer for the next day or so, allowing the infection to kill you slowly," Femder murmurs in my ear and I shudder, leaning back into him. Femder wraps his wiry arms around me and rocks me like I am a child. "Or you can take this and go to heaven with a pair of your own wings, pain free and instant."

His voice purrs as he urges me to look at the child. I can't. I stare at the ceiling, at the floor, at anything but her. God, I hate myself, because, for a split second, I'm considering it. My blood feels like fire, the nausea becoming nearly unbearable, and my mouth turns dryer than cotton as I gaze at the small bag of heroine. I want it so bad.

Finally, I drag my eyes back to the child's and I realized Femder's arms around me were the only thing holding me upright.

Innocent pale blue eyes blink back at me through the tears she is weeping. Poor darling. So frightened. I remember what that feels like.

It's all too big. Too fucking _big_. How many times am I going to be asked to save the world? I'm a street rat from L2. I always managed to screw things up. Always was never good enough. When is it going to be enough? I think of Father Maxwell and I want to scream. I think of Sister Helen and I want cry. I think of Solo and I want die. Then I think of Heero...and I want to _live_. I blink at the child and she gazes back at me, frightened and hopeful.

Hope?

I could save her. I could save this one.

It's all too big. Operation Meteor, Operation Orphan, saving the world, saving the colonies, all too big. Too big. But if I could be strong enough to save one...if I could be brave enough to save Mary. It'll hurt for a few hours. I could do it. I could save her. I can be brave enough for her. For one. Just one.

_...Yes, I'll do this for you..._

I smile weakly at the young girl and pull away from Femder, who drops his arms immediately. I sway on my feet, shaking my head.

"_No_," I croak, refusing to look at the heroine--my ticket outta this wretched life. "No...and that's my final answer."

_...Mary..._

_...Oh Mary... _

_...To do the job..._

_...I'm, oh, so scared..._

"Is it?" Femder is smiling at me. I hate his smile. I want to spit at him.

The dizziness attacks me again and my arm aches with firey bolts of pain.

"We'll see," Femder murmurs and he motions to two bouncers. They grab me and the child and drag us through one of the hidden doors. Once through, the bald one throws me against the wall and punches me in the gut. I grunted, my breath hitching against the pain, the sudden pressure. I can't tell where my feet are. The bouncer swims in my gaze. I hear the little girl shriek. I glance at her. She is unharmed. Her cry is in concern for me.

If you knew what I've done, child, you wouldn't cry for me.

The bouncer grabs a fistful of my hair and drags me down the hall by it. I struggle the entire way.

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

They throw us into a tiny cell that smells of piss and vinegar and slam the door shut. A small window on the door lets in a stream of light and I shy away from it. I lean against a corner wall and grip my arm. I've never felt pain like this.

I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying to slow my heart beat. The faster my blood pumps, the faster the infection spreads. I decide to try and stay alive as long as possible just to say a big FUCK YOU, YOU SICK BASTARD to Femder.

The child taps me on the shoulder and I open one eye to peer down at her.

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

"You okay, mister?"

"No, kid," I mutter. "But I will be soon."

"Are you going to heaven?"

I shake my head. "Probably not, kiddo."

"How come?"

I open my eyes all the way and gaze into her cherub face. For some reason, it strikes me as an odd question. I think really hard, but I can't think of a good reason for me to be sent to hell. What the hell made me think I was such a bad person?

"I dunno, kid."

I close my eyes again and I know, somewhere, Death was laughing at me. I just missed the punch line somewhere.

_...And now I'm set forever..._

_...To forever hurt like this..._

My breathing finally slows and I lean my head back. The child pulls on my sleeve. I peer down at her again.

"They said you were a gundam pilot," she whispers conspiratorially. "Is it true?"

I smile. I can't help myself. Cute kid. "Yeah."

"Do you know the others?"

I nod. A stab of pain pierces my heart and I know for a fact it has nothing to do with the infection spreading. I miss them so much.

"Miss them?"

I nod again, tears welling up in my eyes.

_...And now I'm set forever..._

_...To forever hurt like this..._

She is quiet for a moment. Then: "What's your real name?"

"I don't have a real name," I murmur. "But my friends call me Duo."

"Can I be your friend?"

I smiled. "Sure, kid."

"My name's Mary, not kid."

"Okay Mary. Pleasure to meet you."

"Me too." She pauses again. "Are your friends the other gundam pilots?"

"Yes."

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

Suddenly, someone bangs on the door. "You have two days before the infection spreads!" It is Femder, fucking prick. "Let's see how long you last."

We are silent as they leave the hall, until all grew quiet again.

"Duo?"

"Yes, Mary?"

"I'm scared." She curls up next to me and I put my right arm around her shoulders. Tiny little thing. She rests her head on my chest and curls my braid through her fingers.

"Duo?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me a story," she murmurs. "Tell me about your friends."

"Okay."

_...I wanna live..._

_...I wanna love..._

_...But it's a long hard road..._

_...Out of hell..._

I begin with Heero. I tell her about how he looks like knight when he's all dressed up in Sanq clothes and how he visits the former Queen Relena all the time. I tell her how beautiful he is and the exact color of his eyes. About how brave he always is and how he never brushes his hair.

I tell her about Trowa and how he tames lions with his spare time. I tell her about his green eyes and sarcastic jokes and how he's always flipping and standing on his head and letting crazy women throw knives at him at the circus.

I tell her about Quatre and his kind heart and special powers. I tell her how he can make all your sadness go away if you let him. I tell her about the Maguanac Corps and the pretty dancers that throw flowers and kiss our cheeks. I tell her Quatre is a prince.

I tell her about Wufei and his honor. I tell her how shiny his hair is and how smart he is. I tell her about his extensive library of books. I tell her about our squabbles and I tell her about how much I care about all four of them.

And I tell her I don't know if they knew that.

She says she'd tell them if she met them. And I thank her.

She asks me to tell her more stories, so I tell her about Howard and Hilde. I tell her about Une, and Noin, and Sally, and Catherine, and Zechs. I tell her more about Relena and I mention Dorothy. I talk and talk, even after she falls asleep, I drone on and on.

I'm winning, I keep thinking. Fuck you, Femder. I'm going to win this round.

_...Sell my soul for anything..._

_...For anything but you..._

Even as the darkness creeps behind my eyes and oblivion beckons to me, I smile because I know I have been strong enough.

Even if I don't wake up, I won this battle. I won my last battle. I did.

Fuck you, Femder. You've got nothin' on me, you sick prick.

_...Sell my soul for anything..._

_...For anything but you..._

**To be continued...**


	12. All Because of You

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: All Because of You  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Saliva, nor do I own the lyrics of the song All Because of You. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: Um, 1x3x4x5. Yes, orgy time.  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Wufei's POV, and the song is All Because of You, by Saliva

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Twelve

**All Because of You**

_...All because of you..._

_...All because of..._

"_Red Leader Zero Four in position_." The music was loud and I had to strain to hear Quatre's voice crackling into my earpiece.

"_Copy, Zero Four_," Hilde's voice responded. She was hidden in a van down the street, keeping track of all squads with the plethora of equipment we supplied her with upon arriving here on the colony six hours ago. "_Stand by_."

I eyed the club, standing in a dark corner near the bar. The strobe lights were making visuals difficult. I checked my watch and shifted my weight to my left foot and then back to my right, impatient for the countdown. We had to wait for all squads to be in position on all three colonies and on the earth before commencing the operation. I couldn't wait for Dog to move in where the lights were controlled so that these accursed pulsing lights could be shut off. Goddamn tweekers.

And the music. Audio pollution.

_...Something's wrong with me..._

I was distracted momentarily from my internal grumblings by Heero's voice, stern and deadly calm. "_Red Leader Zero One in position. Eagle One, requesting status report_."

"_Roger, Zero One_," Hilde's voice replied evenly, resonating the same deadly calm. "_Confirmed Fox, Delta, Omen, Tartarus, and Red of T-B. ETA of Dog, Domini, and Omega within the next five minutes. T-A is complete and on standby. T-C ETA is under four minutes. Green, Cartharsus, Dredge, and Blue ETA two minutes. T-D and T-E is complete and on standby. Copy?_"

"_Roger that, Eagle One_," Heero said, his voice distracted and quiet, almost thoughtful.

"_Copy, standby Zero One. Ten-Four_."

"_Hn_."

_...'Cause I can't even feel you now..._

_...to know that this is real..._

I blinked at the woman who was smiling at me at the edge of the dancing mob in front of me, beckoning to me with her fingers. I glanced down at the bag hidden on the floor in the shadows. It contained all the pieces I would need to construct the AK-47 in the seventeen seconds I would have before the shooting would begin after the countdown. There was still five minutes before the countdown would begin...and I didn't want to draw attention to myself...so I joined her on the dance floor. Her eyes were brown, bright and feverish with whatever drug she flooded her brain with tonight. I turned her around and pulled her against me, moving my hips with hers with the pulse of the beat. She gasped in delight and rolled her head back onto my shoulder, nipping at the exposed flesh of my neck. I pushed her off my chest a bit. I didn't want her to notice the hard amour of my bullet-proof vest hidden underneath my black tee-shirt.

I almost grinned. Heero had obstinately refused to wear one until Zechs had threatened to take him off of Red Leader if he didn't comply.

Zechs...

I felt something constrict in my chest as I thought of the platinum blonde.

_...Am I too blind to see?..._

He was heading Omen on Team B. I wouldn't let myself wonder why he didn't join Noin on Team C...or Sally on Team A. And I still won't. I don't want to think about what that might imply.

He had said that I needed to concentrate on getting Duo out alive and not about us. I didn't even know there was an 'us'. I didn't even know that I had wanted there to be an 'us' until just recently. Not until I realized how short life was and that we're not promised tomorrow. And not until I realized I wanted there to be one.

He hadn't said much since then...at least not to me.

_...'Cause there's something there behind your eyes..._

I squinted through the dancing clusterfuck and saw Quatre. He was staring at the back corner of the club. I followed his fixated gaze and saw a group of men and women seated lazily on couches and pillows, drinking and smirking to one another. I glanced back at Quatre and frowned. He seemed like he wasn't all there. I can't even imagine what it's like to try to sort through all the collective feelings and emotions of hundreds of people and concentrate on one being like that. I looked back at the group of people. I couldn't figure out who he was particularly focused on. It was too dark to see that far. Even with the bursting lights.

_...And it's bringing me to my knees..._

I turned slightly and saw Trowa leaning against the wall near Quatre. He was staring at the blond Arab as well.

I couldn't find Heero. He was here somewhere though. You can always count on Yuy to be efficient.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

"_Red Leaders, Team B is complete and on standby_," Hilde's voice murmured into my ear.

"_Roger that_," Heero said.

I moved away from the girl so I could whisper into my wristwatch. "Roger," I say.

"_Roger_." That was Trowa.

A split second later, Quatre's soft voice came through the transmission as well. "_Roger_." So he _was_ paying attention.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

Moments later, Hilde spoke again. "_T-C, Cartharsus, and Blue are complete and on standby_."

"Roger," I say, moving back to my corner. It will begin soon.

Three other "Roger"'s echoed my reply as I stepped into the shadows.

Thirty seconds later, Hilde spoke again. "_Green and Dredge are complete and on standby. T, standby for countdown_."

_...'Cause all I do is..._

_...waiting and wondering and hoping..._

_...that you'll survive..._

"_Copy that, Eagle One_," Heero replied.

"_Copy_."

"Copy."

"_Copy, Eagle One_."

_...And I know that all this is true..._

"_Operation Maxwell will commence in ten...nine...eight.._."

I stooped down and unzipped the bag by my feet.

_...All because of you..._

"_Five...four...three_..."

I reached in and felt the cool metal on my finger tips.

"_Two...one...Operation Maxwell is a go. I repeat: Operation Maxwell is a go_."

_...ALL BECAUSE OF YOU..._

In a flurry of motion, I had the pieces out and clicked together. My weapon was shouldered by the time the shooting began. We held no doubt, whatsoever, that these people were going to be armed.

Domini and Omega moved in, low and fast, shouting at the dancers, and were rounding them up; by the time I glanced up and saw Quatre running to the back of the room, Trowa hot on his heels.

_...Something's wrong with you..._

"Zero Four! Report!"

What the hell was he doing?

Quatre had assembled his AK-47 and was swinging it at a tall, thin man with a beak-like nose, smashing the handle into his face. Then, before any of us could comprehend what was happening, Quatre was on top of him. One hand gripping the side of his face, the other under the man's shirt where his heart was, his forehead pressed against his. Slowly, Quatre lowered the man to the ground and I arrived just in time to help Heero and Trowa fight off all the thugs that were trying to get to them. When they were all dead, we turned back to Quatre. He was by the wall, studying a small fire escape route on a plaque.

_...The walls you build around you now..._

_...seem to fit you like a glove..._

He reached out and ripped the plaque off of the wall. Then, he turned to us, a frightening darkness swimming behind his eyes.

"Zero Four, shoulder your weapon," I say shakily, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

Bullets whirred past and people screamed and died all around us as we stared at one another. Trowa knelt down next to the man Quatre had attacked and checked for a pulse. Trowa looked up at Quatre, and then turned his startled green eyes to mine.

"He's dead," Trowa said, the bafflement in his voice making it raspy.

_...Something's wrong with you..._

"Zero Four, _shoulder_ your fucking weapon," I repeated, a resolve I didn't feel making my voice stern.

Quatre blinked at me and picked up his rifle, putting the strap on his shoulder. "Target 3 is destroyed. Target Zero Two is located. Eagle One, confirm location F374."

Heero grabbed the plaque and Quatre pointed to where he thought Duo was.

I looked at the body at Trowa's feet. Target 3 was Femder. And Quatre just used his mind to drain his life from him. Quatre just killed a man with his _mind_.

_...'Cause stars cannot be found in clouds..._

_...It seems to cover up the love..._

"_Location confirmed, Red Leader Zero Four_."

"Juvenile civilians confirmed in locations G562 and G563," Quatre said, as we began moving towards the back. "EMS drop-off rendezvous is to be switched to location F379."

"_Roger that_," Hilde said. "_Juvenile civilians? Not obsolete_..."

"_Negative_." My heart leapt at the sound of that voice. It was Zechs. "_Omen will move to G562 and G563 and remove juvenile civilians. Will rendezvous with Red Leaders at F379. Go get him, Red Leaders_."

"_Copy that, Omen Leader_," Hilde responded, a sigh of relief sounding in her voice.

"Roger that," Heero said.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

We moved to the back into the long hallway that was hidden behind a black door. We threw grenades down the hall to clear our way before moving forward again. The hall opened up to a room where about seventy armed criminals were firing waves of bullets at us.

Ah. Crap.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

This room was blocking us from the hall where Duo was...and we'd have to come back through this room to get to the exit where the EMS team would be picking him up.

"This is Red Leader Zero Five," I shout into my wristwatch. "Eagle One, we are under heavy fire at location F376. I repeat, we are under heavy fire. Requesting immediate back-up."

"_Copy, Red Leader Zero Five_," Hilde responded. "_Sending Delta. ETA 300 seconds_."

"Roger, Eagle One."

_...'Cause all I do is..._

_...waiting and wondering and hoping..._

_...that you'll survive..._

"We're going to need more than Delta," Heero shouted.

Fuck. He's right. Omen will be pulling through here with a crapload of kids soon.

"Eagle One, do we have enough bodies for a Shifting Spearhead, copy?"

"_Standby_."

_...And I know that all this is true..._

I leaned around the statue I was crouching behind and fired a round into the room. A scream, a grunt, I hit someone. Good.

My earpiece crackled. "_Targets 4 and 5 have been detained. We can spare Dog. ETA fifteen minutes. Target Zero Two confirmed?_"

"Negative, Eagle One. Standby."

_...All because of you..._

"_Copy_."

I hear marching feet and glance up. Heero throws up a fist, silently ordering us to stay still. He glances at Trowa and puts two fingers to his eyes, points back at Zero Three, and then points four fingers down the hall. Trowa nods and slinks back down the hall. Moments later, he returns with a squad of fifty men holding body-length shields of gundanium.

_...All because of you..._

Delta has arrived.

Heero speaks with Delta Leader quickly, shouting over the noise of grenades exploding and AK-47's firing round after round. Then, Delta Leader is shouting orders to his men and they quickly form a spearhead around us, shields facing out. Then we move in. We cross the room slowly and, upon reaching the other side, one end opens up and we run through the gap of men into the other hall. Then their formation closes up and they hold their position.

_...All because of you..._

We run down the hall and Quatre suddenly stops in front of an inconspicuous door. He stares at it for a moment before turning to Heero.

"He's here," Quatre says.

_...All because of you..._

Heero immediately fires three rounds at the deadbolt and kicks the door open. A child screams, someone moans, and the sound of the door slamming against the wall seemed louder than it should have.

There he was.

_...All because of you..._

A little girl was clinging to his arm, staring at us with terror writ in her big, pale blue eyes.

The room stank. It was filthy. And there was Duo, his head drooping against his chest, his clothes in tatters, his long, long hair dank and greasy and all over the place.

_...All because of you_...

Trowa moved quickly, pulling out two needles of penicillin. He injected one directly into the infected arm and the other into his heart.

A second passed. Then two.

Suddenly, Duo's eyes flew open and he gasped, arching his back, and the child screamed again.

..._All because of you..._

Then, Duo's body went limp again.

"Duo?" Heero had his hands on his face and was trying to shake him awake. "_Duo?!?!_"

_...All because of you..._

"Let me through," Quatre shouted as he pushed past me. He shoved Heero to the side and placed his fingers on Duo's neck. "We're losing him."

"_No_..."

_...All because of you..._

Quatre ripped at the shirt covering his vest and then ripped off his vest too. He took out a pocket knife and used it to tear Duo's shirt open. Then he pressed in against him, shutting his eyes tightly and whispered Duo's name over and over like a chant. We stood there and watched with baited breath as Quatre rocked the lifeless form of Duo's body.

Suddenly, Quatre's skin began turning grey and blue veins began to appear and strain. Quatre's eyes flew open and he shouted, pain making whatever he tried to say inaudible. He reached out and snagged Heero's wrist, keeping his chest firmly pressed against Duo's. Heero grabbed Trowa's wrist and Trowa grabbed mine.

_...All because of you..._

Instantly, I swayed on my feet as something was sucked from me. I felt it leave in waves and then something was replaced. Like ocean waves. In and out. In and out.

I was seeing memories. Not all mine. Not all Duo's. Some were Quatre's. Some were Trowa's. Some were Heero's. Most, I didn't recognize. Feelings I'd never felt. Oh, so this is what it feels like to be in love. Pain...pain like I've never felt shot up my arm. I nearly screamed as I pushed the button on the self-denotation device. For the colonies. I jumped out the window behind Heero and screamed at him to open his parachute. Fucking suicidal maniac. I lifted the violin to my cheek, pulling harsh, bittersweet music from its strings. The sound of a flute followed shortly after. Just communication. Or lack thereof. I reached out and waited for the lion to press into my hand, eager for a pat. Animals need to be loved and respected too. It's a wonder how easily humans forget that. The pain in my arm was excruciating now. And then, all of a sudden, it was gone.

_...All because of you..._

Nausea crawled up my throat as I blinked, furiously trying to regain my wits. We were in the cell. The child was sobbing. Quatre had collapsed on top of Duo. This place stank to high heaven. We need to get out of here.

Heero was pulling Duo's limp form up to him, flinging his arm around his shoulder, making no preamble about dragging Maxwell's body out of here if we needed to. And it looked like we might. Trowa was carrying Quatre. Winner was unconscious and Trowa looked sick with worry and concern.

_...All because of you..._

"He's breathing," Heero said to me. "Both of them. We need to go. Grab the child."

I nodded and lifted the child into my arms, whispering sweet nothings into her hair. Her sobbing quieted reluctantly and she looked up at me.

"Are you Wufei?" she asked quietly, residual sobs hiccupping through her.

"I am," I say, staring back at her.

"Duo told me about you," she whispered. "I said I'd tell you how much he missed you if he didn't make it...but I think he will, so I won't have to."

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and blinked past sneaky tears. I followed Heero and Trowa back out of the door and down the hall.

_...All because of you_...

Dog had arrived and was backing up Delta's positioned when we arrived. Seconds later, Omen, headed by Zechs--who was carrying a child as well--arrived with twenty-some-odd children, sniffling and frightened.

The opposition had weakened significantly, but they were still numerous and a steady threat. Delta and Dog quickly formed the Shifting Spearhead and guided us back across the room.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

We ran for the door leading outside, where EMS was waiting in the courtyard labeled location F379. Someone threw the door open and we hurried outside. Gusts tore at our clothes as the helicopter steadied itself and landed.

Two other helicopters landed a hundred feet away and Zechs lead Omen and the children to the furthest two birds while we strapped Quatre and Duo in. Medics quickly moved over our comrades, plugging them into their monitoring units and pressing needles--clean ones--into their veins. A medic shouted after placing a mechanism on Duo's fingertip. Another medic hurried over. The beeping from the machine sounded ominous and I had to bodily restrain Heero as he recognized what the beeping meant.

_...All because of you..._

They were losing him. His heart was failing again.

"Clear!" A medic placed pads on Duo's chest and his body lurched as electricity attempted to jump-start his heart.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

Heero was roaring and Trowa had to help me keep him off the helicopter. "Get this bird off the ground," I shout to the pilot as we pull Heero, kicking and screaming, away.

The helicopter takes off and Heero finally manages to throw us from him. He glares at us murderously and we stare back at him.

_...All because of you..._

He turns on his heel, grabbing an rifle from the nearest agent, and storms back into the building, intent on taking out his rage on every labeled enemy in that compound. We watch him go, lost in our own thoughts.

Zechs approaches us and hands us each a rifle. Blood is smeared on his face and his hands are stained with it. His ice blue eyes are shadowy when he raises them to mine. I don't want to think of what happened to the guards at locations G562 and G563.

_...All I want is you..._

_...and I don't care..._

I reach out and pull Zechs forehead against mine. I squeeze gently on the back of his neck before pulling away and walking back into the building with Trowa at my side.

The night is young, after all.

And we should probably make sure Heero doesn't get himself killed.

_...All because of you..._


	13. Rest in Pieces

**Title**: Foolish Games  
**Chapter Title**: Rest in Pieces  
**Summary**: During the placation following the end of the Eve War, the former Gundam Pilots find themselves entangled in a web of love and lies. And then Duo disappears. Pairings will shift per chapter.  
**Disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations owned by the creators of Gundam Wing, and its publishers, including but not limited to Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Sub-Disclaimer**: I also do not own the franchise or label that contracts Saliva, nor do I own the lyrics of the song Rest in Pieces. No infringement is intended or profit gained by the inclusion of these lyrics.

**Pairing**: None for this chapter  
**Spoiler Warning**: God, I think, after this many years, having to put a spoiler warning for Gundam Wing is painfully redundant. If you haven't watched the series by now, you probably never will. Be advised, however, that while I strove for canon, I twisted facts of Duo's past to suit my own needs. ^_^ Creative license. Also, you may have noticed, I happily ignore that Noin and Zechs were sent on some Mars Terra-forming project at the end of Endless Waltz. Very happily.

**Alternate Warnings**: Rating MA is for violence, swearing and intense adult sexual situations which include, but are not limited to, homosexuality. Also contains characters dealing with serious subjects like drug abuse, so standard angst warnings apply. Further warnings apply for suspense, action, slight gore, and strong themes like BDSM, mentioned rape (NOT BDSM), criminal activity and child abuse/prostitution. Rating WILL remain at MA, so I trust that if you read this, you have been sufficiently warned and are old enough to legally view this material.

**Author's Note**: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

This chapter is written from Heero's POV, and the song is Rest in Pieces, by Saliva

Yours,

Gloria

P.S. Forgive tense inconsistencies.

**Foolish Games**

Chapter Thirteen

**Rest in Pieces**

_...Look at me..._

It's been two months.

Two months since we completed Operation Orphan with Operation Maxwell. Two months since I found out how much I loved Duo Maxwell. Two months since I realized how close we came to losing him. Two months since I last saw him.

In fact, it was here, on L2, when I saw him last; being lifted off in a helicopter, medics scrambling to revive his heartbeat, certain I'd never see him again, certain we had arrived too late.

Things happened that night I'll never be able to explain. Quatre killing a man with his mind. Jump starting Duo's heart in a dank and dirty cell using all of our collective, what? Energies? Thoughts? Emotions? Hopes? A part of me doesn't want to know. A part of me wants to enjoy the mystery.

Strangest part of it all is the five of us are connected on a different level now. I speak in softer tones. I strategize more efficiently. I catch myself wondering at philosophies and sparkles of refracted light. We've all shifted somehow. We share dreams and memories. Habits are performed that are not originally our own, but not altogether unpleasant.

I smoke cigarettes now.

_...My depth perception must be off again..._

I think we may have tapped into a part of Quatre's ability to seep in and take out parts of each other. It's only a residual effect...but it's still strange. I've never considered smoking before that night. Now I'm up fifteen cigarettes a day...and I ponder concepts of life and death. I'm sure I took that from Duo. I can play the violin. I picked one up the other day and played a sonata I'd never heard before. Quatre, I'm sure. Philosophy must've been Wufei. Animals understand me now, too. I'm confident that this is thanks to Trowa.

It's all very odd.

I'm calmer now, too. I think about my temper instead of losing it.

I wanted to, a few times...but I opted not to. Very odd, indeed.

Quatre had remained in a coma-like state for an entire week before waking up.

Duo...Duo remained in ICU for three weeks. The first week all the doctors were sure he wouldn't make it. He underwent so many surgeries, I'd lost count. Zechs and Relena made sure they knew to spare no expense courtesy of the Sanq Kingdom. I can't express how relieved I was when they said he'd tested negative for HIV. That meant he had a fighting chance.

Duo Maxwell lost his arm.

They took his fucking arm.

That series of surgeries were lengthy and dangerous. First, they had to amputate and clot the blood. Then they had to flush out the infection. The heart surgery was the scariest week. His heart was still frail and they actually considered replacing it. They didn't need to, in the end, and Duo survived the operations.

Then they gave him a new arm.

Another week-long surgery. They put nerve wires into his brain so his new arm would operate and feel like a real arm. Underneath, it was made of gundanium, magnets, and sterile plastic. The outer muscle contained most of the wires running from his brain, down his neck, through his shoulder, and down his arm. The skin was made from some sort of advanced rubber-like substance. Quatre assured me that everything was hidden and the stitch-lines were small and unnoticeable. He had five fingers and a palm and even fingerprints on his hand. J didn't even have the technology to...seemingly replicate an arm. Quatre said you couldn't tell it wasn't organic. It moved and looked and even felt like a real arm.

Quatre was the only one Duo would let visit him.

_...'Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did..._

Quatre explained that his new arm looked just like the old one and the only evidence that he underwent a series of surgeries was a faint scar on the side of his head and three larger scars stretching from his shoulder to his torso. His hair covered up the scar, Quatre had assured me, and Duo wasn't ashamed of the three on his chest. He said Duo wore open-collared shirts and promptly stared down anyone who noticed.

I smile, thinking of that.

After the three weeks of surgeries and near-deaths, Duo was transferred to a rehab in France to heal and recover.

After the fourth week, Duo sent me a thirty-day sobriety chip wrapped in blue paper. He wrote a note saying to hang it on my Christmas tree. I had laughed until I cried. It was July, but I went out and bought a small pine tree anyway, and placed the tree in a corner of our apartment in New York. I hung the chip on the highest limb.

After that, there was no word. No letters, no phone calls, the receptionist claimed he wouldn't answer mine when I called the facility he was recovering at. I was getting more and more restless with each passing day.

_...__It has not healed with time..._

The Preventer Unit personally stepped in to help construct the orphanage Duo had fought for. It's called Maxwell House and the opening party is tonight. This is why I'm here.

Everyone is here. Everyone and their third cousin twice removed.

Another month passed with Quatre sending me daily reports that said things like, "He's doing well and he misses you." and, "You're coming to the opening ceremony, right? Duo might be well enough by the time it opens."

A part of me understands why he chose Quatre in those days. He needed to heal. And not just his body...but his soul as well. Quatre's best at that kind of stuff.

Another part of me is hurt. How much longer? All I want is to hear his voice. I don't even have to see him...I just want to know that he is still real...that he wasn't just some figment of my imagination.

_..__.It just shot down my spine..._

The papers went that route too. They claim he is a recluse on his deathbed and the orphanage was his dying wish.

Its close enough, I suppose.

The children found during Operation Maxwell were housed at the Winner Mansion until the completion of the Maxwell House. Now, they were scrambling around my feet in hordes as I walked up the marble steps of Duo's completed vision.

This place is amazing. And huge. They really did spare no expense.

I walked inside and the receiving room was alive with merriment. Candles were lit on the chandelier and everything was alight in a golden glow. Couches and flowers and everyone, dressed in dressed, sipping champagne. The music playing in the background was an odd mix of rock and classical and it was perfect. Children and adults hurried to and fro and I notice paintings of our gundams hanging on the walls.

I moved down the hall and into the main room. It was massive. Large, round, marble pillars held up a rounded ceiling with a circle at its peak that was open to the heavens...at least, it looked that way. It was probably a projection. It was beautiful anyway. A large table held a banquet of food and, on the far side, was an elevated podium. There were hundreds of people here.

Hundreds.

I spotted Relena and she smiled approvingly at me, raising her crystal glass of champagne in greeting. I am wearing the accursed outfit of a Sanq Knight that she had given to the five of us after the colony wars.

It's not altogether uncomfortable...it's just a bit regal and flashy for my taste. I prefer spandex.

My eyes search the crowd and I spot Quatre and Trowa, speaking to one another and wearing similar Sanq Knight Uniforms. It suits them a lot better, I think. They're made for nice things.

Quatre glances up and smiles kindly at me, waving me over.

Wufei appeared at my shoulder shortly after reaching Quatre and Trowa. We exchanged politically correct embraces, smiling to ourselves, and all looking a bit apprehensive of the grandeur of this place.

"Is Duo here?" I ask Quatre.

Quatre nodded searching the place. "I think so. I didn't fly up here with him...so I can't be sure. He said he'd be here. It's his orphanage, after all."

"Did he know it was going to be a mansion?" Wufei asked briskly.

Quatre laughed softly. "He designed it, Wu."

I blinked. Duo designed _this_? I looked around again. This place is truly breathtaking. But it seemed odd for Duo. Or maybe I have yet another thing to learn about Duo Maxwell.

Quatre is gazing at me with a heavy lidded expression. I turn to him and he grins slyly. "Indeed," he murmurs before turning to a caterer and picking up a glass of champagne.

I look up at Trowa and he rolls his eyes and shrugs. Wufei is staring off into the distance. I follow his line of sight and I spot Zechs Marquise. Dear God, that man is gorgeous. He looks like royalty tonight. High-gilded collar of the Sanq Kingdom, like the rest of us, a vest of pale blue with black lining, white pants, shiny black boots, a billowing black cape with red velvet on the interior, straight-backed and unsmiling. He IS a Peacecraft, after all. A Prince. And he looks it tonight.

His stern gaze finds Wufei's and it softens. He moves forward and Wufei suddenly disappears from my side, losing himself in the crowd in the opposite direction.

I catch Zechs' eye and send him a silent apology. Wufei is trying to restrict himself from creating any chaos between him, Zechs, and Noin by completely avoiding the platinum blonde. I have serious doubts that Noin and Zechs are a couple anymore, though. She's been spending a lot of time with Sally Po and, even now, they were standing together, significantly apart from the Sanq Prince.

I saw Noin send an apologetic look Zechs' way and he shrugged slightly, eyes skimming the crowd for the Chinese man.

I am distracted by a sudden roar of applause and turn toward the podium.

"Jesus Christ, there he is," Trowa breathed and I realized Trowa had been anticipating seeing our braided comrade almost as badly as I was.

_...You look so beautiful tonight..._

A tear slipped down my cheek as I tried to take in the vision that is Duo Maxwell, alive and whole and looking, for all the world, like a charismatic fallen angel.

Even though he is still a bit thin, he looked proud and beautiful in his Sanq Knight garb. Black and gold gilded jacket and collar, white pants, glossy black boots that came up high, just past his knees, a shiny black cape with purple velvet interior, and a red cravat sitting elegantly loose on his high-collared throat. His eyes were bright and mischievously amethyst once again. His smile quick and charming and perfectly white. The dark circles under his eyes were replaced with barely-there smudges that only added to the mystery and glory of his ordeal. His hair...I wish I believed in a god so that I could thank it for whatever moved Duo to put it back into that loose braid that I love so much. The reds and browns of the long strands glistened in the golden glow of the bright candlelight as he tossed the tail-end over his shoulder and stray strands fell long and sexy over his cheeks, the shorter parts of his bangs dusting his eyelashes.

_...Reminds me how you laid us down..._

He moved behind the podium and quickly thanked the elderly man who was waiting there to adjust the microphone to Duo's height.

Duo leaned forward and spoke into the mike. "Good evening."

Another deafening round of applause.

Duo responded with a cheerful laugh and waited for the crowd to die down, his eyes dancing with mirth. I wondered, briefly, how they had convinced Duo to wear the Sanq outfit. He wouldn't even wear it for Reylena's wedding. Then again...I play the violin now.

_...__And gently smiled..._

When Duo felt he could be heard again, he leaned forward once more. "One helluva turn-out, eh?"

A rumbling of laughter, a child giggled.

Amethyst eyes searched the crowd and found us. Something there...almost sorrow.

"Yeah," Duo murmured, almost to himself this time. "One helluva turn-out."

_...Before you destroyed my life..._

Duo smiled, suddenly charismatic all over again, and focused on his guests. "I want to sincerely thank you all for coming tonight. The founding of this dream was a collaborative effort, realizing the dream was collaborative as well. It only makes sense to share it with you all this evening."

Duo turned slightly and focused on Relena and Zechs. "I want to also express my gratitude to the Peacecraft family and all the representatives of the Sanq Kingdom, whose efforts have made this dream real." He bowed slightly and when he straightened his eyes shone with humor. "The least I could do was wear this damn outfit, right?"

More laughter from the crowd. He's really good at this sort of thing. Then again, I smoke cigarettes now.

"I have a few more acknowledgements to make before we move on," Duo announced, raising a hand suddenly to quiet everyone.

Silence filled the ballroom and Duo waited until he sufficiently had everyone's attention. "Firstly, Preventer Agent Chang Wufei--" Duo's eyes searched and found him in an inconspicuous corner "--Operation Orphan, the mission that saved these children's lives, was written by you. I may have played the sheet music, but you wrote it, baby."

Another rumbling of laughter from the crowd. Duo bowed to the Chinese man. "None of this would be possible if it weren't for you. Thank you."

A round of applause. Wufei blushed furiously and Duo laughed pleasantly, a not-altogether-futile attempt to direct the attention off the shy Preventer Agent.

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

"Clown extraordinaire Trowa Barton," Duo said, smiling wryly and plainly rubbing at his wrists. "A valuable lesson you taught me. Extreme and thoughtful, much like you."

Trowa choked on a laugh that tried to escape past his throat. Quatre grinned. Nobody else needed to understand that joke.

Duo's eyes turned serious. "A child doesn't have the right to consent. My saving grace. Thank you."

A chilling silence filled the room. Zechs began clapping and Duo grinned and rolled his eyes as everyone followed instantly. People don't like serious subject matter at parties. I had a feeling Duo was only going to be charming for a few more minutes though.

"Quatre Rabbaba Winner, the richest son-of-a-bitch in the world," Duo said, laughter rolling behind every word. "Your kindness has the power to heal. Thank you for housing these children while Maxwell House was under construction."

Applause again, thundering in my ear. I barely heard what Duo said next...but I did hear it.

"And thank you for everything else."

The crowd quieted and Duo's eyes came to rest on me. "Preventer Agent Heero Yuy, who'd've thought that, between the two of us, I'd be the one to turn into a cyborg."

Laughter rolled and cheering was thunderous and we stared at one another. It almost wasn't funny and that was enough to prevent me from laughing.

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

Amethyst eyes. You're killing me, Duo. Four months, and this is all you have to say? In a microphone. At a party. A joke at my expense.

I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him.

But I can still acknowledge the long-suffering hurt.

And the look in those amethyst eyes told me he acknowledged it too.

Duo placed his not-so-real gloved hand on his chest, slim fingers--exactly like the old ones--hovering over his heart. A heart that almost didn't make it.

"There are no words, Heero," Duo says, his voice soft, yet commanding the attention of every person in the room. "There are no words to describe how grateful I am to you. For everything."

Duo paused and looked at his hand and he looked suddenly beaten. "I didn't mean it. What I said, all those months ago, I shouldn't've...I didn't mean it."

_...In pieces..._

Sorrow emanated from him and settled over the people assembled. They looked at one another worriedly but, before they could turn their attention to me, Duo suddenly turned and focused on someone else in the room.

"Hilde Schbeiker," Duo said, emotion making his voice thick and low. "Former Oz soldier and the best friend anyone could ask for..."

Finally, my searching eyes found her. She was a vision in white lace, a pale lily fastened in her cropped hair, dusky eyes shimmering with unshed tears, clinging to the arm of a man I did not recognize.

_...Look at me..._

"Look at what we created, Hilde," Duo continued, sweeping his hand around him slowly. "Finally, I am able to show you what Heaven looks like. All because you had faith."

Oh, so that's why this place looks like the Temple of Zeus or something.

Applause, once more, resonated from the crowd. They didn't understand why they were clapping. But, I suppose they figured it was the polite thing to do.

_...My depth perception must be off again..._

"Heaven," Duo murmured somberly into the microphone. "Many people worked and dreamed and loved and died so that we could rescue these children from the worst circle of hell and place them into a heaven where they could be loved and adored and cherished like the little angels they are."

Applause erupted. This, apparently, they thought they understood. They didn't. Not really. But such was the way of things.

_...You got much closer than I thought you did..._

"Enough!" Duo's voice cut through their cheering, his voice harsh and stern, and I am suddenly reminded of why he was referred to as the God of Death once. His eyes glittered with barely restrained anguish and the mirth once dancing in them had vanished completely. Oh, I remember you.

"Crime on three colonies has been completely obliterated. Criminal warfare on Earth is down by eighty percent. These children have a warm place to sleep. The vision for true peace on L2 is finally realized."

Duo leaned forward, glaring into the crowd, specifically cornering politicians and representatives of the Sanq Kingdom and the Preventer Unit with his murderous gaze. "And just as one man's life can be saved with the sacrifice of another, one woman dared to commit a crime at my bidding so that crime would no longer reign over these three colonies and that vision could become a reality."

_...I'm in your reach..._

Duo Maxwell promptly stared down the Lightning Count. "Think on that before passing judgment on Lady Une."

People whispered to one another, low murmurs of bafflement. The news of Lady Une's detainment hadn't hit the papers yet. I had a sneaking suspicion that Zechs was actually behind that. When all was said and done, they had loved the same man once, loved the same ideals, and hated the same strategies. And the deep-rooted respect between them could never be spurned or washed away, no matter how many coats of blood you smeared on it.

"Mary," Duo said suddenly in a softer tone. "Come 'ere, kid."

The little girl with shining black curls that we had found with Duo in that cell two months ago came scrambling up the steps, cheeks rosy and ribbons flying. She grasped Duo's hand and he lifted her small frame and placed her on his hip. He whispered something to her and she squealed with laughter.

_...You held me in your hand..._

Duo turned back to the mic. "Some people ask me--and I'm sure my comrades have been the recipient of similar questions--how the hell do I find the strength to save the world all the time?"

Duo paused and smiled fondly at the little girl who was distractedly playing with the end of his braid. "I'll tell you all a little secret: I don't."

I blinked. Then smiled. I am never going to figure this man out.

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

"When I descended to Earth with my gundam years ago, I went with a raging vendetta. I had the nerve to call myself Death's Avatar. I was selfish and brash and very, very fifteen."

His face turned thoughtful before continuing. "Did I really think I was going to single-handedly save the colonies? Probably."

He grinned, his smile charismatic, mischievous, and perfectly white all over again. "I think we all did. And that's why, at first, we failed."

I swallowed, remembering those times. Dark times. Confusing and frustrating times. Suddenly, I am reminded of my first consideration about taking Duo as a lover. Lovers are supposed to help you forget, not make you remember. Or are they?

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

"Then we began working as a team. Small pockets, at first. But in the end, we were all there, side by side. And we won."

Duo frowned and looked back at Mary, the child on his hip. "But I quickly forgot that lesson. And I ventured on my private mission to start this orphanage alone and miserable, hurting every loved one I had along the way. After six weeks of being eyeballs deep in criminal intrigue, I wasn't thinking about the damn orphanage, or saving the colonies, and the Earth was certainly the furthest thing from my mind...I was struggling to survive. And there is no glory in it."

Duo looked back out at the guests, smiling sadly at the confused faces staring back at him. "You come here tonight to, what? Honor me? To honor the work done here? To ask me how I did it?" Duo paused. "Why?"

I cocked my head to one side. I think I may know what he's getting at.

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

"I have been--and perhaps always will be--Death's right-hand man. And Death sent me into the worst circle of hell, a joke at my expense, something I actually asked for. I didn't survive because I have incredible endurance, I wasn't driven by a maddening need for the colonies to be peaceful, I am not a _good_ man because Operation Orphan was a success...I am here today because I was strong enough for one little girl."

Murmurs sounded through the crowd but Duo continued anyway. "The world, the colonies, true peace! It's all too big. Especially for one said street rat from L2. But I chose solitaire anyway." Duo brushed a stray black curl from Mary's face and the little girl beamed at him. "But I knew if I could be strong enough _one_...for _her_...then it all might be worth it in the end. And it was. Ladies and gentlemen, that's how I did it. So, don't honor me. Honor Mary."

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

Duo set the girl back on her feet and she stared out into our faces in pure bewilderment. "So, tonight, as you walk through these children's new home, and you look at their shining faces, think about that. I am not asking anyone here to take a stand for true peace or for a crime-less utopian society. I am asking you to have enough compassion within yourselves to be strong enough for one little girl or boy. Because, see, this heaven is a false heaven. This home is a false home. And the real Utopia lies within the love of a family. And that is what every orphan yearns for. A _family_...I should know."

Duo let the silence stretch and I heard a woman, moved to tears, sniffle beside me.

Then, Duo smiled pleasantly and leaned forward into the mic one last time. "That is all. Again, thank you for coming and enjoy the rest of the party. There's still plenty of food."

_...Would you find it in your heart..._

_...to make this go away..._

_...and let me rest in pieces..._

Cheers erupted and, I swear, I thought the walls were shaking with the noise everyone was making. Suddenly, people were moving and I lost sight of Duo when he stepped down from the podium.

Panic crawled up my throat. No! I did not come here to hear him make a fucking speech!

_...Would you?..._

_...Would you find it in your heart?..._

I pushed through the crowd, making my way to the podium. Upon reaching it, I searched frantically, but he was nowhere to be found.

I punched the wall angrily and stared at my hand dumbly as it throbbed.

_...Let me rest in pieces..._

Music began playing and couples began dancing as the middle of the floor cleared and made room for them. I slumped against the wall.

I guess it's really over then. Goddamit all.

_...Would you?..._

_...Would you find it in your heart?..._

I had asked him once if I could count on him for anything. Always, he had replied. In this moment, I had the mind to call him a liar.

"Heero, it's a party, man. Lighten the hell up."

_...Let me rest in pieces..._

I raised my gaze and was instantly fixated by a pair of laughing amethyst eyes set in a heart-shaped face that tormented my dreams.

And I knew I would be gratefully wrong if I called him a liar.

_...Rest in pieces..._

**To be continued...**

**Solitaire: **Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment! Your reviews always make me glow!


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